Sunday, August 14, 2011

Going Into Semi-Retirement


If I had just one wish, only one demand
I hope he's not like me, I hope he understands
That he can take this life and hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world with arms wide open
Creed

To borrow yet again from my mentor and friend, Dave Carr, we all have our answer when someone asks us, "what do you do?" I've learned from Dave, that while the pat answer would be something like, "I'm the CFO at WIKA", the more appropriate answer is to say what the most important things are in your life. So, what I would say is:

- I'm a devoted and passionate, but very imperfect, follower of Jesus Christ and am thankful every day for the beauty of Grace


- I'm married to the best friend I've ever had, and try my best to be the best possible husband I can be


- I'm a loving and caring father, even though I fail in so many instances to meet my expectations of what a loving and caring father should be


- I'm the Chief Financial Officer for WIKA Instrument Corporation, a really great company


- I'm an adjunct professor of accounting at Georgia Gwinnett College, and I really love teaching


As many of you know, this has been the year of change for us. To recap, Kelly moved out in February, the boys graduated from high school in May, Megan got married in June, and the boys leave this week for college. Empty nestdom is about to set in. Many people have told me that this is a great stage of life we are moving into, but I have so many fears and mixed feelings about all of this. I think back to the movie "Failure to Launch", when Kathy Bates was discussing her son finally moving out, and she said to him, "What if he doesn't like me?" in reference to her husband, Terry Bradshaw. I've had those same thoughts in regard to Laurel, and it does worry me, but that's not the main subject of this post.

I've been a parent for 26+ years now, and for the first time, I won't have children in the house. I realize that you never stop being a parent, my parents still parent me, I see other parents doing the same, but it's going to be different. Am I going into semi-retirement? How do I spend my time, who am I going to run to the store with, who's going to help me play pranks on Laurel? The house is going to be incredibly quiet without band practice, or the constant singing, guitar, keyboard, piano or french horn playing. I've known this time was going to come eventually, and as much as I tried to slow down time, it came anyway. I've told Kelly she has to move back home now, but that's not the answer either, life has to go on, and I need to deal with it.



This post isn't about me, though, it's about Patrick and Sean, and I guess my final advice I can give them before they head out the door this Friday. I chose some lines from the Creed Song, "With Arms Wide Open", because it resonates with me and what I hope for Patrick and Sean. I think that every father hopes that his son(s) is better than him, a better husband, better father, better person, and that is what I hope for my sons. I'm sure there will be more advice to give, but this is my one last gasp before I head into semi-retirement, so here goes:


- Live life - in too many cases in my life, I was looking ahead to the next level, next promotion, whatever it was. I didn't experience or enjoy where I was in my life at the present. Live your life, enjoy the people around you, enjoy nature around you, take it all in and enjoy it. Tell people how you feel about them, don't just assume they know how you feel. Time is too short, people need that reassurance that they are special, that they mean something in your life.


- Follow your dreams - look at Curtis Mann, he followed his dream, maybe it was crazy, but he followed it and see where he is? I always wanted to be a writer, but I gave up early because it was too hard of work, or I didn't see a future doing it. If you have a passion for something, do it, and don't let anyone tell you that you'll never be able to make a career of it.


- Choose your friends well - I made some bad choices along the way, and I paid for it. I also made some good choices, and it made a huge difference in my life. My best friend from high school Dale Thomas was there many years later when I needed a friend. A good friend will always be there for you.


- Don't hesitate to look to your church for help - There were times in my life, I didn't turn to my church for help, when I desperately needed it. I was either too ashamed, too proud, too whatever, but I didn't do it. I've also found through my small groups, both in Dayton and now here, having a relationship with a small group can make an incredible difference in your life. Humans are made to need companionship and relationships, don't discount that.


- Follow your heart - It will never lead you wrong. That goes for anything you do, but I'm particularly talking about relationships with women. Your Mom and I didn't meet until about 2-3 months before I graduated from college, she lived over an hour away, and I was headed off to graduate school, four hours away. I could have figured, timing is wrong, this isn't meant to last, but I pursued her because I thought there was something special there. There may be barriers along the way, but if that person is special enough, knock those barriers down. Almost thirty years later, I have no regrets, and I thank God she is in my life, and I did follow my heart.


- Experiment and try new things - OK, I don't mean drugs or alcohol. College is the time to experiment, learn who you are, what you want to do, what gives you passion. I don't know if it's going to be in the classroom, intramural sports, clubs, fine arts, whatever it is, try something new and see what you are passionate about. I always wanted to play the piano, but I've never had the nerve to try, don't be like me! I will say though, I always wanted to teach, and finally, at 50, I started teaching. It's never too late, but this is the best time in your life to try new things.


- Make time for your brother and sisters - As you know, I lost my brother Bill too early, and Mom lost her sisters Kathy and Karen way too early. I was way too busy early in my adult life to spend enough time with my brothers, and I regret that. Don't have regrets, fix it ahead of time. Make time for your brother and sisters, they are God's gift to you.


- Do what's right, no matter how hard it is to do - There are so many ways to put this. One of the best I ever heard was Lou Holtz, the former college football coach saying, "You can't go wrong, if you do what's right." Whether it's "would you be proud of this if it was in tomorrow's newspaper" or "how would you feel if your Mom saw you do this", there are many litmus tests for doing right and wrong, use them to judge your actions.


- Never, ever quit or give up - I'm probably not the smartest or most talented person in the world, but what has helped me through in many cases is perseverance. There will be times, where the easy answer is to quit, but the most satisfying answer is to work through whatever obstacle it is and conquer it. You both have shown that you have the hearts of champions, that will not fail you as you move forward.


- Lastly, honor God in whatever and all that you do - You know, I would love for you to serve Him as a minister, worship leader, missionary or whatever your calling may be. But, it's YOUR calling. If you don't feel Him calling you to one of these vocations, that's OK, but whatever you do, honor Him in whatever you do. As Sean has said, maybe he could become Mr. Driver when he grows up, and that would be a wonderful thing. I'm sure both of you will be great in whatever you do, just remember why you are going to be great.

I would hope that you know that your Mom and me love you tremendously, and we always have been, and always will be, very proud of both of you. You are destined for great things, no matter what that may be. Remember, I'm only in semi-retirement, if you need any words of wisdom or advice, I'm here for you. I also have Dave Carr's number if you want really good advice.