When Life Gives You Perspective

Maybe it’s because December marks the holiday season, maybe it’s because Christmas is coming, but December gave me some perspective on life, even more than most years.  A few stories to share:

A Failed Anniversary Celebration - So in between trips, Houston one week, Mexico the next week,  Laurel and I had our 34^th wedding anniversary.  Since I was traveling so much this year, I had made grand plans.  I pretty much had a full agenda scheduled for Saturday and Sunday, Christmas shopping, an anniversary dinner, a lunch downtown.  It was the beginning of the Christmas events at church, we were picking up our tree at church, we were going to special services, it was going to be an incredible weekend.  But Laurel got sick, and our grand plans turned into picking up our tree and doing nothing with it and going to the early service at church to avoid as many people as possible, since Laurel wasn’t feeling well.   I cancelled our dinner reservations, and we just sat on the couch all weekend, watching Hallmark Christmas Movies and cuddling with the dogs under the blankets, as Laurel tried to do her best to start feeling better. 

As Monday rolled around, and I was heading out of town again, I was disappointed, I could even say depressed.  I had built up to the weekend so much, I had such great plans, such expectations, and we did absolutely nothing.  And then I thought about it, and it hit me.  We did absolutely nothing all weekend, but we did it together.  We spent an entire weekend together, watching silly, sappy movies, but we did it together.  No running around, no pressure to get things done, just enjoying each other’s company.  I realized how much I enjoyed that weekend together after getting past my disappointment of what might have been.

Seriously, Your Foot Hurts? – I’ve been teaching an accounting class at Georgia Gwinnett College for seven years, this will be my last year.  I’m really going to miss it, and the biggest reason why is that my students give me the best perspective on life sometimes, without even knowing it.

Recently I was getting ready to do a tutoring session on a Saturday, and the fire alarm was going off in the building, so we couldn’t go in.  I happened to be standing in the parking lot with one of my students, Myral Hicks, and we were just talking about nothing in particular.  I mentioned that I had gone for a run that morning, and my one foot has been bothering me lately.  Myral proceeded to say, “I really miss running, I used to do it a lot.  Then the one time, I was jumping out of a helicopter in the Army, and I broke both knees and hurt my back.  I can’t run anymore.”  Myral proceeded to tell me about the number of bones that he has broken in his body over the course of his Army career.  At one point, he made a comment about living a “hard life” when he was young.  I immediately thought of the hard life I led, drinking and carousing, but he proceeded to talk about sleeping on the ground in the desert and how the cold, hard ground had really affected his back. 

When I got home, I told Laurel the story, and I said, “I’m never going to complain about any ache or pain ever again.”

A Bad Break? - About a month ago, my Mom traveled from her home in North Carolina to Pittsburgh to see her sister, Aunt Mille.  On the first day there, she broke her hip.  She had surgery, and she just got released from the hospital a couple weeks ago.  She stayed at my Aunt Millie’s house until my brother Jim brought her home a couple weeks ago.  Obviously, breaking a hip is never good, especially when you are older.  Having said that, in some ways, this has been a blessing in disguise.  Her two living sisters and brother all live in that area.  She has had the chance to spend a great deal of time with them while she has been in the hospital.  She also got to celebrate her 88^th birthday with her twin brother, Uncle Bob, while she was there. 

The reality is that when you’re in your 80’s, time is short, and it’s not so easy to get together, you are dependent on other people and circumstances.  My Mom lives in North Carolina while they all live in Pennsylvania.  If it wouldn’t have been for the fall, she wouldn’t have had so much time with them all, and she wouldn’t have had the chance to celebrate her birthday with her twin brother.  I really don’t know the last time they were able to do that, and I’m sure it was really special for them.

Late Night Phone Calls - The one night, somewhere around midnight, we got a call from our son, Patrick, from up in Providence.  He was completely irrational, crying uncontrollably, talking gibberish, making no sense at all.  As each of us talked to him and tried to gain some understanding and tried to calm him down, Laurel finally asked the important question.  Are you still taking your medicine?  Apparently he had quit taking it a few days ago, and I guess, this was the outcome.  I’m not sure if you have been down the road of trying to talk rationally to a completely irrational person, but it’s not easy.  The common mantra was he’s a terrible person, he doesn’t deserve to live, and he just wants the pain to go away.

As I sat there, trying to wake up, get my senses, figure out how to rationalize with him, it hit me, as it has before, this is probably going to be our reality for as long as he lives.  He will go along, seeming to be fine, and then there will be something, that sets him over the edge, and we will be back in crisis mode again.  The key though is as long as he is alive.  I watched what it did to my parents when my brother committed suicide, and they were never the same again.  I will gladly take nights like that over the alternative.  We will continue to have to talk him off of the proverbial ledge probably over and over again.

We all have our own stories like this.  Life is full of tragedies and mini-tragedies interspersed between our day to day activities at work, dealing with our families, our children, all of the responsibilities we have.  It isn’t easy to see the bright side of the setbacks we face, but they are there usually, you just have to look for them.  Some, of course, are easier than others.  As we approach another holiday season, another Christmas, let’s try to remember, we’re all in this together.  It’s a journey, and we need to support each other on that journey.