A Clearing Season - Weathering Storms

  “The lesson, of course, is that our neighbor is not necessarily the one who looks like us.  Our neighbor may not belong to our community.  Our neighbor may be the person we have avoided or even despised, yet he or she may be the very one we will need for our survival.”

Atlanta to Providence, Rhode Island to Atlanta to Houston

How appropriate!  I mean the title of this week’s reading “Weathering Storms”.  We flew up to Providence to see Patrick this weekend.  The weekend started off great, we saw Jim Dyer, a close friend from Dayton at the Atlanta airport.  Jim was on his way to see his new grandson, and we got to spend some time together and catch up on each other’s lives.

We arrived in Providence to 37 degrees, torrential rain, and heavy winds.  We were definitely weathering storms.  It was awful weather for most of the weekend we were there.  But it isn’t just the weather, or wasn’t the weather, that created the storms for me.  I have to confess, this is very far outside my element.  As Laurel notes, she grew up in the city of Pittsburgh, so Providence doesn’t hold the same issues for her.  I grew up in the country, and have lived my life in the suburbs.  Plus, I’m the one who does all of the driving, and the Providence roads are painful enough, but with torrential rains, it creates a new level of difficulties.

I have a special trepidation for Patrick’s apartment and neighborhood.  Patrick lives in the ghetto, slums, low rent district, whatever definition you would give to an area such as this.  The building is run down, it smells, the carpet is soiled horribly, the walls are peeling, the railings are loose (do you get the picture yet?).  You constantly hear sirens as police or ambulances go to the next crisis. 

When we pulled up, I looked up to the porch, and Patrick was waiting there.  We got out of the car, and there was an African-American man yelling at someone in a car, something about a cell phone, and he had a pit bull with him, off its leash.  I quickly eyed Patrick and then eyed Laurel, and worried, is this pit bull going to attack one of them?  The man put the pit bull on its leash, and said, “Don’t worry about her, she’s friendly, she won’t hurt you.”  Patrick joked with him about what a good looking dog it was, and he said, “Want to buy her?”  This is how the weekend started.

We went to dinner that night at a pizza place a few blocks down, and as we walked there, in the rain, we passed a bickering African-American couple, not sure if they were homeless, they didn’t seem completely coherent or sane, but we quickly passed them by.  We went to the pizza place, and had an excellent meal.  That is the one thing I thought about as I sat there at dinner.  The people in the restaurant were incredibly friendly, and I guess that is my main point of all of this.  Not once, have I had a bad experience in Providence, or in Patrick’s neighborhood.  OK, the driving sucks, I’ve had some people with road rage issues toward me, but the people you meet are incredibly friendly, they are just nice, normal people, even if they don’t look like me, talk like me or act like me.  I just don’t feel comfortable there, and that is all on me, no one else.  I struggle in a climate of poverty, I feel guilty, I feel like an outsider, my heart aches the whole time I'm there.  As this week’s reading described, sometimes we take a step back in our spiritual journey, which is OK.  I definitely took a step back this weekend, I realized that I am not viewing everyone as my neighbor, and I need to work on that. 

Tuesday night was the awards ceremony at Georgia Gwinnett College where I received the School of Business Part time Teaching Award.  It was a wonderful ceremony where many students were recognized for their academic accomplishments.  As various students were recognized, some of whom were my former students, and you heard their stories, you heard stories of first generation college students, students who came from various countries, suffered many difficulties, but they were committed to succeeding.  As I scanned the great menagerie of races, ethnicity, and most likely, religions, I realized why I do what I do, or did what I did.  Laurel and I have talked, we were also first generation college students years ago, although we did have siblings who paved the path for us. 

While it would be a stretch to say these students were the ones I needed for my survival, I can say these students gave me life when I needed it.  Their energy, their commitment, their desire to learn, breathed life into me.  It’s hard to explain the satisfaction you can get from teaching, but I tried to do it in the biography that I wrote for my award:

“Seven years ago, Steve reached out to Dr. Tyler Yu about a part-time teaching position.   Since then he has taught various accounting classes each semester, and will be finally “retiring” from teaching this year.  While Steve has always had an appreciation for the work that teachers do, he learned that it takes a great deal of hard work, dedication, patience and creativity to be a teacher at the college level. 

Steve tries to bring his work experience with him to the classroom, to not only teach his students about accounting, but to also teach them about business through the use of real work examples.   Steve’s goal was to give back to students, and help them just like so many teachers have helped him through his education process, many years ago.  What Steve found was that he learned a great deal more from his students than he taught them.  These seven years have been incredibly rewarding, and he has so much appreciation for his students, and also Dr. Yu, Kathleen Pinson, Dr. Jim Weisel, and Dr. Janita Rawls for all of their help and support.”

This was such a bittersweet night for me.  With my job, with my travel schedule, I just can’t do it anymore.  To be honest, it’s also not fair to Laurel, as I often say, I’m off chasing and fighting windmills like Don Quixote, while she has to deal with the reality of our lives.  I just can’t do it anymore, but it hurts so bad to leave it.  I can’t believe what I received over the last seven years, it was so much more than I gave, and I’m so thankful for that.

Just a few more things and then I'm done.

Clinging Cross - To celebrate my seven years of teaching, I gave a Clinging Cross to Kathleen Pinson.  More than anyone, she has been the one to guide me, nurture me and train me to be a teacher. I never imagined when I first started seven years ago, how hard it is.  She was always there with advice and counseling.  Anytime I stopped by her office, no matter what she had going on, she would greet me with that smile and "Hello my friend!  Come on in!"  I could learn something from that.

Thank You? - At the beginning of the church service this week, our Senior Pastor, Chris Henry, thanked us all for being there.  It was spring break in the area, so various people were traveling, but Chris thanked those who were up all night with babies (like him), those who were older or tired, those who had ailments or illnesses, all of us, he thanked us for being there.  I sat there thinking about our choice, we took a 6 am flight out of Providence, so we could be at church.  I never thought twice about it (OK, I did think once about it), because it is Lent, and I wanted to be at church to hear the sermon, to experience the service, to be at Adult Education.  Our wanting to be at church had nothing to do with us, but it had everything to do with what we were getting from church.

Perfect Timing – Having said that about wanting to be at church, we had incredible timing on when we arrived.  Due to a flight delay, we got to Adult Education a bit late.  We arrived as this wonderful woman, Bette, was telling a story about playing her harp for people who are suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease.  I was mesmerized by the story.  She described how patients, who hadn’t shown any ability to recognize anything around them, would hear the music, would hear her playing hymns on the harp, and they would start humming, or whistling, along.  It was an amazing story to hear, and I was so thankful to get there just in time to hear it.

Later, Prue Swerlick, who is doing a wonderful job leading our class along with Kay Stewart, closed our class with “Be Thou My Vision”, as our closing prayer.  This has always been my favorite hymn, and I get teary-eyed every time I hear it.  Afterward, Jay Scott came up and talked about the Van Morrison version of “Be Thou My Vision” and playing it for his father’s funeral.  It took me back to many years ago, when I was lost and didn’t know if I’d ever find my way back.  I had left Laurel, I had left Megan and Kelly, and I was drifting, I was living at friend’s houses, sleeping in spare bedrooms, sleeping on the floor.  I had lost my way completely, and the one thing that kept me sane was listening to Van Morrison’s “Hymns to the Silence”.  I’d listen to it every night, and I’d listen to “Be Thou My Vison” every night.  Eventually, I came to my senses, I found my way back, and thankfully, Laurel didn’t give up on me.  It still amazes me how those little things, hearing those stories, sharing those stories in Adult Education, can tie it all together.

