Instructions for When I Die!

Editor’s Note:  Just to be clear, I have no desire, plan or premonition that I am going to die anytime soon. As you can see below, our Small Group discussed the need to begin planning for that inevitable day, “graduation day”.  I’m very hopeful that I’m going to have to re-write this in 20+ years or so!

Instructions for When I Die

To the Glory of God, to the Grace of Jesus Christ, to the Love of the Holy Spirit

Our small group recently lost one of its own.  Scott Porter died this year, the first of us to go.  This was a devastating moment for all of us, Scott was an incredible man.  I used to compare him to the EF Hutton commercials, for those of you that old.  When Scott Porter spoke, people listened.  He was a kind, gentle soul, who spoke softly, rarely, but with much conviction.  He is missed and will be missed.

We had a small group retreat this summer to celebrate Scott’s life and have a memorial service for him.  As a part of that we discussed our own mortality and the fact that we weren’t getting any younger.  We discussed a sermon many years ago that one of our members, the Reverend Dr. George H. “Sandy” McConnel, gave at our church, Westminster Presbyterian Church, titled “Instructions for When I Die!”  We all decided that we would write our own set of instructions.  Now, you have to understand, I’ve always been different, I’ve often described myself as a “salmon swimming upstream”.  My instructions may flow against the current, but this is what I’d really like when I die.  I know some of it may be difficult or tough to pull off, and that’s OK, these are just requests.  All I ask is that everyone does their best.

The easy part, the basics first.  I really don’t want a visitation at a funeral home.  I don’t like those very much, they are largely uncomfortable for people, and I do enjoy so much more the church memorial service.  I also want to ensure any and all of my body parts are donated to those who need them.  I also want to be cremated with the ashes scattered in the ocean, preferably at a beautiful beach that I always loved to visit and run at in North Myrtle Beach.

The Service

I wish I could say I have this all scripted out, which would make it easier on everyone, but I can only say that I have a jumble of what I want to happen at the service.  As a broad overview, there are three main points that I want to come across clearly, which are:

·         First and foremost, the service should be a celebration of God and what God has done in my life and all of our lives.  I have been truly blessed, no idea why, but I want this to be a celebration of what God has meant to me.  While I know many of you will be sad, and you may shed tears, no tears should be shed for me, if you want to shed tears, do it for my lovely wife Laurel, my children Megan, Kelly, Patrick and Sean, my Mom, my brother Jim and the rest of my family.  I’ve been blessed with an incredible life, and no one should be sad for me. 

·         I want this to be a service of inclusion.  I want everyone, no matter their race, creed, color, sexual preference, or anything, to feel comfortable and loved at the service.  I have done my best in my life to accept everyone as they are, for what they are, and I want everyone to feel comfortable being at the service no matter what.  I just ask those who are not Christians to accept that this will be a Christian service, and to attend in respect to me and what I meant in their lives.

·         This is a service about you.  If you are at this service, somehow you have touched my life.  Whether it’s family, friends, colleagues, students, I have had so many incredible people in my life, who have influenced me greatly.  I want you all to get a chance to meet each other.  You are someone special, and you need to share that with each other.

The Scripture

·         Psalm 23 – “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want …” This one is spoken at most funerals, and for good reason.  I’ve always found it to be one of the most beautiful of the many Psalms in the Bible.

·         Matthew 5:3-10 – The Beatitudes from the Sermon on the Mount.  I guess because I’ve always suffered seeing those less fortunate and their position in life, I’ve found great comfort in the concept of “those who are last will be first”. 

·         Micah 6:8 – Ever since our Youth Choir at Westminster would sing this, I’ve fallen in love with this verse more than any other.  “What does the Lord require of you?”

The Speakers

As important as who I hope will speak, I would like to say who I would prefer not to speak, and I hope no one takes this wrong.   They would be:

·         Sandy McConnel – While I would love the Pastor who has been my Pastor for the greatest part of my life, plus a small group member, to give my eulogy, I really don’t believe it’s fair to ask him to do this.  His role as a small group member means, at least to me, it is only fair to allow him to mourn rather than prepare a eulogy.

·         Any of my family – While I would love my brother Jim or any of my children to speak, again, I believe it’s only fair to allow them to mourn rather than to prepare something to say.  That adds too much stress, and I think takes away from the moment for them.

Those who I would like to speak at the service are as follows:

·         Reverend Chris Henry – Chris is the Pastor at Shallowford Presbyterian Church, where we are members.  I still haven’t figured out how someone this young is this good, but if he isn’t great yet, he will be.  He can deliver a powerful, beautiful, emotional sermon, and I’m sure he will do the same for my eulogy.  As Chris knows, I love baseball, especially great pitching.  I have no doubt that Chris can deliver a eulogy that would make Bob Gibson or Nolan Ryan proud.

·         A Small Group Member – I leave it to each of you to decide who.  There are so many eloquent speakers in the group, really, you can’t go wrong.  My charge to you would be to talk about what small group means to each of us, and how important it is in our lives.  I used to always like to use the baseball slogan for small groups, “Small Group Fever!  Catch It!”  Maybe you can spread that Small Group Fever to everyone at the service.  And please, tell some funny stories.

