Absence of Hope

A few years ago, Laurel and some of the other ladies from church took on the challenge of helping a young, single mother (let’s call her Betty) try to get her life in order.  To make a very long and difficult story short, it really didn’t work out very well.  While Laurel and the other ladies tried their best to help build a home for Betty and her children, the concept of “home” just  became way too elusive and never came to fruition.

Betty had so many strikes against her, so many issues, it became an insurmountable challenge to “change her life”.  Betty had led a very difficult life from the beginning.  Her mother had killed her father, and was in jail.  Betty had unfortunately been involved in a robbery as the getaway driver, and had spent some time in prison.  She had four different children from four different fathers, and none of them was around.  She was trying though, she was trying to get her life together.  She was working at a Burger King and taking three different buses to get to work each day.  She lived in low income housing and tried to make a life for her children.  With so many strikes against her, with so many obstacles, without regular and reliable transportation or childcare, it just wasn’t working out, and eventually, the group of ladies from the church, including Laurel, finally gave up.  It was just too much for them.

I really don’t want to focus on this portion of the story though, I want to focus on the children.  Over the past year or two, we’ve seen a great deal of tragedy in our country, whether it’s been in Baltimore, New York, or Ferguson, we’ve seen tragedy, we’ve seen young people getting killed, we’ve seen rioting, we’ve seen looting, burning, unconscionable behavior by many people.  It’s exploded in the news and it’s exploded in social media, and you see very polarizing comments or opinions from all sides.  I’ve hesitated for a long time to weigh in, simply because it’s been so polarizing, and no one seems to be able to look at these situations rationally, but I did want to weigh in eventually. 

Now, having said that, I don’t want to weigh in on whether we have an issue with rogue police officers or whether the rioters were justified or right in what they did, or so many of the issues that have been raised during these crises.  What I want to weigh in on is the issue of hope, or lack thereof, that to me is the central theme of all of this.  Whether we like it or not in “upper middle class America”, we have given so many of these people, so many of these children, absolutely no hope for a future.  You can say what you will on so many of the issues or arguments surrounding these crises, but the point that burns my ass more than any is when people make the comment, “they have as much of an opportunity as I do to succeed in life”.  Really?  Can we truly say that when we look at the demographics, when we look at what so many of these young people face in the inner city, whether it’s Baltimore, Atlanta, New York, wherever it is?  They have just as much opportunity as we have?

So, let’s go back to Betty’s children.  But first, let’s take a glimpse into the upbringing of my own children, and let’s focus on my two sons, Patrick and Sean.  Patrick and Sean went to private Christian schools.  Patrick and Sean had the opportunity to play sports as children, soccer and baseball.  They had video games, they had a pet, they had bicycles, generally they led very normal upper middle class lives.  They both went to private universities.

Betty’s children?  They moved 4-6 times per year.  They moved from school to school depending on where Betty could find low income housing.  They only experienced toys or games to play with when they received them from donations or churches.  They didn’t know their father.  They knew various “uncles”.  They never played, and most likely never will, organized sports because your parent needs to get you there after school.  They never have had, and most likely never will, a pet, a bicycle, video games, or anything that my sons have had.

I’m sorry, but I struggle with how Betty’s children have any hope of making something out of their lives compared to Patrick and Sean.  Just like many parents, Laurel and I have done our best to give Patrick and Sean every opportunity to succeed in life.  We’ve done what many have expressed – we want our children to have a better life than we did.  I’m not saying Betty hasn’t, but Betty’s main concern all of her life has been survival.  She’s been focused on making it through another day, and getting her children through another day.  While I would never blame Betty for where she is in her life and the impact on her children, what hope do her children possibly have for a better future?

As I sit here and write this, I think of those dear, sweet children starting out their lives.  So many of them full of life, full of hope.  I don’t have any grandchildren yet, but I think of some of those beautiful young babies that I see some of my relatives and friends posting on Facebook.  Laurel’s niece, Heather, has four wonderful young boys, the youngest of which is Nicholas.  I guess since he’s the baby, he gets most of the pictures these days (someday the other boys will complain to you, I’m sure Heather!).  I think of him, that sweet face, that smile, and I imagine, what if…. What if he were an African-American baby born in Baltimore, or Atlanta, or Ferguson?  What hope would Nicholas have?  I imagine my lovely niece Heather saying a prayer, talking to Nicholas when she put him to bed at night, holding that sweet face in her hands and I imagine something like this:

“Nicholas, I love you so much.  I wish I could give you a better life, but I’m so sorry, your life will probably be so full of pain.  We will be moving soon, you still won’t have your own bedroom, you’ll have to share it with Noah, Colin and Evan.  We won’t be able to take any of your toys with us, we can’t fit them.