And so I look at this past week, and I realize, I did weather some storms.  I realize from my trip to Providence, I’m not who I want to be yet.  But I also realize, I’m not who I was either.  I can be so much more, but I am so much more than I was.  I’m still a work in progress, I have a long way to go, but God’s not finished with me yet.  And to close, stanza 3 from “Be Thou My Vision”:

“Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise

Thou mine inheritance, now and always

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart

High King of Heaven, my Treasures Thou art”

A Clearing Season - New Growth

“..the essence of gratitude is saying to God, surprise me… By such openness we say to God, whatever you give me, whatever surprise comes to me from you, I accept and welcome”

Atlanta to Harrisburg to Atlanta. 

This week brought a slight reprieve on the travel, just one short trip to Chambersburg, Pennsylvania.  The joy for me has been I’ve traveled the last week to Richmond, Indiana and Chambersburg with two colleagues from work, Brent Shadix and Jeanne Thrift.  I should also clarify that they are much more than colleagues, they are two very close friends.  As I’ve noted before in my blog posts, Brent is probably the best friend I’ve ever had at work, and also one of my greatest mentors.  Simply stated, he has made me a better person.  Jeanne is an incredible lady, I think the world of her, and she is a very dear friend.  Separate, they are great to be around, I really enjoy spending time with them.  Together, it is magical.  They have such a special friendship and relationship, I can just sit back and watch them interact, it is just so much fun.  While we worked hard this last week, I truly enjoyed the time we spent together.

The reading this week focused on new growth, and was probably the most enjoyable chapter for me.  There were so many nuggets of wisdom that I found myself wanting to highlight virtually the whole chapter.  I’ve listed the one quote above regarding surprise, which is often a hard thing for us to accept or want.  As I’ve noted, I tend to want to control everything, but I do have to say that I’ve had some great moments in my life due to surprise.  A couple that came to mind were:

The birth of our sons, Patrick and Sean - Some people know, Laurel and I weren’t exactly planning to have any more children.  The funny thing was that at one point early on, we were sitting in church, and there was a guest preacher.  He said in his sermon something along the lines of “the best things in life happen when you’ve made other plans”.  Laurel and I discussed it later, and both of us had the same exact thought that popped into our heads – we’re pregnant (of course, Laurel had a bit of a better idea than me!).  What made the pregnancy that much more special is that prior to it, we had been struggling in our marriage.  I wasn’t sure if we would really be able to make it, and the problem was squarely me, and not Laurel.  Somehow, the fact that she was pregnant seemed to be the impetus I needed to “grow up” and be a husband and father to Megan and Kelly, and now a new baby.

But again, God had other plans.  Just as we were adjusting to the fact that we were having a baby, Laurel started saying, “I think I’m having twins”.  I laughed, I said she was crazy, I dismissed the idea.  Soon, she had an ultrasound, and she called me at work.  I joked, “So, are you having twins?”.  She said yes, and we then had a back and forth conversation of me saying “You’re joking, seriously?” and Laurel confirming “yes, we’re having twins.”  After several iterations, Laurel said, “Do you want me to put the nurse on the phone?”  I confirmed I did, and the nurse said, “Well, you’re having twins, one’s definitely a boy, and I think the other one is too.”  I again went to my response to Laurel, “You’re joking, seriously?”, and she said “I would never joke about something like this.”  And the rest is history.

Leaving my job at Barco – What didn’t seem like a wonderful surprise at the time truly became one.  Again, God can surprise you, and you need to wait for the surprise to completely unfold.  When I worked at Barco, I used to say that I bleed Barco red.  I would travel continually, I would call co-workers from church, I completely gave up my parental responsibilities to work ridiculous hours.  I lived for Barco.  Then, after 13 years, Barco got a new CFO in Belgium, and he took an instant disliking to me.  I figured I could win him over, but there was no winning him over.  He was either going to figure out how to fire me, or make my life so miserable that I would resign.  I was devastated, but I left Barco and went to WIKA, where I’ve been for nine years now, and I love it even more than I did working at Barco.

But that’s not the full story.  As I said, I gave up my life, my faith, my family for Barco, and I don’t blame Barco, I was the problem.  When this happened, I finally figured out what the most important things in my life were, and I took back my family.  I unfortunately missed a lot of years that you can never get back, but I did learn before it was too late.  While I love working at WIKA, and I work hard, I will never put my job above my family again.  God gave me a wonderful surprise, I didn’t realize it at the time, but it turned out to make all the difference in the world.

While I had two major life-changing surprises as I noted above, I had two other great surprises just this past week:

Georgia Gwinnett College Part-time Teacher Award – I’ve been teaching in the evenings at Georgia Gwinnett College for seven years, and I’m retiring this year due to my travel schedule.  It’s been a very tough decision for me since I love teaching so much, and I love the students.  On Monday, I received an e-mail that I had received the Business Department’s Part-time Teacher Award.  Now, I’m not much for awards or accolades, I do what I do because I enjoy it, and I’m being perfectly honest, the opportunity to teach was award enough.  I will still say though that this e-mail made my day.  I really like and respect the people in the Business Department at GGC, and while I think the award is essentially just a “retirement gift”, I still deeply appreciate them thinking of me.

Barbara Riley from the Amanda Riley Foundation – I decided to give a Clinging Cross this week to Barbara Riley, Founder of the Amanda Riley Foundation.  I have so much admiration for Barbara and her family for what they do.  Seven years ago, she lost her daughter Amanda to childhood cancer.  While I can only imagine the pain of losing a child, and hope I never experience it, Barbara decided to dedicate herself to help other families that are going through a similar situation as she did by starting the Amanda Riley Foundation.  I hope Barbara doesn’t mind but I wanted to post a picture of Amanda for my blog post.  She was, and is, a beautiful child of God.

Yet again, God obviously had a hand in all of this, because it surely wasn’t me, but the timing worked out well.  A day or two after I gave Barbara the Clinging Cross, I got this e-mail back from her:

"I also want to thank you for the beautiful gift of the Clinging Cross.  What a thoughtful gift and much needed at this time of year.  This week and the coming weeks are always very difficult ones for us as each day represents a different anniversary of that horrible time in our lives.  Seven years ago yesterday was the last day Amanda was at home and seven years ago today we were told there was nothing more they could do.  So to say the timing of this gift could not have been better....but then God's timing is always right on.  Truly I do appreciate it and will treasure it forever."

So God, I'm ready, bring it on.  Surprise me.

Just a few more things and then I'm done.

Our Senior Pastor Chris Henry was back after taking some time off with his new baby and his family.  As usual, he didn’t disappoint.  The one part of his sermon gave me one of those light bulb moments, although it really shouldn’t be.  Maybe that’s why I always say my head is stuffed with fluff, the obvious just isn’t that obvious to me.  Anyway, when he talked about “A Clearing Season” and making space, he said:

“But making space for renewal of the soul is not like adding another item to the to-do list.  Caring for the soul is a gift we give ourselves, not an obligation we begrudgingly meet.  If we don’t make room to receive that spiritual gift, there will never be enough time in our crowded lives.  Like tidying up, making space for God is a choice and a commitment.  It involves setting priorities and holding ourselves accountable and sometimes, it means stretching ourselves beyond the comfortable.”

