Playing Church

“You must resist with all your might the temptation to play ‘church’ while the world bleeds”

Recently our pastor Chris Henry used this quote from Dr. Peter Storey, a former United Methodist Bishop in South Africa, for a sermon discussing the need to connect Sunday, and our faith, to the real world.

I think we all experience our “bleeding moments” each and every day, but let me share a few with you, on one of my favorite (or least favorite) topics, homelessness.

 A few weeks ago, I flew back from a business trip to Dallas.  Our daughter Megan and son-in-law Thomas (along with their dog and cat) had just left after a week with us escaping the hurricane in Florida, I wanted to “treat” Laurel, so I stopped at Publix on the way home, bought a steak, bought some wine, bought some ice cream and some flowers.  As I walked out of the store, full of excitement to surprise Laurel, there was a Hispanic couple with two children with a sign that said, “Homeless with two children, please help”.  As I stood there with all of my expensive goodies, I couldn’t help but feel guilty, and I reached into my pocket and gave them the five dollars I had.  Really, not a lot considering everything, but it’s what I had at the moment.

A few days later, Laurel and I were in a different Publix, just picking up some dinner, and we were approached by a women in the store, asking for help.  She said she was a victim of abuse, she had just moved to an apartment with her children, and she just needed help buying some groceries and toiletries.  She apparently had been approaching various people in the store.  I told her I’d have to think about it, and I decided not to help in this case.  I have to tell you, that decision gnawed at me for several days.  I didn’t know what to do, and I chose to do nothing, and in this case, I just don’t believe it was the right decision.  But what to do?  It reminds me of one of my favorite sermons from Dr. Tom Long, “Be Kind, Be Kind, Be Kind”.  Dr. Long paints a picture of himself giving his spare change to a homeless man and feeling good about his generosity.  The feeling begins to wear away as he sees the line forming with many hands held out for an offering. 

Unfortunately, that line continues to grow longer.  The gap is widening, and there are more and more people suffering from homelessness and the inability to make it on a daily basis.  As I painfully surveyed my response to these two snapshots of life, I decided to reach out to a cross-section of friends and colleagues to see how they respond in these situations.  The response was overwhelming, and gave me some fresh perspective, and some validation, for what I believe on the proper response to this topic. 

In most cases, people believe that the vast majority of those asking for handouts are “scammers”.  They have a set story, and they make a living preying on those of us who fall for a good, sad story.  The consensus was, don’t give money.  With the drug epidemic and alcohol problem in this country, giving money will most likely go to some form of addiction.  If you feel the need to give anything, give food, take them in and buy food for them, or whatever the issue is, buy it for them rather than giving cash.  The general feeling was that if the person is truly in need, they will be happy with whatever you are able to provide, but a scammer will only want money.

I had a few, and to be honest, mostly clergy, who really focused on the bigger picture.  By giving out money or food to individuals on the streets, you aren’t doing a thing to help or solve this dilemma.  In fact, it may exacerbate the problem for that person.  If that person can continue to get by through hand-outs and help from some of us who try to care, they may not seek the ultimate help they need to end the cycle they are in.  As one person put it:

“All we can do is ultimately follow the Holy Spirit and within each situation ask the questions:

1.    How do I honor the dignity of this person?

2.    Am I willing to walk the messy road of a long-term relationship with them?

3.    What is God trying to do in them and me through the pain of this situation?”

Finally, probably my favorite response broke us down into three categories when dealing with homeless people:

• Biblical Literalists - There are those of us who follow the teachings of Jesus, and we give freely without question.
• Sitting at the Right Hand of Judgment - There are those of us who assess whether the person truly needs what they are asking for and if the story is real.
• Tough Realists - There are those of us who believe the only way to deal with this situation is through giving to institutions rather than individuals.