I wish your father would come to see you, but I have no idea where he is, it’s been a few years since I’ve seen him, he’s probably in jail.    I know you’d love to play baseball, you would be so good!  We just don’t have the time to do that.  Someday, maybe I can get you a bicycle if the nice people at the churches in the suburbs pick us as a family they want to take care of to feel good about themselves.

I hope you can eventually finish high school, it may be hard depending on where we have to move to.  You will have to deal with gangs, I hope you can stay out of a gang, but that may be hard, it’s so hard to avoid the gangs in this neighborhood.  You either have to be in one or terrorized by one, it’s not an easy choice.

If you make it through high school, I hope you can get a job at one of the stores or factories in the area.  You will have to work close to home, on the bus line because you will most likely never be able to afford a car. 

You will most likely lose at least one of your brothers, they will either get killed, or they will end up in jail.  I hope and pray you can avoid both of these.  If you are really lucky, you will live a long life, you will stay out of jail, and you will be able to work at a nice job that will pay you minimum wage or a little more throughout your life.  You will never be able to adequately support your family, if you ever have one, but it will be better than the life I was able to give you.

I wish I could give you more than this, I wish I could give you hope in life, but all I can give you is my love.  You are so precious, you deserve so much more, but I can’t give you anymore.  You have no hope for a better future.”

What Is Your Bling?

A few years ago, our pastor did a sermon that led with the quote above from Mary J. Blige.  It’s easy to criticize Ms. Blige for the comment, I’m not quite sure God has an affinity to make sure she, or anyone else, should have their bling.  She isn’t the only one that has a belief that God wants them to have prosperity, there are many people these days that believe going to church and/or praying will reward them with material wealth. 

Of course I can be a bit critical of others and their view of religion and what it does or should mean to them, so let me turn this back on myself for a second.  First, let’s start with some of the things that can be “bling” to each of us.  Many fall into the normal areas of bling, jewelry of course, as appears to be the case with Ms. Blige, based on her quote.  Many succumb to cars, fancy cars, fast cars, luxurious cars, big pick-up trucks.  Many collect clothes or shoes and have extensive wardrobes.  Fancy houses?  Designer purses, designer dogs, watches, sunglasses, there are many ways we seek out our bling to keep us happy.

So back to me, I always have been somewhat critical of all of those people who need some of these material goods to make them happy.  I started thinking though, what’s my bling?  God knows, I’m far from perfect, it can’t be that I am above all of this.  Of course, I’m not, I have my own various forms of bling.  Let me count the ways:

• Our yard – Laurel can, and she knows this, tell me anything is needed for the yard, doesn’t matter the cost, and I’ll say yes. Money is no object when it comes to our yard, I will say yes to anything. I love our yard, I love it to look good, and I will spare no expense to make it so.
• Running shoes – I have three pair of running shoes. All are in relatively good shape. Two are identical pairs of Brooks. Seriously, who needs three pair of running shoes? The worst part is I’m starting to get that feeling, “I need to go to Fleet Feet and look at some new running shoes!” I have a monkey on my back.
• Starbucks – This is by far my most embarrassing bling. I love Starbucks. I have gotten to the point I go there almost every day. I keep trying to quit, but I just can’t. Seriously, who needs a cup of coffee that costs almost $4 every day? This is a completely ridiculous indulgence, but I can’t help myself.

When you start doing the math, I probably spend at least $2,000/year on these indulgences.  Do I really need this stuff?  Am I any better or different than Mary J. Blige in wanting or needing my bling?  Maybe I don’t come out and say it, say God wants me to have this, but I still have my bling, maybe not in the same form as she has, but it’s still bling.

