This Isn't My First Rodeo

Last weekend I had the honor to serve as Father of the Bride for my daughter Kelly’s wedding to Clayton Crowe.   It was a little over four years ago that I had the opportunity to do the same for my daughter Megan’s wedding to Thomas McDonald, so I knew what how special this weekend would be.  Being the Father of the Bride is an incredible experience, it probably ranks up there close to getting married myself and seeing the birth of my children, it is that special.

Having experienced it before, I wanted this time to be extra special.  I knew that this would be my last time getting to give one of my daughters away, and I knew how much I enjoyed it the first time, and I wanted everything to be perfect this time.  This was probably a bit of a problem for me, I stressed too much on it being perfect, and didn’t enjoy the lead-up to the wedding.  It was much better for Megan and Thomas’ wedding, the wedding took place in Chicago, I was completely out of the planning, which was much better.  Having said all of that, Kelly and Clayton’s wedding was perfect, it was one of the highlights of my life.

There are so many highlights, so many special moments from the weekend, but I’ll just mention a few:

·         The weather did not cooperate!  The wedding was supposed to be outside, but due to rain, we had to hold it inside.  Kelly and Clayton had chosen a great wedding venue, the Payne-Corley House in Duluth, Georgia (http://paynecorleyhouse.com).  The staff there did a fantastic job converting the room quickly to go from a wedding to a reception.  You can’t control the weather, you just have to deal with it.

·         The young ladies in the Bridal Party were fantastic.  They were the ones who did the heavy lifting over the weekend.  They did all the preparation, nails, hair, dresses, they got very little down time, they did everything necessary to be even more beautiful than they already were, and they did it without any complaints.

·         The men?  They golfed.  OK, the weather wasn’t good, it rained and was cold, and they were incredibly upbeat even with less than ideal weather conditions.  It was so nice to be around such a nice group of young men, who were so full of life.

·         We had friends and family who came from near and far for the wedding.  We had friends from church, friends from WIKA, family from Colorado, North Carolina, Washington and Indiana come for the event.  While I never like to focus on any one group or person more than others, I was so appreciative that we had six members of my Small Group from Dayton, Ohio, and spouses, come to the wedding.  They have been a special part of my life for almost 20 years, and I can’t imagine my life without them.

·         It was special for me that my Mom was able to be there.  As your parents get older, and you start losing them, it means so much when you can share those special days with them.  I was so happy she got to be there to see Kelly and Clayton get married as well as spend time with her various children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

·         Our sons, Patrick and Sean, sang before the wedding.  They sang two songs that Kelly had chosen, A Thousand Years and Come Thou Fount.  As Thomas McDonald pointed out, Patrick and Sean have sang at Megan and Kelly’s weddings, who will sing at their weddings?  He voted for Megan and Kelly.  I think they will disagree.

·         The best man, Joe Wagner, gave an incredible toast.   Joe has been a huge part of Kelly and Clayton’s lives, and he captured it so well.  Kelly and Clayton are really blessed to have Joe in their lives.

·         As I’ve said before, and the advice I’ve given other Fathers of the Bride, savor every moment.  The night will go by very quickly, enjoy every moment, slow down the night as much as possible, because it will be over before you know it.  I did everything possible to slow it down, but it still went by too quickly.

·         The next morning, we got up about 7 am and went over to the Hampton Inn where most people were staying and spent some more time with friends and family, celebrating the night and getting those last few moments together.  When you see each other so few times, it’s so hard to say goodbye, but that time is inevitable.

For those who know me, there are three major potential emotional times for me.  The first was walking Kelly down the aisle.  Since I had practice at this, I knew my best option was staring straight ahead, not making any eye contact with anyone, and getting this portion over as quickly as possible.  I faltered a bit, but did OK.

The second was giving the Father of the Bride speech.  Now, I didn’t have any practice with this.  Much to Megan’s dismay, I never gave a Father of the Bride speech at Megan’s wedding because I just didn’t know this was standard protocol.  When they asked me if I wanted to do one, I said, “No, that’s OK.”  So I practiced several times before the wedding, and each time, I broke down somewhere during the speech.  I knew I wouldn’t get through it completely, but I would give it my best.  Since my Mom had a hard time hearing what I said, here is a copy of my speech:

Hello, I’m Steve McCullough

Some of you who know me have said, “You’re really holding up well, we anticipated you would be emotional by now.”  Well this isn’t my first rodeo, I know there’s plenty of opportunities for me to break down, including giving this speech.

First of all, on behalf of Connie Brewer, Wayne Crowe, and my wife Laurel, we’d like to thank all of the friends and family who have come to help celebrate the wedding of Clayton and Kelly.  Some of you have traveled great distances to be here, and we really appreciate everyone being here, it means a lot to us.

Last Saturday, I decided to go to the Internet to try to figure out what I should say today.  I found one of those sites on You Tube that outlined a Father of the Bride speech, and it said, “you should start writing your speech six months before the wedding”.  Since I only had six days, I shut down the internet, and decided I had to wing it.

For those who know me, I much prefer the written word to the spoken word, so I’ve pretty much written my speech out.  I do realize that I’m the last thing before you all get to eat, so I’ll be brief.

First I have to apologize to Kelly and Clayton.  I couldn’t figure out how to work Franklin into my speech, so here is my gratuitous favorite picture of Franklin.

From the beginning, Kelly was our Little Angel from Heaven.  When she was little, we’d say in the evening, “Kelly, are you ready to go to bed?”  She’d run back to her crib, and hold her arms up, and we’d put her in her crib, and she’d go right to sleep.  She was a perfect baby and little girl. 