 As I survey the many, and varied, responses I received, the wonderful thread woven throughout is that people care.  Each person had a slightly different response, but it was obvious, it is on our minds.  We don’t take this situation lightly, and we don’t have any easy answers.  I was really overwhelmed by how thoughtfully each person responded to this difficult situation.

Where do I fall in all of this?  For the most part, I’m a Tough Realist.  But let me take this categorization a step further, at least in my mind.  Unless you are truly a Biblical Literalist, and truly want to follow and honor Jesus, I think this is the easy way out.  When I give to someone on the street or at the grocery store, I do it because of the immense guilt I feel inside.  It helps to at least take some of that guilt away, so it’s more about making myself feel good.  I believe we need to feel the pain these people are feeling.  I believe we need to look them in the eye, tell them I am sorry that I can’t help you, but I’ll be thinking about you and praying for you.  We need to listen to what they have to say.  We need to etch their faces into our brains.  We need to hurt, we need to hurt that small percentage that they hurt.  Until we see these people, look at these people, feel their pain, it’s just too easy for us, and we’ll continue to do nothing, because we satisfy that need we have by giving them a sandwich, a dollar, a quick “I’m praying for you” before we can get the hell away from them and onto our lives.

The other night, we were visiting Patrick up in Providence, Rhode Island, and we went out to dinner.  As we were walking along the Providence River, Patrick saw a homeless man sitting under an overpass.  As we were leaving, Patrick asked if he could go back to see what he could do for the man.  Laurel and I stayed, and watched from a distance the interaction between Patrick and the homeless man.  At one point, they were both laughing hysterically.  I saw Patrick reach into his pocket, take out some money to give to him, and he gave the man the leftover food we had from our meal. 

Once we got back to the car, we asked Patrick about the laughing.  He said, “I asked him if there was anything I could give him.  He started laughing and said ‘$4,000!’.  He then asked if I could spare a dollar.  I gave him $2.”

After this encounter, Patrick was clearly agitated.  We got back to his apartment, and he didn’t say anything for the longest time.  Then he went on a rant about our society, our government, our lack of caring for those amongst of us that are the least, the fact that we aren’t willing to deal with those less fortunate than us.

I thought back to when Patrick was in high school.  He played Don Quixote in the musical, “Man of La Mancha”.  And I thought, Patrick is still chasing and fighting his windmills.  Patrick sees and feels the pain every time he sees someone sitting underneath an overpass.  To be honest, I’m really glad he does.  I firmly believe, Patrick will be a Biblical Literalist, and I’m fine with that.  I’m not sure if Patrick made any lasting impression on that homeless man, but he did make a lasting impression on me.  While there are many times in my life I worry that I’m “playing church while the world bleeds”, I have very little worries that Patrick is doing the same. 

So what about you?  What category do you fall into?  Biblical Literalist?  Sitting at the Right Hand of Judgment?  Tough Realist?  Or something completely different?  It’s not going to get any easier, that’s for sure.

I'd Still Vote for a Pile of Snickers' Poop

As a backdrop for the title of my post, way back when the Republicans had 15 or so Presidential candidates, I indicated that if the current president somehow emerged as the Republican nominee, I would not only vote for Hillary Clinton, I would vote for Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Mister Ed, Howdy Doody, or even a pile of Snickers’ poop from the backyard before I’d vote for the current president.  Sadly, since then, we had to put Snickers down, and even more sadly since then, America elected the current president.

Being a life-long Republican, some of my fellow Republicans had similar issues with the current president, so they could understand, while others, they couldn’t understand then and they still don’t understand, how could I betray the party?  How could I say I’d vote for the much-hated Hillary Clinton over anybody?  Hard to believe I’m saying it, but I did vote for Mrs. Clinton.  For the first time in my life, after 36 years of voting, I voted for a Democrat for President. 

I got it, and I still get it.  I have always disliked Mrs. Clinton, even more than her husband Bill, ever since they emerged on the political scene way back in the early 90’s.  I believe she is dishonest, unlikable, and I still believe she was complicit in the Whitewater scandal.  Still, I found her to be a much better candidate for president than the current president.  She was smart, she understood politics, and she had a plan.