The Music

Music has been a huge part of my life, particularly inspirational Christian music.  I listen to it each day when I go for a run, it centers me for the day, and helps me to remember who my day and life is devoted to.  I had a really hard time narrowing this down, but I came up with a few songs I’d love to have sung at the service, with a few special requests to go along with those songs.  The songs are:

·         “Amazing Grace” – This was the song and the sermon that brought me back to the church back when I was in college.  This song has always had a special place in my heart.  The Grace of Jesus Christ transcends anything throughout our lives, and is the greatest gift of all.  I would like this to be the opening song for the service.  I thought about requesting bagpipes since I love bagpipes so much, but I figured that was too much to ask.

·         “Be Thou My Vision” – This has always been, and will always be, one of my favorite hymns.  I love the Van Morrison version, it reminds me of my Irish heritage.  It reminds me of my Grandfather Pappy, who came over from Belfast when he was young.  Pappy taught my Dad, who taught me, the greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother.

·         “Desert Song” – This song by Hillsong United got me through a very difficult time when our world was falling apart.  I listened to this song practically every day back in 2013 when I didn’t know how to make it through another day.

·         “House at Pooh Corner” – I know, not a religious song, but I’m asking you all to bear with me.  My blog site is Stuffed with Fluff – Oh Bother due to my love of Winnie the Pooh.  I just think this song and this character take us back to a simpler time, and I’d like everyone to have something fun to hear during the service.  I would love if either Zac Harrison or Sam Dawkins would perform this, they are both incredible musicians, but if not, someone like them. 

·         “Sinking Deep” – Here is my big request.  I would like a band, hopefully led by Zac or Sam, to perform this at the end of the service.  I’m not talking anything crazy here, just guitar, piano, bass and drums, and I’d like it to be similar to the live version performed by North Point, which you can find on YouTube.  When you sing this, I want all of the doors and windows opened up, and in the immortal words of the Dropkick Murphy’s, I want you to “sing loud, sing proud” to the glory of God.  I want them to be able to hear everyone singing on I-85, and I want the mirrors to be vibrating (Tabitha Sharp will understand).

Some Very Important Details

·         Flowers – No.  Flowers are beautiful, and I love them, but I prefer them to be living and in the ground.

·         Donations – If you would like to give something in lieu of flowers, please give money to your church, my church or any church that you choose.  I believe in the universal church of God, so I encourage donations wherever you may see fit.  Also, there are certain non-profits and organizations that I love in case you would want to donate to one of those.  They are the Amanda Riley Foundation, Georgia Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, United Theological Seminary and Georgia Gwinnett College.

·         Pass the sign of peace (actually a little more) – Years ago Reverend Joan Salmon Campbell was a guest preacher at Westminster.  At one point in the service, she asked each of us to look into the eyes of the person next to us, and say “You are a child of God, and I love you”.  I still remember this moment, I remember Elma Talbot and I following these instructions.  I barely knew Elma at the time, and I still can’t believe I told her I loved her.  But think about this, it was probably 30 years ago, and I still remember it.  I would ask that this be a part of my memorial service.  You will never forget this moment.

·         My pets – I know I’m really pushing the line on this one, but I want my dogs there.  They have made my life very special, especially the ones we’ve been able to rescue, and I would like them to be there.  Besides, it’s tough for people to be sad when dogs are around.

·         Charge to those attending – I know how tough it is for a spouse to lose his/her partner, and I know how difficult it is for a child to lose his/her parent.  My charge to everyone is to stay in contact with Laurel and my children, not just for the first few days, weeks or months, but past that time period.  To take it one step further, don’t stop there.   Call or visit an elderly loved one.  As my Mom and her siblings get older, I wish we called more, talked more, visited more.  Don’t wait.

·         The Benediction – The final point to the service, after singing “Sinking Deep”.  I would like Sandy McConnel to deliver his benediction as I’ve heard it so many times before, leaving it etched in my heart and soul:

“Now go forth into the world in peace

Be of good courage

Render to no one evil for evil

Support the weak

Comfort the afflicted

Honor all persons

Love and serve the Lord

Rejoicing in the power of God’s Holy Spirit

And may the blessings of God

Father, Son and Holy Spirit

Be with you, this day and forever.”

In closing, if some of this is unreasonable, it’s OK, you know the general idea of what I would like my memorial service to be like.  I leave it to those more knowledgeable to come up with the order of the service.

I hope that I’m remembered as a devoted, but very flawed, follower of Jesus Christ, a man who completely adored his wife Laurel, who cherished his children Megan, Kelly, Patrick and Sean, who loved his parents, his family and friends, and tried his best to treat everyone with the respect and dignity that they deserve.  That is my hope, but I can’t do much about that now.  Years ago when Justice Thurgood Marshall retired from the Supreme Court, he was asked of what accomplishment he was most proud.  He answered simply, “That I did the best I could with what I had.”  I wouldn’t mind being remembered like that either.