As she grew, she developed an incredible personality and huge smile that could win over anyone.  She was always a favorite at daycare and school, and I remember the one time they did one of those activities that they do at daycare with the children, and part of it was “what do you want to be when you grow up?”.  So they had posted all of these around the room, and we were looking at each of them, and it was fairly standard, one wanted to be an astronaut, one wanted to be a baseball player, one wanted to be a policeman.  Then we came upon one and laughed and laughed.  This one wanted to be a Toys-R-Us Kid when they grew up!  Then we saw the name.

As Kelly grew older, she developed a deep passion for sports, particularly college basketball.  Her deepest passion though is for the Duke basketball team.  I remember coming home the one day, and I looked down into the family room, and there was Kelly, lying on the couch crying.  I went down and asked, “Kelly what’s wrong?”  She wiped her eyes and sobbed, “Duke’s down by 10 with 8 minutes to go.”

As Kelly grew up, she would tell me periodically that she was my favorite daughter, and I would correct her and say, “You’re my favorite youngest daughter.”  We’ve continued to carry that tradition forward, and Kelly, you will always be my favorite youngest daughter, I love you very much, I’m very proud of you, and you look beautiful today.  And you have far surpassed your goal of being a Toys-R-Us Kid.

 When we first met Clayton, I knew he was something special.  How did I know?  Animals are often the best judges of character.  We had a dog at the time, Minnie, and she was the sweetest dog in the world.  I know of at least two people in this room, my brother Jim and Jim Dyer, who can attest to Minnie’s sweetness.  In any event, when Clayton came over, he was the world to Minnie.  She would claim him as her own, she’d sit on the foot stool right with Clayton and even try to climb into his lap.  She loved him.

As we grew to know Clayton, we found he was incredibly hard working.  He worked hard at his main job, he had a second job at Sears for many years, he got his MBA, he played I think every intramural sport known to man.  He’s also started writing articles and blog posts about sports, mainly college and professional basketball, that are really good, if you haven’t had a chance to see them.  I really hope that someday he gets to fulfill my dreams of becoming a sports writer, but we shall see.  He also has an obsession with the TV show Full House, that I still haven’t figured out, but that’s another matter.

A few months ago, I got an e-mail out of the blue from Clayton that asked if I was going to be home that night?  I told him no, I was out of town.  I didn’t hear anything back, so I didn’t think too much of it.  A few nights later, Laurel and I were sitting out back, and heard the doorbell ring, and it was Clayton.  He came in and starting talking, and he was talking faster and faster, and really wasn’t saying anything, so I couldn’t figure out what he was doing there.  And then it hit me.  Wait a second, could this be?  And then we heard those words, and he asked us if he could ask Kelly to marry him. 

You know, as a parent, you always hope and pray that your children find that one special person, the person they can love, the person who will love them back, their soulmate, that they can live the rest of their lives with.  We were blessed four years ago when Megan and Thomas got married, and we’re blessed now.  We couldn’t ask for a better man to marry Kelly.

Well, I’ve run out of paper and words.  All that’s left is, I’d like to ask you all to raise your glasses to Clayton and Kelly.  To my Little Angel from Heaven, to the wonderful young man who stole her heart, may God bless your marriage, may you grow to be soulmates, and may you have a long and wonderful life together. 

Did I make it through without breaking down?  No, I struggled at a few parts, which I knew I would, but that’s OK. 

The third was the Father of the Bride dance.  This was bad enough for me at Megan’s wedding, I cried like a baby, but this one was going to be even harder.  Patrick and Sean had written a song for the Father of the Bride dance, and it wasn’t until about four hours before the wedding that I heard part of it.  When I did, there was little doubt, I would be crying.  When they introduced the song, the boys pointed out that I asked them to write a song for the wedding while Sean was in Florida and Patrick was in Georgia at school.  Patrick wrote the lyrics, Sean wrote the music, no pressure at all.  I could have pointed out,   they had about five weeks this summer when they were both home that they could have done this if they wouldn’t have procrastinated, but I won’t go there.  Anyway, here were the lyrics to the song they wrote:

Last Dance

Verse:

All I ask for is one more chance,
One more moment, one last dance.
In that time before I let go
I’ll remember how you make my heart glow.
And then we’ll separate.
He’ll hold you in his arms.
I know he can’t wait.
But give me this moment,
Give me this dance
To hold my dear daughter
With these worn hands.

Chorus:

And how can it be that yesterday
You were hanging on to me
Like I was a mighty limb?
And now you’ve found someone to dance with
In sickness and health,
In joy and despair?
Make no mistake, don’t be confused.
I’m so very happy, but slightly bemused.
So let this last dance be my adjustment.
When you have kids, you’ll understand.

Verse:

Now it’s ending, we’ve come this far.
But here our paths fork right where we are.
Don’t be discouraged, don’t you fret.
Be always smiling, and don’t you forget
Give me this moment,
Give me this dance
To hold my dear daughter
With these worn hands

Oh yeah, I cried.  It was a beautiful moment, you envision those times when your daughter was a little girl, when you were the most important man in her life, and you see her now, as a beautiful young woman heading off to a life of her own.  All of those emotions come flowing together into a difficult but very wonderful moment.  It was all so worth it. 

So that was my last rodeo.  I’ve given away two beautiful, incredible daughters, but I’ve received two amazing son-in laws.  I couldn’t imagine two better young men to welcome to our family.  When Sean and Patrick eventually get married, it’s not the same being the Father of the Groom.  Much less pressure, much less stress, much less emotion.  I’ve had my time, I look forward to seeing some proud father get to be the Father of the Bride.  He will have earned it.