Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

As I come to the end, quite honestly, parting is such sweet sorrow.  After 18 years, 187 blog posts, I’m shutting down my blog, and it’s harder than I thought since it’s been such a huge part of my life these past 18 years.  

Why am I shutting it down?  For one, everything has a beginning and an end, that’s just the way life is.  I think my blog has run its course.  Plus, my daughter Kelly just signed me up for Storyworth, and each week I get a new question to write about that my children can read.  If you’re not familiar with it, I’ve had questions like, “what were your weekend traditions when you were a kid”, “what talents did you always wish you had”, “what is the best job you’ve ever had” and so on.  This will go on weekly for a year, and I’ve loved it, it’s given me a creative outlet that my blog post always provided, but this has been fun because I get to relive my life through it.  Plus, I’m working on a children’s book, and hope to get it published within the next year, so that has taken some of my creative energy.

Before I say anything else, I really need to thank a dear friend, Dave Carr, who introduced me to this journey of writing a blog.  Without his inspiration, this would have never happened.

As a brief recap, what has happened over the last 18 years that I’ve written about?  A lot!  In no particular order, OK, maybe some of the most important ones first:

·      Megan, Kelly, Patrick and Sean all got married.  Those are by far, the highlights.  Other than your own wedding, I can’t imagine a better event than the wedding of your child.  None of these disappointed.

·      We’ve had several graduations, high schools, colleges and graduate schools.  Each one of them was a special event.

·      We’ve had various deaths and funerals, my Dad, Laurel’s Mom, Laurel’s brother Mike and my nephew Michael, just to name a few.  I also have to mention Snickers and Minnie, they were our first two dogs, and as many know, losing a pet can be painful.  While death may be a part of life, it’s still never easy to say goodbye.  

·      I found yoga, I’ve been doing yoga for nine years now, and it’s been amazing.  And, I took Yoga Teacher Training about four years ago with a group of incredible young ladies and have my RYT-200 certification.  This whole experience has transformed my life.

·      I’ve discovered meditation, and maybe not in the traditional way, my meditation is while doing planks and boat poses each morning to Contemporary Christian music, but it’s still meditation.

·      I came to grips with my journey with depression.  This is a life-long journey, and essentially, there is no cure.  There are coping mechanisms, ways to combat it, but this will be with me the rest of my life.

·      I’ve discovered some wonderful authors, who have changed my life.  Rolf Gates, Stephen Cope, Jack Kornfield, Thich Nhat Hanh, Pema Chodron, Brene Brown, Elizabeth Gilbert, Nadia Bolz-Weber, Naomi Levy, and Glennon Doyle, to name a few.  I read every morning, and it has made a deep impact on me.

·      I left the church after spending a lifetime in the church.  I just do not believe the American church has much to do with Jesus and his teachings anymore.

·      I left the corporate world, and went into teaching full-time.  I have no complaints when it comes to my career, I had an incredible journey, and I cherish it.

·      I left the Republican party after 36 years, and although I could never be a Democrat, I probably will never vote for another Republican.  I find the current version of the Republican party to be hate-filled and racist.

·      I quit watching sports.  After growing up, living sports, any and all of them, I don’t watch sports anymore.  I struggle with the amount of money we pour into professional and college sports when we aren’t willing to provide adequate housing, food or health care for the least of us.  Quite frankly, I find this appalling.

·      I spent many years in a Small Group with some dear friends from my church in Dayton, Westminster Presbyterian Church.  I eventually left my Small Group, which was a hard choice to make, but as noted above, for me, everything has a beginning and an end, and it was time for me.  I still love and respect each member of the group, and have very fond memories of our time together. 

·      I found my breath.  It took me close to 60 years, but I finally learned to breathe.  This was a major change in my life.

·      I fell madly in love with Laurel. OK, I had always loved her, but I fell madly in love with her.  I could come up with so many corny things to say here, but I’ll leave it at, I look forward to every single day with her, and I could do anything, or nothing, with her, and I’d be happy.