I had the hardest time not exclaiming “Wow!” or something like that when Chris said it in church, and I couldn’t wait for his sermon to be posted online to read it again.  Such powerful words.

As I noted, the reading this week had so many precious gems, but one of the sections discussed Vulnerability and the power that you can gain from vulnerability.  The passage cited various great examples, including Gandhi and Martin Luther King, but of course, it centered on the power through vulnerability of Jesus Christ and the Cross.  It said:

“Power is not what the world says it is, rather, we find power in the story of the Crucifixion.  We find power in a love that triumphs by passing through the vulnerability of death.  Each time that force seems to have defeated the vulnerable, resurrection is actually right around the corner.  Love returns to the world every time, with tender vulnerability so powerful it is unstoppable.”

Finally, some lyrics from my current “go to” song, “Heaven Knows” by Hillsong United:

"Hold my heart, don't let it break like fear

Sometimes a moment feels like a thousand years

God only knows why love is drenched in tears

Maybe that's what makes it love

Maybe that's what makes it love"

As I survey what God has presented to me this week, I have to say that I'm grateful for:

The love of a wife for a husband who didn't deserve it

The love of friendship

The love of teachers for their students

The love of a mother for her child

The love of a pastor for his church

The gift of God's surprises in my life

The love of a Father for all of us to sacrifice His only Son

A Clearing Season - Natural Rhythms

 “In the balance of law versus grace, what matters most is not our detailed, pious observance of the law but the heart with which we fulfill them.”

Houston to Atlanta to Houston to Atlanta to Richmond, IN to Atlanta. 

This week’s chapter centered on developing natural rhythms for our days to try to come up with practices that bring us closer to God in our Lenten Journey.   This will provide us with a new discipline foundation to build on.  I have attempted to develop my natural rhythm in the airplane and in my hotel room by focusing on “A Clearing Season” and focusing on my weekly blog about my Lenten Journey.

I must confess, this has been hard for me.  One of the difficulties for me has been committing to writing about my Lenten Journey each week.  I have had my blog for several years now, and my practice is fairly simple.  An idea for a blog post comes to me.  When I go on my morning runs, I “write” it in my head.  It usually takes a good month or two for me to write it, just like with my running, I’m slow.  Once I finally commit it to computer, it usually takes maybe an hour or two to finish it because it’s pretty much already written.  Since my practice is based on when something moves me rather than something under a constant rhythm, my writing over the last few weeks has presented a challenge for me, but a good challenge.  As Dave Carr would say, it has taken me from my comfort zone to a creative zone (but not a panic zone!). 

When I write, I largely do it for myself because I enjoy creating something since much of what I do every day is not creative (I’m probably being too harsh).  I really don’t focus too much on who reads it or doesn’t and as I often joke my readership consists of mainly two people, my Mom and Laurel.  Once in a while though, a blessing occurs, and just as my analogy about teaching goes, if you can reach one or two students a semester, I consider it a success.

In this case, I reached two very old friends (not in age) from my past, and it really made me feel good that two people who I had no idea read my blog, read it, and got something from it.  One was our first neighbor from when we bought our first house.  We “grew up” together as new parents many years ago, and it made me feel good to see she had read my blog and enjoyed it.  The other was an old friend from high school and college.  He reached out to me to express his gratitude for my post, and it was so nice to hear from an old friend from growing up.  I will have to say that this really made my week.  If one or even two people get something out of what I write over this Lenten Journey, I will consider it extremely successful, particularly since I am getting so much out of it.

The sermon this Sunday was based on Luke 12: 35-40 about being ready when God comes knocking at the door.  Bradley Kibler, Shallowford’s Director of Youth and Program Ministries, delivered the sermon, and it was incredible.  She was poignant, she was funny, she just delivered a great message, I was so impressed at how she tied it all together.  She maintained the theme of our Lenten Journey, and she focused on what can happen when we free up space and create room for growth.  When we free ourselves up, when we are ready for that knock, we are better able to become instruments of God in the world.  If we keep our eyes open, it’s amazing what we can see.  When we create space, we create better opportunities for surprise, for showing love and for creativity.  She even ripped a page out of her planner as a visual for us of not being bogged down in our daily schedules and plans, but maintaining the opportunity for greater connection with God through freeing up space.  While I had a strong feeling she really didn’t rip out a page of her planner, I still had a mild panic attack when she did this.

It reminded me of two powerful times in my life when God came knocking.  Once, I wasn’t ready, and I failed miserably, and once I was ready and made room, which made all the difference.

Several years ago, and I did write a blog post about it, I was sitting on a bench in front of a music store waiting for Patrick to finish his music lesson.  I was busy (crazy busy!) doing some work, and a gentleman, who I mistakenly thought was a street person sat down next to me and started talking to me.  I couldn’t give him the time of day, and I became angrier and angrier as time wore on and he wouldn’t shut up.  He began talking after a while about losing his wife a short time before, and how much he missed her.  He told me that this is probably why he talks so much to people, he’s just lonely because he misses her.  I stopped in my tracks at that point and realized how badly I had erred.  When I left, he looked me in the eyes, deep into my eyes, and I truly believe I was looking at the eyes of Jesus Christ.  And I realize how badly I failed.  To top it all off, it happened to be Easter Week.

The second time was several years ago also, and it was shortly after Patrick had come back from his second trip to a mental hospital.  Late at night, when we were almost ready to go to bed, Patrick came downstairs and said Allen Hoskyn (our Associate Pastor at the time) was coming over.  Laurel and I were shocked, we were tired, probably in our pajamas, definitely not ready for company.  But the doorbell rang, and there was Allen.  Patrick essentially invited Allen over to be the “mediator” between us.  It wasn’t that we weren’t getting along, it was that he had things he needed to tell us, and he needed that moral support to tell us.  I will never forget Allen’s willingness to pull himself away from his family late at night to play broker in our family.  It was helpful, we got a lot out on the table, and we had some honest conversations.  Allen was that welcome knock on the door many times in our trials with Patrick, and I will never forget him for that.

The other thing that jumped into my head listening to Bradley’s sermon was that we need to love others as the beautiful child of God that they are.  As I was flying this week, I asked the flight attendant for a coffee, and she brought it to me, but I had forgotten to ask for cream.  As she came back, and I apologized for my mistake, she started laughing, and I looked up, and I saw a beautiful child of God with a wonderful smile.  Delta gives its Medallion members these forms that you can give to a flight attendant or other employee, thanking them for whatever they may have done for you, and the Delta employee get 500 free miles.  I gave Latrice one of those forms, and wrote a note on it explaining why I gave it to her.  I simply wrote a few sentences about what a nice young lady she was and what a wonderful smile she had.  She was so appreciative, mainly for what I wrote,  and I thought to myself, how simple is it to make someone’s day?  Thank them, tell them they have a beautiful smile, be kind, it really doesn’t take much.  When we free up space, when we create room, we can show more love.  And we can tell them and remind them that they are a beautiful child of God.

Just a few more points, and I’m done:

We again had a wonderful Adult Education class about creating space, and in this case, hospitality.  I have to say, Shallowford is an amazing place for hospitality, and I can’t believe that we’ve been attending there for about a year, and people treat us like their best friends. 