So what’s your bling?  What are those things you “gotta have”, even though you really don’t need them?  And what could we/should we do with all of that money we would save if we didn’t have our bling?

It's My Party, And I'll Cry If I Want To

Recently my good friend and fellow Republican, John Ey, sent me an article from the Wall Street Journal titled, “Let’s Elect Hillary Now”.  Basically, the article distills down the premise that many in the Republican Party really don’t want to win, they want to stand by their deep-rooted ultra-conservative convictions, and complain for the next four to eight years about how awful the Democratic President is.  It further states that continuing to alienate the huge number of Hispanics and African Americans , and now Muslims, in the United States essentially guarantees losing the election.  As Republicans, we want to create a gated community and keep everyone out that doesn’t hold to our beliefs.  We would rather be right and lose than ever compromise or moderate to attract those potential voters that aren’t quite as far right as we are.

Let’s take a short walk back through history, and take a look at the Presidents we’ve had over the last few decades.  One of the discussions I like to have is “who would you say has been a great President in your lifetime?”  Since I was born in 1960, I start with John F. Kennedy and work my way through Barack Obama.  What’s great about this type of discussion is that it’s purely opinion, and as many say, opinion is the lowest form of thought, you really don’t have to put much into it, because, it is simply your opinion.  When I do this exercise, I come up with two Presidents I would say qualify as great Presidents.  Think about that, two Presidents?  In 55 years, in the greatest nation in the world, two great Presidents.  To me, that is incredibly sad.  Let’s take a brief look at my opinion and briefly why I hold those opinions:

·     John F. Kennedy – He may have become a great President, but he only served in office until he was tragically assassinated. I don’t believe a 2 ½ year body of work is enough to determine if he would have been great or not, he was a mixed review at that point.
·         Lyndon Johnson – Vietnam War and the handling of it were his downfall.
·         Richard Nixon – I really believe he was great at foreign affairs, but that Watergate thing is just a little too much.  You can’t commit a crime in office and be considered a great President.
·         Gerald Ford – The economy killed him and the handling of the Nixon pardon didn’t set well with many.
·         Jimmy Carter – Probably the greatest former President, but probably one of the worst Presidents.  Economy killed him, this was a dismal four years.
·         Ronald Reagan – This was my first vote, and it was a special moment for me.  I was so excited to vote for the first time, and I was happy to help vote Jimmy Carter out of office.  I believe Ronald Reagan was a great President, he did an outstanding job in his eight years.  These were some of the best days in US history, at least in my US history.
·         George Bush – I loved George Bush, but I really don’t believe he was a great President.  Again, the economy was his downfall.
·         Bill Clinton – When he was in office, I despised the man.  I thought he was evil, I thought he was a liar, I thought he played the American public.  But, I would have to say, he was a great President.  So painful to say it, but he did a great job in his eight years in office.  While some would say Whitewater and Monica Lewinsky should disqualify him, I still have to say he was a great President.
·         George W. Bush – I voted for him both times, but I think he ranks up there with Jimmy Carter as one of our worst Presidents ever.  To be honest, if the Democrats would have run anyone reasonably qualified, I may have considered voting for them.  I really don’t believe he was that astute, and I believe he mishandled a great deal of our foreign affairs issues.
·         Barack Obama – Unlike many of my Republican colleagues, I don’t believe he has done that badly as President.  My biggest issue with him is that he has not tried to work with his Republican colleagues to improve our country, but I could say the same about them.  While many view the Affordable Care Act as a bad thing, I really don’t believe he had much choice, the insurance industry and drug companies have been screwing us for years, and something had to be done.  This may not have been the answer, but it’s better than what we’ve faced over the 20 years or so before that.

Again, all opinion, I’m sure many would disagree with my assessment, and that’s OK.  I’m not the most politically astute person, and again, it’s just my opinion.  Let me ask you though, and now I’m talking to my fellow Republicans.  When was the last time you were excited to go into the voting booth and vote for a Republican candidate?  Were you excited to vote for John McCain?  Mitt Romney?  Bob Dole?  George W. Bush?  I was excited to vote for George Bush, but it was probably more because I liked him rather than he was a good candidate.  The last good candidate I voted for, and really got excited to vote for, was Ronald Reagan.  Think about that.  That was in 1984, over 30 years ago.  I’ve voted straight Republican since I could vote in 1980, but it’s been over 30 years since I’ve really enjoyed voting for a Republican candidate.