Those are the highlights for 18 years, but I went back and picked out some of the most meaningful messages I shared over that period of time, and I wanted to highlight them one more time before I say goodbye.  Many of these were essentially messages to myself, but I shared them to hopefully see some of you learn much more quickly than me.  Unfortunately, I can be a really slow learner, and I missed a lot along the way.  

I’ll keep this as brief as possible:

This one speaks for itself, many times we focus on where we want to be, and lose sight of all of the great experiences along the way.  I missed a lot while I was focused on whatever destination I was trying to reach. Thankfully, I don’t now.  I pay attention on the journey to see what’s happening in the present moment.

I use this one a lot with my students, but it goes for all of us.  We spend so much time staring at our phones, worrying about what is going on in our lives, we miss a lot.  There is a beautiful world around us, and we are missing it.  I always tell my students, you will never see me with my phone out going across campus.  I want to see the cypress tree, the birds, the squirrels, the rabbits, but I especially want to see you.

Mostly I use this for my students, but I still use it for myself.  We have one life, what are we going to do with this precious life we’ve been given? 

There are various messages similar to this one, but I love this one because it’s Toni Morrison, my favorite author, and a beautiful seagull, sailing over the ocean.  We can let the current take us, we can surrender to the wind, but fighting against it, as I’ve done most of my life, doesn’t really get us anywhere. Surrender, ride the wind.  It’s so much easier, and really, you still get to the same place.

It may sound stupid on my part, but the whole message from Brene Brown was huge for me.  Belonging versus fitting in.  Fitting in is pretending to be someone you aren’t.  Belonging is finding where you feel comfortable.  We have to be ourselves to thrive and enjoy life.  I missed that one for too long.

Jimmy Buffett wrote this after Hurricane Katrina.  While none of the disasters I’ve experienced are anywhere near Hurricane Katrina, I’ve found, after many years, that the best solution is to basically do what it says.  Breathe in, breathe out, move on.

Along those same lines, I wish I could truly say how meaningful it’s been for me to find my breath.  It’s been about 3-5 years since I finally did, but it’s changed my life.  

I used this one when I got criticized for being too open and honest about my journey with depression.  I believe that there are many people on this journey, and it’s important to let others know they aren’t alone.

I had the privilege of meeting Pastor Rudy when I was on the Board of Trustees at United Theological Seminary.  I wish we lived this message in the church today.

I love this one because I do believe we can make a difference.  Each of us can shine our light, we can smile, we can be kind, and the world can and will change.

 

Of course, I saved the best for last.  As many know, Mr. Rogers is one of my heroes.  When I grow up, I want to be him.  What I’ve really come to love in this world is that it’s such a menagerie of people and personalities.  Sometimes we think, I wish everyone was like… me, or someone I really like or respect.  But how boring would that be?  I love that we are all so different and bring so much diversity to the world.  

Thank you for being a part of the 18 years of my blog post.  I appreciate you, and I like you just the way you are.  Finally, I’ll steal from the final message I always say when I teach a yoga class:

“The light in me sees and honors the beautiful light in each and every one of you.  I bow to you in gratitude”

Shiny, Happy Songs For Everyday People

Most of my life, I’ve been lucky enough to have relatively short commutes to work, or commutes that were through the countryside or easier roads to navigate.  Since I’ve started at Ohio Dominican University, my commute is mostly interstates, 71, 270, and 670.  I’ve never really liked driving, but I’m finding that these drives create a lot of anxiety in me.  I’ve tried listening to books, different times coming and going, various routes to calm myself, but nothing works.

On a recent flight, I pulled out my phone and ear buds and started listening to some music, and I put on “Baba Hanuman” by Krishna Das.  I’ve listened to this song many times in yoga classes, and I’ve always loved it.  As I sat there listening, I found myself doing what I always seemed to do in yoga classes, I started moving my body.  And smiling.  Anytime I hear that song, I just feel so happy.