Clinging Cross Ministry - This week’s Clinging Cross went to Bradley Kibler for pitching a shutout with her sermon.  For those who don’t know, I love baseball and I love pitching.  For me, a shutout is a masterpiece.  That’s what Bradley did.  I was so pumped up after hearing her sermon, it really inspired me.  She gave me the inspiration to create space, to love, to create, to encounter surprise this week.  Bradley also does something that I really can’t do, she serves the youth of the church.  Years ago, Laurel and I served as youth counselors at our church for one year.  At the end of one year, I told the pastor in charge of the ministry, “I know I have many gifts, but this isn’t one of them.”  I’m amazed at what Bradley is able to do, and many others are able to do, in working with youth.  It’s definitely not my calling.  It is Bradley's calling.  And, she is a beautiful child of God.

Last thing, in line with the natural rhythms.  As I was running this morning, the song “Break Every Chain” came on my Ipod.  If you don’t know this song, it’s very repetitive and very rhythmic.  As we enter another week of Lent, keep in mind that –

There’s a power in the name of Jesus

There’s a power in the name of Jesus

There’s a power in the name of Jesus

To break every chain, break every chain, break every chain

Hallelujah.

A Clearing Season - First Clearing

“Your Lenten discipline requires breaking your heart for God”

Atlanta to Sao Paulo, Brazil, Sao Paulo to Mexico City, Mexico City to Atlanta, Atlanta to Houston.

This past week and a half has been hectic, it was good to experience time in church on Sunday, excellent Adult Education class and then a great service and sermon.

As I sit in my hotel room in Houston, I reflect back to four years ago when our world fell apart.  As we adjusted to withdrawing Patrick from college due to his suicidal tendencies, as we checked him out of the first mental hospital, he revealed to us that he has been sexually abused by his music teacher. 

I remember that for at least 2-3 days, I had zero emotion, not a thing.  No nothing.  It was the strangest thing.  But then the one morning, as I was out for a run, the dam broke.  Tears, massive tears, anger, frustration, hate, embarrassment overwhelmed me.  I couldn’t control it anymore.  I was broken, and quite frankly, my brokenness was nothing compared to Patrick’s brokenness.  I still had my faith in God, I still relied on God to get through everything, but Patrick had lost his faith in God, he was angry and bitter toward God. 

I sit here now in tears, so many times, I end up in tears thinking about and remembering those days and the pain that Patrick has gone through, still goes through, and what we’ve been through.  We will never be the same, our lives are changed forever.  But I still believe, and I won’t change my belief, somehow, this will ultimately lead to something that will be to the glory of God.

While my week has been hectic and overwhelming at times, I continue to find blessings to help me see God’s work in my days.  Catherine Foster’s sermon Sunday was incredible, and she had one line at the end that really hit home, particularly thinking about what we had been through.  She said:

“So when the setbacks and storms of life come, and they will, don’t try to get out of the boat and walk on water. Stay in the boat, work with the brothers and sisters God has placed at your side, look for God IN the storm, and worship the Lord for his provision and grace.”

I remember when we were in our deepest, darkest moments, we had so many people from our church, from work, our family, that helped pull us through.  We had plenty of brothers and sisters in the boat with us, and they helped us through the storm.  And God was there, He was always there, suffering right along with us.  We couldn’t have made it through without God and without all of the people who helped us along the way.

I also had a major revelation this week (or actually, Laurel did).  We had an issue this week with Sean that came up, and my immediate reaction to Laurel was to vent and express that I would not do anything to help.  As I went out for my run, I was angry and frustrated with myself for my reaction.  But afterward, I said to Laurel that she needs to understand that sometimes I react, I vent, but ultimately, it’s just a reaction, and I need to get it out and then do what I need to do.  She said, “of course I know that.  You’d do anything for our kids, I know that, it doesn’t matter what it is, you’d do anything for them.”  

I may not be my Dad, I may not be the cheerleader that he was, but nothing will stop me from doing whatever it takes to help my children whenever they need anything.  She knew it, I probably knew it, I just need to understand myself as well as she understands me.

More blessings?  So many!  Just a few snippets of God’s providence:

• From Adult Education, a line from John O’Donohue’s “To Bless the Space Between Us”, this line, “Though suffering and chaos befall us, they can never quench that inner light of providence”.  Each week, I can’t believe how excited I get to go to Adult Education, it’s really a great group of people, and I gain so much insight from them.

• I downloaded a few songs from the soundtrack to “The Shack”, including “Stars” from Skillet and “Heaven Knows” from Hillsong United.  From ”Stars”, “If you can calm the raging sea, you can calm the storm in me” and from “Heaven Knows”, “Hold my heart, don’t let it bleed no more, sometimes forgiveness is like a man at war”.  Always great to have new music for my morning runs to get me ready to face a new day.

• Clinging Cross Ministry – I sent a Clinging Cross up to Callie Picardo, Vice President for Development at United Theological Seminary.  Callie is about to give birth to her first child, and she has helped to give me a great deal more faith in God’s provision and the power of prayer.  There’s a blog post coming on this, by the way, later on.  She is just an incredible young lady.

As I finish up this post, I reflect to my run this morning, and once more, “Keep Your Eyes on Me”:

“Keep your eyes on me

When you’re lost in the dark

Keep your eyes on me

When the light in your heart is

Too burned out to see

Keep your eyes on me”

A Clearing Season - Exploring the Wilderness

“The Spirit immediately drove Jesus out into the wilderness.  He was in the wilderness forty days tempted by Satan, and He was with the wild beasts, and the angels waited on Him” Mark 1: 12-13.

“Self-scrutiny is part of Lent’s process, but we do not observe Lent for the sake of self-scrutiny alone.  To sit too long with the guilt and shame of our misdeeds would, in fact, go against the gospel message.  Christ’s message is one of new life and forgiveness…”

I wrote a blog post a few years ago titled “What Is Wrong With Me”.  It focused on how I had seemed to slip into a spiritual desert, and struggled to get out of it.  I hadn’t lost my faith, I just was in a malaise, a down period, and I just couldn’t break out of it.  Unfortunately, it took the death of one of my students to snap me out of it.  I wrote about that transformation in a follow-up blog post titled, “Out of the Desert”.

The first chapter of “A Clearing Season” is titled Exploring the Wilderness.  It discusses the fact that we need to explore situations that make us uncomfortable,   To fully experience the Lenten experience, we must take ourselves to difficult places and see things that we really don’t want to see.  As the quote above notes though, we can’t get stuck there, we have to move on, we have to experience new life and forgiveness.

As I’ve noted, I do get stuck there sometimes, and I need to figure out how to experience the wilderness, or desert, depending on your choice of metaphors, but move on to new life and forgiveness.  As I noted last week, my focus is to be much more intentional about my faith, to experience Lent, to embrace this, to keep my eyes open and to keep my eyes on God. 