What I find interesting or amusing is that some of my dear Republican friends are upset or offended that I won’t support or accept the current president as my president.  I must admit that the only other time I have taken this approach was when Bill Clinton was president, again, I truly believed he was involved in the Whitewater scandal, and I didn’t trust his integrity or ethics.  In the case of the current president, I find him too offensive, too unqualified, and too divisive to accept or support.

My question for those of my friends who are upset or offended are:

Should I support him simply because he occupies the office of President of the United States?  Do you mean the way you supported President Obama over the last eight years? 

Should I support him because nothing will happen in this country over the next four years, or God forbid, eight years, if we don’t support him?  Do you mean the way you tried to help President Obama with his agenda over the last eight years?

Should I support him because he’s a Republican, and he can push the Republican agenda?  Do you mean that the Republican agenda is more important than the American agenda? 

Should I support him because that is the patriotic thing to do? Again, I’d go back to the way you supported President Obama over the last eight years, were you patriotic if that is the case?

To be honest, I don’t get it.  I would be happy to understand why it’s so important for me to embrace this president.  Guys, I’ve been there.  I’ve sat around bashing the Democrats, laughing at their ridiculous agendas, amazed that the two best candidates they could come up with were Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders, ridiculing them for fixing their own primary, hoping that Nancy Pelosi is forever in charge.    I bashed Bill Clinton to death, I had an irrational hatred (I really don’t like that word, but really, it’s the best way I can describe how I felt) for Mr. Clinton.  I’ve heard the way you talked about Barack Obama.  Help me understand!

It’s funny, I just saw a survey of Republicans that essentially said it’s unpatriotic to criticize the current president to foreigners, but a similar poll four years ago of Republicans said it was unpatriotic not to criticize President Obama to foreigners.  Have we grown this divided, have we gotten to the point where logic and rational thinking don’t matter, it purely comes down to which side of the political aisle you are on, and by God, you better never cross the aisle?

If you’ll remember several months ago, many Republicans lauded Ted Cruz when he flip-flopped on his vow to never support the current president.  If you’ll also remember, the current president had some very harsh words for Ted Cruz’ wife and his late father.  I’m sorry, if you criticize my wife or my late father, I don’t care how big you are, or how big of an ass-kicking I may get, we’re going to take it outside to settle the issue.  After that, our relationship is ended, my wife and my father’s legacy are too vital to me.  I was never a fan of Ted Cruz, but for him, or any of the others who have flip-flopped, I hold you in very low respect.  If you have values or integrity, you hold to that no matter what.  Thankfully at least a few Republicans, like John McCain and John Kasich, do have some morals and integrity left, most have checked them at the door.

As I noted earlier, I find so many issues with the current president, but the biggest issue I have when I view him is he is not a leader.  Now, I could find various books about leadership, and recite for you the traits of a leader, but as I think back over my 35+ year career, I’ve worked for some great leaders.  I’ll mention just a few from the past (it wouldn’t be fair to mention anyone from the present) for those of you who remember, but think back to Ray Stickel, Tom Mann,  or Kent Spille from Touche Ross or Jim Crane or Al Herman from Barco.  If I think about those individuals, what comes to mind are:

•          Integrity
•          Honesty
•          Intelligence
•          Character
•          Compassion
•          Work Ethic

Besides that, what I remember most about these individuals was they gave credit to their people when things went well, and they absorbed the blame when things didn’t go so well.  They stood up for their beliefs, they stood up for their people, and they gave us a vision when things were going well and when they weren’t going well.  They could communicate clearly and intelligently, some weren’t always eloquent speakers, but they still could string together intelligent thoughts in front of an audience.

Sadly, I find none of these leadership qualities in the current president. 