And that gave me an idea.  I searched my music library, and found all of the songs that just make me happy to listen to.  I created a new playlist, creatively titled “Drive to Work”.  I actually like the title above much better, but that’s too long to make for a playlist.  I only came up with 16 songs, but I wanted to ensure it only contained songs that made me happy to hear and hopefully keep me calm.  In no specific order, here is my happy playlist:

“Baba Hanuman” by Krishna Das

As noted, this is what started me down this path.  I’ve heard this song used many times in yoga classes, but probably the one I remember the most is when Abbe Straw would play it toward the end of our class.  Even though we were supposed to be winding down, I was winding up.  Anytime I hear this song, I can’t help but move and smile.  There’s just something incredible about this song and what it does to me.

“That’s What Friends Are For” by Dionne Warwick and friends

This is a beautiful song performed many years ago for a charity event by Dionne Warwick, Gladys Knight, Stevie Wonder and Elton John.  It’s a great song with a great message, but it’s really special to me because I used it to create a music video about my Yoga Teacher Training and the wonderful young ladies I got to share that experience with.  We spent nine days at a lodge in the north Georgia mountains learning how to become yoga teachers, and it was one of the most meaningful experiences of my entire life.  I will never forget it, and this song will always be special to me because of that experience.

“Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars

This is another song where I created a music video, this time for Laurel and my 40^th wedding anniversary.  As much as she doesn’t believe me, this song captures how I feel about her, I just love her so much.  I could include all of the lyrics, but just a few:

“When I see your face

There’s not a thing that I would change

Cause you’re amazing

Just the way you are”

 

“Shiny, Happy People” by REM

I became interested in this song recently when I heard that it was essentially meant to be a joke, not a serious effort, but the band was highly surprised by how popular it became.  In fact, they refused to play it in concerts because they found the song to be embarrassing.

Having said that, I found the video of the song, and I would challenge anyone to watch the video without being happy.  Honestly, I try to watch this video every morning because it puts me in a really good mood.  How can you not be happy watching a bunch of people dancing, laughing and having fun?

“Everyday People” by Playing for Change

This song is originally by Sly and the Family Stone, and has some great meaning to it.  Many wonderful lines about getting along with each other no matter our color, religion or where we come from.  I love the song for its meaning, but a special bonus has been that Playing for Change has created a music video with many celebrities playing with children from around the world.  Stars like Elizabeth Banks, Josh Groban, Jack Johnson, Paula Abdul and several others make an appearance.  Plus, Trombone Shorty!  What makes it even better is at one school there is this really, really awkward teacher dancing with the children in a shirt and tie, and Laurel always says that’s me, since I can’t dance to save my life.

“Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles

Another one where the backstory captured me before the song did.  The story goes that George Harrison was getting more and more disenchanted with the business side of being a rock star with the Beatles.  The one day he played hooky and went to Eric Clapton’s estate to just decompress.  He spent his time walking around the gardens, playing his guitar, and came up with this song.  “Here comes the sun, and I say, it’s alright”.  Yes it is!

“Good Grace” by Hillsong United

I really enjoy Contemporary Christian music, but as I often say, there’s probably only about 20 really good Contemporary Christian songs.  Most of them focus on our sinfulness, the grace of God, the love of Jesus, and most are relatively somber.  This is one of the few that has a really powerful, positive message.  The main line of the song says, “Fix your eyes on this one truth, God is madly in love with you!”  Seriously, how can you feel badly if God is madly in love with you?  

“Laugh, Laugh” by the Beau Brummelstones

OK, it’s really by the Beau Brummels, but I heard this one way back when I was a child and watched the Flintstones.  I forgot all about it until recently, when Laurel re-introduced it to me.  What makes it more fun is the song has some really biting lyrics about a young lady, who is apparently a bit too arrogant.

“Sugarhigh” by Coyote Shivers

This one is more because of the movie where I first heard this song, “Empire Records”.  It’s definitely not the best movie ever made, but it’s really fun, and this song is the main part of the climax of the movie.  I love this movie, even though it has one of my least favorite actors, Liv Tyler.  Just a warning, the lyrics are really raunchy, maybe that’s part of what makes it so much fun.

“Beautiful Day” by U2

Really not much I can say about this one, other than “it’s a beautiful day, don’t let it get away”.