As I finish my first week of Lent, I’d like to move past the “wild beasts” I’ve encountered, and I have to delight in some of the angels that I was able to experience along the way.  Part of this is due to my heightened sense of trying to truly experience Lent and embrace it, I’m sure, but I’m thankful for:

• “Keep Your Eyes on Me” – As I would sit on planes, taking off or landing, I’d let my mind wander to hearing Faith Hill singing that line over and over again.  No disrespect to Tim McGraw, but ever since I heard Faith Hill sing “Breathe”, I’ve been in love with her voice.
• “Break Every Chain” – As I was going through customs in Sao Paolo, Brazil, I heard faintly this sweet voice over the sound system, singing “There’s a power in the name of Jesus to break every chain, break every chain, break every chain”.  I had never heard this version before, I have the Will Reagan version, but I’m going to have to try to find it.  What a wonderful way to start the journey.
• Clinging Cross Ministry – I gave out my first Clinging Cross for Lent.  I chose a wonderful young lady who is starting a new journey at work with us.  She is moving from a division to corporate, a change I am very familiar with, and know how hard it can be.  The good news is that she is an incredible person, and I’m sure she will flourish in her new opportunity.  But we can all use encouragement along the way.
• Clinging Cross Part 2 – When I posted my blog post last week on Facebook, I inadvertently had posted a picture of my Clinging Cross.  Sometimes I’m not the most technically savvy person.  It was a very fortuitous error to make because several of the people who I had given Clinging Crosses to over the years made comments about their Clinging Crosses. 
• Chris Henry’s Sermon – On my flight from Sao Paolo to Mexico City, I was able to read Chris’ sermon from Sunday that I had missed since I was traveling, “A Clearing Season: Entering the Wilderness”.  It was outstanding, of course, but there was a beautiful story toward the end of the sermon that brought me to tears.  While I wish I could have been in church to hear it, I was thankful I had the opportunity to read it on my trip.  It made a very painful, long flight much more bearable.

 While we must face Satan and the wild beasts when we explore the wilderness, I’m thankful for the angels that help get us through that journey.  We can’t make it without them.

A Clearing Season

Last week our Senior Pastor Chris Henry introduced our Lenten Study for the next six weeks or so, which will center around a book, “A Clearing Season” and small group development and interaction to study the book and come closer to God.

I have to confess that I’ve never been much for Lent, and please don’t take that in the wrong way.  Due to my job and profession, this is one of the worst times of the year, I’m “crazy busy” (wait, didn’t Chris do a sermon on that topic?), and I just don’t have time for Lent.

As Chris introduced the study and the schedule, I looked and realized that there was a bit of a problem.  Week 1, wait, I’m out of town.  Week 2, that’s right, I’m out of town.  As we went through each week, it dawned on me, I was going to be out of town through Holy Week.  It was going to be a little difficult to engage in this study if I was going to be out of town every week.

I decided though that as “crazy busy” as I am, as difficult as this might be, I need this Lenten study as much or more than ever.  In our Sunday School class, we have been studying the book, “The Shack”, and reading this book and rehashing some memories of our “Year of Discontent” in 2013 made me realize I need to resolve some things in my life. 

Let me take a step back for a second.  As those of you who have read my blog know, 2013 was the year that everything unraveled for us.  We came off of an incredible 2012 as a family, and one by one, things fell apart.  We put our dog Minnie to sleep, Laurel’s Mom died, my Dad died, and worst of all, we had to withdraw Patrick from college after he started having suicidal tendencies and had to go into a mental hospital twice.  To make it even worse, we discovered through this that the music teacher, who we had trusted as family, had sexually abused Patrick leading him to this desire to commit suicide. 

The interesting thing was that through everything, through the pain, the crying, the hurt, the feeling of failure, and those nights of thinking, I really can’t go through another day, my faith in God grew stronger.  Sure, there were days, when I’d be out on my morning runs, when I’d curse God, I’d question His wisdom, His “plan”, but my faith in Him didn’t waiver and I actually grew closer to God.  I’ve never been closer to God in my entire life, and since then, while my faith hasn’t changed, I’m not nearly as close to Him as I was then.  And as Chris alluded to last week, so who do you think moved?

I remember reading a story about prisoners of war during World War II describing the bond they had with each other and their closeness with God during that time, not knowing from day to day if they would continue living or be killed.  They described what it was like to be released, to be free, but lose that closeness with God.  While I would never compare my situation to theirs, I’ve experienced a similar phenomenon.  When I was at my deepest, I was closest to God. 

We discussed this briefly last week, and one young lady hit the nail on the head, at least for me.  We are so achievement oriented, we think we can do anything.  Most of the time, we don’t need God.  We essentially tell God through most of our lives, “I got this God, no need to intervene”.  It’s only when we hit bottom, when we can’t figure out what to do, we reach out to God for help.  Once we get through the tragedy or despair, we go back to our old ways.  I’m probably one of the worst there is for wanting control, so I can really relate to the idea of being in control and not needing God.

The question then becomes, how do we achieve this closeness with God without some awful thing happening to us to put us in the position of needing Him?  I’ll be honest, I never want to go through another year like 2013 again, so I really want to figure out how to do this without falling into the depths of Hell on earth again.  That will be my task, and I invite you to my journey.  I plan to write about my Lenten journey over the next six weeks or so, and share with you my progress. I will update my blog post as I go, and I hope, you will see some progress on the way. 

To get me traveling in the right direction, I’ve taken a few of the key points that Chris shared on Keeping a Holy Lent.  They are:

• Self Examination - How is it with your soul?
• Self Denial - We do not live by bread alone
• Acts of Compassion - Serving others in need
• Gathering in Community - For worship and study

·         I always believe the first step comes down to focus.  To help me focus on what I need to do and to put

me in the right frame of mind, I changed my computer screen background for this period of time.  I chose my favorite benediction from our many years at Westminster and from a dear friend, Sandy McConnel.  I’ve posted a picture of the benediction that I am planning to wake up to each day when I turn on my computer.

Self Examination – One of the things that really hit me as I read “The Shack” was I need to work on forgiveness.  I realize that while I need to forgive others, first, I need to forgive myself.  I struggle greatly with how I treated my father, and with my lack of being a good father.  My Dad was an incredible man, and an incredible father.  Unfortunately, to a great extent, I didn’t realize it until he was gone.  My Dad was so proud of me, and no matter what I did, he was proud of me.  He was always my biggest fan, and he made sure I knew it.

While I feel the same way about my own children, I just don’t have that ability that he had to show them how proud I am of them.  I wish I had his gift, I wish I could be the man and father he was, I just haven’t been able to do it like he could.

I can’t change the past, I can’t go back and show my Dad how much I appreciate all he did for me like I should have, but I have to get past that and forgive myself for what I didn’t do.  I also have time, hopefully plenty of time, to show my children how proud I am of them like my Dad did for me.  Re-reading “The Shack” really opened up this wound for me that needs to be addressed and healed.  I can’t effectively forgive others until I learn to forgive myself.  This will be a major part of my self-examination this Lenten season.

Self Denial – No more “useless” internet.  My point here is that I have to use the Internet for banking, some purchases, travel, teaching, but other than that, no internet.  I/we waste too much time on useless internet sites, and as Dave Carr would say, we have to avoid those rabbit holes.  No useless internet, more effective study and reflection.

Acts of Compassion – Historically, I have had a “Clinging Cross” ministry.  Periodically, when I find

someone in need, I give them a Clinging Cross with a note to help them through their issue or as encouragement for them.  I just ordered six more Clinging Crosses, and my plan is to become more intentional this Lenten Season, and give out those six Clinging Crosses to those who need some compassion and encouragement.  I’ve posted a picture of my Clinging Cross, which doesn’t look nearly as nice as the ones I’ve just bought.  Mine has seen better days, but it’s also helped me through my worst days.