So let me ask you, are you excited by any of the candidates we have in front of us now?  Who would you feel really good about voting for, and more importantly, who do you really believe could beat Hillary Clinton?  To be honest, I’m not sure any of them can possibly beat Hillary Clinton.  In the article I cited above, they noted that the Republican party has hit a low similar to the low the Democratic party hit in 1972 when they ran George McGovern for President (unfortunately I’m old enough to remember how badly that went for them).  The sad part is that at this point, there is no turning back, it has to be one of the collection of clowns that are left.  Whether you really like or believe in any of these candidates, do you really believe they can win?  Because unless you are one of those happy to sit on the sidelines and just complain, winning is the most important thing.

Many of them can be thrown out easily, they have no chance of getting the nomination, and they have no chance of winning.  I’m going to make an assumption, the only ones who have any chance are Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and Jeb Bush.  Let’s take them one by one, starting with the least likely:

·         Jeb Bush – Very likely, he wouldn’t get the nomination, can’t see any way he could possibly win, for many reasons, even for name alone.  The Bush name, largely due to George W. is very negative, and he’d have no chance of winning a general election.

·         Marco Rubio – At this point, the candidate I would run, because I think he would have the best chance of beating Hillary Clinton. I also like him better than most of the candidates.
·         Ted Cruz – To me, he is much too far right wing, conservative and spouts too much conservative Christian rhetoric to win the general election.  Still he would probably be my second choice because I believe he has the best chance, along with Marco Rubio, of potentially beating Hillary Clinton.
·         Donald Trump – I believe, and I would also hope, he would have zero chance of winning the nomination or general election.  While he may have some business intelligence, I really don’t believe he has much political intelligence.  I also believe he is incredibly evil, and does not deserve to serve as the leader of one of the greatest nations in the world.  He has insulted women, Muslims, African Americans, Hispanics, disabled people, overweight people, the only people that seemed to have been saved from his wrath are fit, white, Christian males.  I think his ranking in the Republican polls shows how far the Republican party has fallen.  While I would still vote Republican for probably any other viable candidate, I would not only vote for Hillary Clinton over him, I would actively campaign for her (I can’t believe I’m saying this, as much as I despised Bill, I despise Hillary even more).   I have that low of an opinion of Donald Trump, he is an incredibly bad joke as a candidate for President. 

A few years ago, I wrote letters to the Republican National Committee and to my local Congressman to express my displeasure at how the Republican Party had allowed the Tea Party and other ultra-conservative right wing groups to take over the party and lead us down the road we are on.  While we can feel good about our beliefs and the fact we are right, it does absolutely no good if you can’t win an election.  It all comes down to numbers.  If you alienate Hispanics, African Americans, Muslims and even moderate Republicans like me, how can you possibly win a general election?  The math just doesn’t work.  Sadly for me, the RNC and my Congressman never responded to me.  It really didn’t surprise me, even though I’m a lifelong Republican, my voice really doesn’t matter or really isn’t heard.

That’s where the article “Let’s Elect Hillary Now” really hit me.  I’m tired of being the silent side of the Republican Party who lets the ultra-conservatives take over the party and get their way.  I really believe that so many of them just want something to bitch about, they want to feel good about being right while the Democrats get four or eight more years in office.  We need to run someone who has a legitimate chance of winning the election.  I really believe that none of the collection of boobs that are out there has a chance, absent Marco Rubio, and maybe Ted Cruz, but I still have little hope that any of them can beat Hillary Clinton.  We have become too set in our ways, too obstinate, too unwilling to compromise.  We will have to be happy sitting on the sidelines, criticizing the new regime, smug in our knowledge of how to properly run the country. 

Last point and then I’m done.  I remember the glory days, when we could laugh at the crazy people in the Democratic Party and the stupid things they would say.  Now, we have as many crazy people making similar stupid comments, and in many cases, more of them.  We are like the Democratic Party of 1972, we have fallen so far, and I’m not sure how we recover.  We have become a joke, a very bad joke, and we have a collection of clowns, led by the king of clowns, Donald Trump, to lead us.