The Acorn Collection

Laurel and I watch a lot of shows on Acorn, which are set in England, Ireland, Australia and New Zealand for the most part.  We enjoy the shows, and in many cases, there are some really nice songs that we discover.  There are three that are incredibly upbeat:

·      “Wintergreen” by The East Pointers from Under the Vines

·      “Because I Love You” by The Masters Apprentices from SeaChange

·      “Detectorists” by Johnny Flynn from Detectorists

We had never heard any of these songs before, but all three are quite good, and the ties to the shows give them an extra special meaning.

“Rainbow Connection” by Kermit the Frog

I’ve always been a huge fan of the Muppets, and I went to the Muppet Movie on the opening weekend as a teenager.  Along with about a bazillion little kids…

I love to hear Kermit the Frog sing about “the lovers, the dreamers and me”.

 

“Escape (The Pina Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes

Molly Morgan takes the blame for this one.  We were in a yoga class the one day, and Molly had just returned from vacation.  Not sure if that’s what prompted this to be on her playlist, but it had been years since I’ve heard this song, and it just really struck me that day.  It’s really a silly song, but it’s just fun to listen to. 

“Takin’ Care of Business” by Bachman Turner Overdrive

Another backstory, this takes me back to when I was young, and my brother Jim would take me to Pirate baseball games.  We’d be driving through Pittsburgh, back then, I think, there was just AM radio, so you heard the same hits over and over again.  I remember hearing BTO doing “Takin’ Care of Business” several times in an evening, and the experience of hanging out with my older brother and going to Pirates’ games was the height of my summer.  The downside to this one is that it is true rock and roll, and when I hear it, I sometimes get up to 90 miles/hour on the interstate.  Something to work on.

Sixteen fun songs, all of them make me happy when I listen to them.  I wish I could report that it’s cured my anxiety while driving, but I have a ways to go.  I’m trying, and I’m working on it.  I’m still not sure “Takin’ Care of Business” is the best idea, but screw it, I just love to crank that one up and drive like it’s the 70’s again.  In Laurel’s hand-me-down Buick Encore….

 

The Heaven and Hell of Customer Service

We have seen the depths of customer service over the past year or two, and we’ve seen the stars of customer service.  While it sucks to get really lousy customer service, it helps us recognize and appreciate when we get great customer service.  I’ll take a trip down to the depths of Hell to provide some perspective.  OK, maybe I exaggerate just a bit....

City of Delaware

The City of Delaware can be incredibly disappointing in many ways, but I’ll focus on the easiest target – Billing for the Water Department.

The one month, we got our water bill, and it showed we only paid $10 of our $110 bill.  Laurel called the Billing Department, and they indicated we only paid $10.  I pulled up our bank information online, and the cancelled check showed we paid the entire bill, and they had endorsed it.  They finally figured out we were right.

A couple months later, we got our bill, it showed we hadn’t paid at all.  We called, and they said we hadn’t paid.  Laurel asked them what we should do, and they suggested we stop payment on the check and send them a new check.  We did that, and then on the next bill, we had an extra charge due to the fact that they had mysteriously found the original check, and it was rejected by our bank since we stopped payment, so they received a charge from their bank that they passed on to us.  

I was angry since it was their fault, but my complaints got nowhere.  So I wrote to the City Manager.  No response.  I wrote to the Mayor of Delaware.  No response.  My view on correspondence is I’d rather get a reply of “Go to Hell” or “Eat Shit” than no reply at all.  At this point, we now drive to Delaware, hand-deliver our payments, and get a receipt to avoid these issues going forward.

America’s Floor Source

We had some flooring done, nothing major, but it involved carpeting and laminate flooring.  We had worked with America’s Floor Source previously, so we felt like they were a safe choice.  As noted, this wasn’t anything major, and the salesperson indicated it would be a two-day job.

I’ll take part of the blame for this one, from my work experience, you never pay the full payment until the job is done.  I figured, it’s a two-day job, what’s the big deal?  Yeah, I’ve gotten soft in my old age.

One day was the carpeting, one day was the laminate.  Each day, it was a different set of contract labor.  The carpeting group screwed up, and cut the carpet wrong, and they fell short of having enough carpeting.  The laminate group didn’t get done with their work either.  This was just the start of our two-month, rather than two-day project.