Gathering in Community – On a plane?  Seriously, I can still make this work.  I plan to read “A Clearing Season” along with the church, and hopefully, somehow interact with some people along the way, maybe at church on Sunday, to get the most out of the book and this journey.  As Dave Carr would say, we have to live in commUNITY. 

One final thought.  As a part of studying “The Shack”, we’re planning to go see the movie when it comes out.  Tim McGraw and Faith Hill have recorded a song for the movie titled, “Keep Your Eyes on Me”.  It’s funny, the lyrics are rather simple, but the message is so easy, so clear, but so true.  It’s really that easy, we just make it so hard.  As I thought about the song, I thought about 2013, and really how I was able to make it through that year.

When your mother-in-law dies:

“Keep your eyes on me”

When your Dad dies:

“Keep your eyes on me”

When your son wants to kill himself because someone he trusted and loved committed a terrible crime against him:

“Keep your eyes on me”

When you just don’t know how you will be able to make it through another day:

“Keep your eyes on me”

When the rock in your life, the one who never falters, starts crumbling and can’t take it anymore:

“Keep your eyes on me”

If we maintain our focus, we can get through anything.  It's Ash Wednesday, my Lenten Journey begins.

Why Are We Here?

Editor’s Note: Laurel and I have worshipped a great portion of our adult lives at Westminster Presbyterian Church in Dayton, Ohio.  We carry a great deal of bias toward Westminster, since we spent most of our time there, and we also raised our children there.  Since we have moved to Lawrenceville, Georgia, we worshipped for several years at First United Methodist Church of Lawrenceville, and most recently, we have joined Shallowford Presbyterian Church in Atlanta.  For simplicity, most examples below will not reference any church in particular, but all three churches have provided a wonderful experience for us.

Recently in a Sunday School class, as we were winding down on the topic after a few weeks, the leader of the class made a very innocuous comment, “Why are we here?”  He was really referring to the class itself, but I thought about it for a moment, and expanded it in my own mind to the greater questions, “Why are we here as in why are we at church at all?”  I think it’s a valid question to ask ourselves from time to time, to challenge ourselves as to our purpose for attending church or Sunday School, and so I’ve been running this through my mind for a few weeks since I heard that question. 

In no particular order:

I’m here for ….

Great Sermons – I’ve been blessed to hear some great ministers over my life.  I will never forget hearing Dr. Tom Long once as a guest minister, as he delivered the sermon that has been etched in my brain forever, “Be Kind, Be Kind, Be Kind”.  Since it was many years ago, I actually got a cassette tape of the sermon, and would periodically listen to it afterward, it was that good.  Sadly, either the cassette died or cassette players died, but I still remember so much from that sermon.  For a great deal of my adult life, I’ve heard two of the best, Sandy McConnel and Davis Chappell.  Recently we are getting the opportunity to hear some outstanding sermons from Chris Henry.  While Pastor Henry’s sermons carry a great message, what I really love is the delivery and the emotion he brings to his sermons.  He personalizes so much of what he delivers, you can’t help but feel the emotion from him, and consequently, it brings the emotion out of you.   

To be honest, I have no idea what makes a great sermon or a great minister, but I do know it’s a key to me for my church experience.  I want to hear the word of God, I want to learn, I want to be challenged, I want to grow in my faith.  When I find a minister that can deliver a compelling sermon, I really look forward to church each week and feeling the Holy Spirit through those words.  I find myself now looking forward to each Sunday and being inspired by the word of God.

Beautiful Music – First, I have to confess, I have zero musical ability (I also can’t dance).  I think that might be why I love music so much.  I love hearing a great choir sing, I love those “special music” times, Christmas or Easter, when you have the brass, the strings, the percussion.  We used to have a Heritage Sunday each year, and we would have bagpipers, who would process down the center aisle.  It was incredible hearing “Amazing Grace” as the bagpipers marched down the aisle.  I remember each Easter, the opening hymn, “Jesus Christ Is Risen Today” with the choir processing, the full brass, Brent Manley banging the cymbals.  It was amazing.  Most of all I remember probably 30 years ago, the Central State Chorus coming to our church and singing with our choir.  I remember one young lady singing “I Want To Die Easy”, and feeling her voice go right up my spine, it was so beautiful.

Second confession, I’ve dreamed of being a music conductor for many years, which of course I know is a useless dream, since I have absolutely no musical ability.  For so many years, I was blessed to watch John Neely lead our choir, and lead the youth choirs.  He had so much passion, so much dedication to bringing us beautiful music to the glory of God.  He also had so much passion and dedication to raise our children and youth in a music tradition.  He believed it was vital to our children to have this as a critical part of their development.  Over the years, I’ve seen some amazing choir directors, and I’m consistently impressed with their passion for great music, and their dedication to raising our youth in a music environment, centered on the worship of God.  Maybe it’s the fact that I’d love to be able to do this, or maybe it’s the fact I have no musical talent whatsoever, but for me, there is something about a Christian music director that is just incredible.  I have so much respect for what they do and what they bring to a service.

Christian Fellowship – To me, this is one of the greatest arguments against just being able to worship at home.  Worship is a group activity.  While a great deal of it resides within us, we need each other and need to support each other to make it meaningful.  As my dear friend Dave Carr says, it's all about commUNITY.  One of the most poignant moments I’ve experienced is the Altar Call we used to have at one of my former churches.  During the service, people would go to the altar to pray for whatever issue faced them, and various people would go up and lay hands on them and pray with them.  In some cases, I didn’t know what the issue was, in some cases, I did.  It didn’t matter, you prayed for whatever healing that person needed. 

I remember experiencing it once from the other side.  Laurel and I went to the altar to pray, and all of a sudden, there was hand upon hand on us, praying for us.  It was such a powerful moment, it felt as if the hands of God were comforting us.  I remember once someone saying, “sometimes you need to let people wash your feet”.  It’s often easy to support others in need, but it’s not so easy to return the favor and let other people support you when you need that support.  That’s why we’re here, we have to be there for each other, and it goes both ways.

What I can’t help but be amazed by each week since we started going to Shallowford is an older gentleman (or I could say, a young guy like me) named John Britt.  We’ve been there almost a year, and he has continually and consistently treated us like the best friends he has.  I’m not quite sure I’ve ever felt this welcome at any church.  It’s not just him, there are others who exhibit the same characteristics, but I’ve never seen anyone quite like John Britt.  He embodies what Christian fellowship is all about.

Continuing Education – I always believe that I’m a work in progress, and I will always be a work in progress until “Graduation Day” when it’s time to go to Heaven.  I’m far from an expert on theology, and I’m far from an expert at many aspects of Christianity, but I’m always willing to learn.  I love to be challenged, I love to get my faith tested, I believe that is how we grow in our faith.  I also love to have the opportunity to hear and learn from others, there are so many of us on the same path, we may be on different parts of the journey, but we are all on the same journey.  I love to hear what other people are thinking, how they view a particular topic, and to grow in my faith and understanding from hearing a different viewpoint.  To me that is the only way to grow.

Over the years, I’ve used study guides, fiction books, the Bible, all different types of tools to help in the Continuing Education process.  At the end of the day, I still believe these are just spring boards to what the real learning comes from.  Being able to share stories, and to relate our personal experiences to each other, so that we can grow together is the way to really learn. 

Let the Children Come to Me … - One of our previous churches took the approach that many churches are taking and set up separate services for the youth and children.  Our service became for the most part, adult only, and we even separated for the most part into age groups.  While I realize this is the trend in many churches, it’s just not what I want for my church experience.

Many years ago, when we were at Westminster, we went through a great deal of discussion and debate over a topic, Whole Community Worship, while I was on Session.  Ultimately we decided to adopt Whole Community Worship.  The basis was that nothing should conflict with the hour of worship, everyone, from, if I remember right, 3-4 years old, to the eldest population should worship together.  We grew up with this model, and many people and families have essentially helped raise my children over the years from a church experience.  I want to pay that forward.  When babies are baptized in church, when we agree to help raise that child, I don’t just say it, I mean it.  I believe that is part of my responsibility, duty and honor, to help raise our children in a Christian environment. 

I didn’t realize how big of an impact that this has had on me.  We started attending Shallowford last February, and we were there for the Easter services.  On Palm Sunday, all of the youth choirs sang, and as they processed down the aisle, waving those palm branches, I started crying.  I didn’t realize how much I missed seeing children and youth in a worship service.  I love seeing the little children, I love seeing them sing in the choir, seeing them listening to the Children’s Message, hearing them in church, watching them with their families.  I love seeing the youth as they grow into young adults.  I remember so many of the youth from when my children were growing up, Alan and Matt Dyer, Caroline and Katherine Ey, Breanna Shell, watching them grow from those little children squirming in the pews to incredible young adults.  That’s what I want to see and hear, and I will do whatever small part I can to help them grow in their faith. 

Missions – I’ve always had a special place in my heart for missions, but the last few years have changed me immensely.  I’m not sure if it’s through travel or what has caused it, but the plight of those who are homeless or terminally poor has had a huge impact on me.  When I travel to South America, it’s amazing to see miles upon miles of partially built or torn down buildings, depending on your perspective, with lights and clothes lines, which means people are living in these buildings.  When I go to Houston, there are several underpasses near the airport that have countless homeless people begging for money. 

I don’t have an answer to this, and I’m not sure if there is one, but we have to do something.  I’ve read various books, “Under the Overpass” is a good one as is “Toxic Charity”, but still, I always feel like I’m stuck in the mud, I can’t figure out what to do, so I do nothing.  One of the greatest inspirations I’ve had has been Allen Hoskyn.  He is actually doing something about some of the issues we face in our communities, and he is making a difference in Lawrenceville.  Allen Hoskyn is the embodiment of the hands and feet of Jesus in our world.

I believe that a church, any church, should focus a great deal outside of its doors.  The church and its members should be spreading the word of God in the community, locally and outside of the local area.  Sometimes it’s a stretch for some of us, I know it’s not always an easy endeavor to step outside of our comfort zones, but I believe it’s a vital part of our work as a church.

Before I finish, I have a question.  Have you ever felt the Holy Spirit in Church?  Have you ever felt that warm chill come over your body?  Have you ever heard words so incredible in a sermon that your whole body feels it, and you start to cry?  Have you ever heard an anthem or solo so beautifully done that you can feel the Holy Spirit inside of you?  It doesn’t happen very often, but when it does, you know, and you know it’s special. 

So that’s why I’m here, but really it’s much simpler than all of this.  I’m here to worship God.  I’m here to thank God for all He’s given me.  I’m here to ask God to help me be a better person, and to forgive me for the thousands of times I sin every day.  I’m here because this is all based on faith, and while I know I’m never going to get all of the answers, I’m always going to have lots of questions.  I’m here because I want to help you, and although I’m not good about asking it, I really need your help too.  I’m here, and I’m so glad I’m here.  And I’m glad you’re here too.

The Sound of Silence

Rise of the Phoenix - The Rebirth of a Failed Blog Post

A few years ago, I wrote a letter to Grove City College to express my disgust at their false piety.  It was a powerful and nasty letter.  Before I sent it, I let some of my Small Group read it, and I remember Jim Dyer's comments.  He said, "You know, sometimes you feel like punching people in the nose.  When you do, it really feels good for a minute or two.  But in the long run, you feel worse."  I took his advice, I amended the letter, and I sent a powerful, but not quite as nasty, version.  I jabbed them in the nose, I guess, instead of a punch.

Which brings me to my latest blog post.  It was probably my greatest writing ever.  I had been writing it in my head for weeks as I went on my morning runs, which is how I normally write, and it was good.  My post was about the election,a nd mainly about all of those people who elected our new President.  I punched a lot of people in the nose.  I punched those people who work in mental health, but still elected a person who makes fun of those with physical disabilities and calls people retards.  I punched those people who advocate for women's rights, but elected a person who has very little respect or regard for women.  But I saved my best blows for two seemingly disparate groups - white supremacists or racists and some evangelical Christians.  One hides under a sheet to spread hatred for African Americans while one hides behind the Bible to spread hatred for Muslims and homosexuals.

The funny thing was, I knew it was just wrong.  How did I know?  When I wrote it in my head, it flowed so beautifully.  When it came time to commit it to paper, or computer, I just couldn't do it.  Eventually, I did, and it was good, but it was so difficult and painful to write.  It was hateful, it was ugly.

I decided to get a few opinions before posting it.  I decided to poll the "Three Wise Men", Dave Carr, John Ey and Jim Dyer, three of my Small Group members.  I chose them because of the diversity of opinion I knew I would get, and the diversity of comments they would provide.  And they didn't disappoint.  In all cases, the opinion was universal, don't post this.  What was so wonderful was how they said it.

First I heard back from Dave Carr.  Dave is the most liberal of the group, so I thought I had my best chance of anyone of him saying "go for it".  Dave didn't actually say don't post it, but he gave me some things to think about on whether to post it or not.  He left it up to me, but his closing comments or argument was a four-way test:

1. Is it the truth
2. Is it fair to all concerned
3. Will it build goodwill and better friendships
4. Will it be beneficial to all concerned

Sadly, my blog post failed the four-way test, my only real passing grade was on number one, it was the truth.  I pretty much knew that if Dave, without rejecting it, rejected it, I didn't have much hope from John and Jim.

John was next, and in the inimitable John Ey fashion, he didn't say much about the post, but he attached an article by David Brooks for me to contemplate my post compared to a very reasoned view that Mr. Brooks had.  Of course, Mr. Brooks made some wonderful points without the hate and vitriol that I used.  Strike two.

Last was Jim Dyer, and he was effusive in his praise for my writing, but clearly stated, please do not post this.  Ever.  Strike three, batter out.

All I kept thinking was, but this is so good!  It's probably my best writing ever.  And there are so many people who really do need a good punch in the nose.  But sadly, I knew it was just wrong.  I knew I couldn't post something so mean, so nasty, so hateful.  Having said all of that, Dave did give me a glimmer, and I decided to latch on to that.  Dave said, maybe you can rework it and make it less hateful?  Maybe you can pull out the positives and focus on them?

While my main objective was punching people in the nose, there were a few areas where I at least made some good points without bashing the shit out of people.  So I will give you three things to think about as you continue to contemplate 2016 and the surreal election year we have had.