If it were only the long delay for the completion of the project, that would be one thing.  But Laurel essentially had to serve as Project Manager for the job.  She would almost daily call the salesperson from America’s Floor Source, and inquire when they would be out to fix whatever was left undone each time.  And, each time, we would get a new set of contractors.  And each time, the laminate installers would say it was the carpeting installers job and vice-versa.  Laurel had to eventually get firm with the contractors, and say, “No! You’re supposed to complete this!”  We still have various baseboards with damage to them, they never fixed everything completely, but we were just happy to see them go.

As noted, two months, no apologies, nothing from America’s Floor Source.  Yeah, I’m partly to blame, if I wouldn’t have paid up front, it would have probably been done a lot sooner, and they may have apologized along the way.  Then again, maybe not.

Ricart Buick GMC

By far, the grand champion.  Let me give you an idea of just how bad it was.  We have had a GM Credit Card and bought GM vehicles ever since the mid-1980’s.  We have bought, I think, 17 straight GM vehicles in that time.  With our latest experience, we have cancelled our GM card, and we will never buy another GM vehicle.

Laurel had a 2018 Buick Encore, and we decided to get her a new one, and pass her Encore down to me.  We found one that she liked, and we thought we were in good shape.  And then, everything went to shit.  I could go on and on about all of the issues we had, but let me just give a brief summary:

·      Within the first three months, the check engine light went on four times.  Each time, we would have to take it back in for service, and leave it at the dealership.  In those first three months, Laurel drove the car about 700 miles, since it spent so much time at the dealership.  I researched it, and it probably qualified for the Lemon Law, but I just wanted her to have a car that worked.

·      The “humor” was the questions she would get from service.  How old is your cell phone?  They thought it was draining the battery.  How far do you drive each day?  Do you leave the car in the garage or outside at night?  When the car is parked at night, how far away from the car is the key fob?  It seemed that they kept trying to come up with a reason we were to blame for the issues with the vehicle.

·      The “best” part was when they gave Laurel a loaner car.  In the dead of winter, they gave her a red convertible Chevy Camero.  Their reason was that the rental car company next to them only had one GM car, the Camero, and General Motors would not pay for the rental of a non-GM vehicle.  My response was “Your answer should have been, GM wouldn’t pay for a non-GM vehicle, but we will.”  

·      After three months and at least four trips to the service department at Ricart, they finally solved the issue with the help of the engineers at General Motors.  The last insult to injury was the fact that we never received any calls or apologies from the management at Ricart.  As noted, we were life-long GM loyalists, but of course, that just really doesn’t matter.  Ricart obviously could not give a shit.

As I’ve re-lived these experiences, it really occurred to me what made me so angry in each case. It’s not that people made mistakes, everyone makes mistakes, as I often say, I probably make at least 100 each day.  I have no problem when people make simple mistakes, my issue is that no one at a higher level in the organization sees the need to apologize.  I’ve learned from my career, customers typically can be very forgiving if you just own up to what happened, and say you’re sorry.  But in each case, we received no acknowledgement, no apology.

Which brings me to the ones I really want to talk about, those companies or locations that know how to deliver great customer service.  A taste of Heaven....

Apple – Polaris Fashion Place

After my computer crashed and burned last year, and I experienced yet another lousy experience at Micro Center (I’ve bored you enough with bad service), Laurel convinced me to go the Mac route.  This was a major shift for me, I’ve been using Windows-based products all my life, and I wasn’t sure if I could make the transition.  Numbers?  Pages?  Where are my beloved Excel and Word?  OK, I can run those on my Mac, so that’s not an issue.  But as some of you know, there are a lot of subtle differences between Mac’s and Windows-based products.

Buying my new Mac went incredibly smoothly.  We had just recently bought new IPhones, so we were somewhat regulars at the Apple store.  Every purchase experience went really well, they make it all so seamless, each person plays a role, and they do it well.