Personalize It - Many people like to characterize groups of people and put a label on them.  We had plenty of that during this election season.  Even though I am a life-long Republican, and have always voted Republican, I detest our President-elect, and couldn't vote for him.  While many would bash those who supported him as uneducated or racists, that is clearly not the case with many people.  There are a lot of very good people who supported him, and I would always try to envision those people when I would get angry about something that he would say or do.  In my case, I would think about my Mom, Mrs. Brennan, and Brent Shadix.  I love my Mom dearly, of course.  Mrs. Brennan is a neighbor, who is probably one of the nicest, sweetest women you could ever know.  And Brent Shadix is probably the best friend and mentor I've ever had in my 30+ years of working.  Whether you supported one candidate or the other, I'm sure there were people on the other side that you feel about the same way I feel about my Mom, Mrs. Brennan or Brent.  Try to visualize those you hold in the highest regard when you think about how someone could support a candidate that you dislike so much.  It makes it that much harder to throw a huge blanket over the group and label them in a negative way.

Withhold Judgement - I remember years ago, Patrick and Sean were each assigned a grade school teacher, and Patrick's teacher had a horrible reputation.  Countless parents told us we should switch teachers, get a new one for Patrick.  We decided to let the process work, and we kept Patrick with that teacher.  Much to our delight, she was a wonderful teacher, and Patrick loved her.

While I'm very skeptical of our President-elect, and I'm skeptical of some of his appointments, I'm willing to withhold judgement until we see what unfolds.  Over time, there have been many appointees, whether it was to Cabinet positions, the Supreme Court or any other high-ranking government positions that have raised questions or skepticism.  Some have turned out well, and some haven't.  I think we owe it to the system we have and those running the system to give them the benefit of the doubt for now and give them every opportunity to succeed.

Don't Sing Louder - I heard a sermon recently where our pastor told a story about Germany during World War II.  The story was told from the perspective of a Christian woman who described what it was like to be in Nazi Germany during the Holocaust.  She said that when they would be in church, and the trains would go by with the cars filled with Jews, being transported to their death, they would just sing louder to drown out all of the cries and screaming.

If we do see our President-elect and our government mistreating those less fortunate or those in the minority, I don't know about you, but I ain't singing louder.  We need to rise up and stand up for those who need our help and support.  We've given up our voice for so many years in this country, we've become lazy and complacent, we need to remember what made this country great.  

While this blog post isn't nearly as well-written, nearly as eloquent, it's also not nearly as mean and evil as its origin.  I have the Three Wise Men to thank for that.  It also gave me the inspiration to try something new on my blog - a slide show set to music.  Stay tuned.

When Life Gives You Perspective

Maybe it’s because December marks the holiday season, maybe it’s because Christmas is coming, but December gave me some perspective on life, even more than most years.  A few stories to share:

A Failed Anniversary Celebration - So in between trips, Houston one week, Mexico the next week,  Laurel and I had our 34^th wedding anniversary.  Since I was traveling so much this year, I had made grand plans.  I pretty much had a full agenda scheduled for Saturday and Sunday, Christmas shopping, an anniversary dinner, a lunch downtown.  It was the beginning of the Christmas events at church, we were picking up our tree at church, we were going to special services, it was going to be an incredible weekend.  But Laurel got sick, and our grand plans turned into picking up our tree and doing nothing with it and going to the early service at church to avoid as many people as possible, since Laurel wasn’t feeling well.   I cancelled our dinner reservations, and we just sat on the couch all weekend, watching Hallmark Christmas Movies and cuddling with the dogs under the blankets, as Laurel tried to do her best to start feeling better. 

As Monday rolled around, and I was heading out of town again, I was disappointed, I could even say depressed.  I had built up to the weekend so much, I had such great plans, such expectations, and we did absolutely nothing.  And then I thought about it, and it hit me.  We did absolutely nothing all weekend, but we did it together.  We spent an entire weekend together, watching silly, sappy movies, but we did it together.  No running around, no pressure to get things done, just enjoying each other’s company.  I realized how much I enjoyed that weekend together after getting past my disappointment of what might have been.

Seriously, Your Foot Hurts? – I’ve been teaching an accounting class at Georgia Gwinnett College for seven years, this will be my last year.  I’m really going to miss it, and the biggest reason why is that my students give me the best perspective on life sometimes, without even knowing it.

Recently I was getting ready to do a tutoring session on a Saturday, and the fire alarm was going off in the building, so we couldn’t go in.  I happened to be standing in the parking lot with one of my students, Myral Hicks, and we were just talking about nothing in particular.  I mentioned that I had gone for a run that morning, and my one foot has been bothering me lately.  Myral proceeded to say, “I really miss running, I used to do it a lot.  Then the one time, I was jumping out of a helicopter in the Army, and I broke both knees and hurt my back.  I can’t run anymore.”  Myral proceeded to tell me about the number of bones that he has broken in his body over the course of his Army career.  At one point, he made a comment about living a “hard life” when he was young.  I immediately thought of the hard life I led, drinking and carousing, but he proceeded to talk about sleeping on the ground in the desert and how the cold, hard ground had really affected his back. 

When I got home, I told Laurel the story, and I said, “I’m never going to complain about any ache or pain ever again.”

A Bad Break? - About a month ago, my Mom traveled from her home in North Carolina to Pittsburgh to see her sister, Aunt Mille.  On the first day there, she broke her hip.  She had surgery, and she just got released from the hospital a couple weeks ago.  She stayed at my Aunt Millie’s house until my brother Jim brought her home a couple weeks ago.  Obviously, breaking a hip is never good, especially when you are older.  Having said that, in some ways, this has been a blessing in disguise.  Her two living sisters and brother all live in that area.  She has had the chance to spend a great deal of time with them while she has been in the hospital.  She also got to celebrate her 88^th birthday with her twin brother, Uncle Bob, while she was there. 

The reality is that when you’re in your 80’s, time is short, and it’s not so easy to get together, you are dependent on other people and circumstances.  My Mom lives in North Carolina while they all live in Pennsylvania.  If it wouldn’t have been for the fall, she wouldn’t have had so much time with them all, and she wouldn’t have had the chance to celebrate her birthday with her twin brother.  I really don’t know the last time they were able to do that, and I’m sure it was really special for them.

Late Night Phone Calls - The one night, somewhere around midnight, we got a call from our son, Patrick, from up in Providence.  He was completely irrational, crying uncontrollably, talking gibberish, making no sense at all.  As each of us talked to him and tried to gain some understanding and tried to calm him down, Laurel finally asked the important question.  Are you still taking your medicine?  Apparently he had quit taking it a few days ago, and I guess, this was the outcome.  I’m not sure if you have been down the road of trying to talk rationally to a completely irrational person, but it’s not easy.  The common mantra was he’s a terrible person, he doesn’t deserve to live, and he just wants the pain to go away.

As I sat there, trying to wake up, get my senses, figure out how to rationalize with him, it hit me, as it has before, this is probably going to be our reality for as long as he lives.  He will go along, seeming to be fine, and then there will be something, that sets him over the edge, and we will be back in crisis mode again.  The key though is as long as he is alive.  I watched what it did to my parents when my brother committed suicide, and they were never the same again.  I will gladly take nights like that over the alternative.  We will continue to have to talk him off of the proverbial ledge probably over and over again.

We all have our own stories like this.  Life is full of tragedies and mini-tragedies interspersed between our day to day activities at work, dealing with our families, our children, all of the responsibilities we have.  It isn’t easy to see the bright side of the setbacks we face, but they are there usually, you just have to look for them.  Some, of course, are easier than others.  As we approach another holiday season, another Christmas, let’s try to remember, we’re all in this together.  It’s a journey, and we need to support each other on that journey.