Afterward, we decided to take some of the free classes Apple offers for IPhones and Macs.  In some cases, we were the only customers, and in other cases, there were a few more people, but in each case, we were treated very professionally, and with a great deal of respect and patience.  While I have lived with technology throughout my work career, as noted, this was a new experience for me.  Laurel has become much more familiar with Apple products, but there was a great deal that she still didn’t know either.  We were given grand tours of our products, we probably have forgotten more than we remember, but it was still an incredible experience.  Every single trainer we encountered treated us very well.

After so many trips to the Apple store, I figured out who the manager, or one of the managers, was.  I went up to her the one day we were there, and asked her, “Are you the manager here?”.  I got one of those cautious, delayed, “Yes?”  I assume she was waiting for whatever complaint I had to offer.  I told her, “Well you must be doing an outstanding job, because we’ve been here several times lately, and we’ve had a great experience every time.”   Unfortunately, I don’t think people hear comments like that enough.

I would glowingly recommend this Apple store to anyone who is thinking about buying an Apple product or needs some training on their devices.  They have never let us down.

Athleta – Easton Town Center

I always love to buy Laurel clothes for her birthday or Christmas, but I have a major flaw in my shopping tendencies.  I guess I like certain types of clothes, certain colors, certain styles.  And, of course, I’m older, and my memory isn’t the greatest anymore.  Not sure it ever was….

I’ve had so many occasions where I find something I love, I get it ready for the holiday, she opens it, and she then has to tell me/show me that I got her something virtually identical, last Christmas, for her birthday, whatever.  Or, of course, I have those moments where I don’t get the sizing right, and she then has to return it.  I won’t go into my fine shopping experience where I bought her big petites, thinking that would work.  Not my best moment.

I’ve developed a “full-proof” (fool-proof?) plan with the help of the ladies at Athleta at Easton. Each birthday or Christmas, I load up a bag of Laurel’s yoga clothes, and I go to Athleta.  I find one of the helpful ladies there, and empty my bag, so they can see what Laurel has, what styles she likes, what sizes she wears, what colors she already has.  And then we go on a shopping spree, and they help me find clothing that Laurel would probably like, new colors, the correct sizes, it works almost perfectly each time.  They’re also really good about steering me away from a color that possibly/probably isn’t right based on Laurel’s current color choices.

Each time I go there, and I’ve been doing this for a few years, they patiently help me find nice presents for Laurel, and we’ve had few issues of wrong sizes or wrong styles, nothing is ever perfect, but this is close.  OK, you may say, this benefits them, they make more sales, but from my standpoint, so what?  I really believe this is great customer service, and I’ve never had such great customer service at any other clothing store.  They will get my business every year.

Garage 36 in Delaware

By far, the best automobile service center I've ever dealt with in my 50+ years of driving.  I happened upon them after a bad service experience at a garage in Worthington.  I had a feeling that I was being ripped off, but I'm far from an expert on mechanical issues.  I always rely on my brother Jim, who has a great deal of experience, and when I sent him a copy of the bill, he said, "Yeah, you really got overcharged".  It wasn't my first bad experience, as noted, I'm not an expert on cars, so I'm a pretty easy mark.

I received a referral to try out Garage 36 in Delaware, and I figured, it can't get much worse. Well, it didn't, in fact, it has been a Godsend to me.  I never feel like I get overcharged, and even better, when they can avoid a repair and save me money, they do that.  They are always responsive, they provide great follow-up to let me know the status of my repair, and I've never had any issues with delays or problems.  Justin does an outstanding job running the shop and providing great service, and Abbi is outstanding at customer service.  She is always prompt and thorough in providing feedback on our vehicles.  Plus, she's one of the nicest young ladies in the world.

And there you have it.  I wish I had more examples of great customer service, but sadly, I think that is just a fact of life with the way we have evolved.  Customer service is a dying art, and very few take it seriously.  I hated reliving the really bad service we’ve had from a few companies or service providers, but it made me really appreciate the ones I mentioned that provide outstanding service.  I would encourage you to give each of them a try.  I realize that Apple and Athleta are niche products, so you may not have any interest there, but if you do, I highly recommend both of them.  And Lord knows, we all need car repairs, and I can assure you, Garage 36 will never disappoint.