Finally, what I find the most troubling is the flock of “religious right” who have backed the current president.  Christian “leaders” such as Franklin Graham and Jerry Falwell, Jr. have come to his support and defended the various transgressions he’s committed.  I would never question whether a person was a Christian or not, that’s not my place.  But please don’t tell me that the current president is acting in the name of Christianity.  There is nothing Christian about what he says or does.  If you are swayed solely by the abortion issue, I would ask you if you also believe in taking care of those children once they are born, and also if you are willing to accept refugees from other countries to allow them to live.  I’m just thankful that most true religious leaders have not sold out like Mr. Graham and Mr. Falwell.

Is everything lost, am I just preaching gloom and doom for our country?  No, not really, but I do believe that indirectly the current president will “make America great again”.  I believe that we will continue to decline.  While our history, economy and military might still provide a great deal of influence in the free world, other countries, with much stronger and better leaders, will continue to grow and emerge.  We will continue to decline under his leadership, or lack thereof.  He has absolutely no clue what he is doing, he is too lazy and not bright enough to try to figure out how to be president, and he has appointed a cast of stooges to help run our country.  While I believe James Mattis, H.R. McMaster and Rex Tillerson have been reasonably good choices for the administration, we have a whole slew of sorely unqualified people like Betsy Devos, Jeff Sessions, Rick Perry and Ben Carson, along with the family and friends – Jared Kushner, Ivanka Trump and Steve Bannon, trying to run this country.  We have a dearth of leadership in this country currently, starting at the top, and it seems, no one is willing or able to step up.

Once we have declined enough, and we realize we are not great, or even good anymore, we will realize we have to rebuild.  We will realize that even though we have two parties, or maybe more, we still have to come together and cooperate for the greater good of the country.  We will work together for a common good rather than what is simply good for “my side of the aisle”.  We will remember what made America great was our compassion for others, and our willingness to work for the greater good rather than our own personal benefits. 

Not sure if any of my dear Republican friends are there yet, so I’ll at least try to invoke the name of one of our greatest, Ronald Reagan.  As the stories go, and they may just be stories, but when the Republicans and Democrats couldn’t agree, and they violently disagreed in the public, President Reagan would quietly meet with Tip O’Neil, a Democrat, and Speaker of the House of Representatives.  Over some drinks at the White House, they would discuss what needed to be done for the good of the country, not for the good of each party.  They would quietly agree to something that would be in the best interest of our country.  No idea if this is all fact or fiction, but it seemed to work so much better than the insanity that we face now.

I’m sorry guys.  I vow to vote straight party Democrat until your president is out of office to do everything possible to block his agenda.  I cannot and I will not support this president.

 Not my president.  Never my president.

We Need to Pray More?

I’ve often held the belief that a great deal of problems in life can be solved with math.  Simple math.  Whether it’s at work, when I’m teaching, in various walks of life, if you “do the math” you can determine if whatever you are trying to achieve is feasible or not. 

Let’s take a couple quick and simple examples.  We’ll be talking at work about our sales goals, and someone will say, “I think we can reach X in sales this year”.  Really?  If you do the math, and you see where we are at the moment, and where you believe we can be, it just doesn’t work.  You just can’t get there from here.

I’ll have students who will say, “I really need to get a B in this class, what do I need to get on the final for a B?”  If you take what you’ve achieved so far on the tests, homework, quizzes, you are at X%.  To get a B in the class, you need a 130 on the final, and since there are only 100 possible points, that ship has sailed.  You can’t get there from here.  I do explain it much nicer than this.

A few years ago, I agreed to serve on the Board of Trustees for United Theological Seminary in Dayton, Ohio.  It’s a long story, but I was asked to serve because of my financial expertise.  I knew going in that UTS had some financial issues, but I never imagined how problematic they were at the time.  When I first started on the board, the financials were bad.  As time wore on over the first couple of years, the financials got worse. 

Throughout my career, I’ve endured and worked through various financial situations, and I’ve seen and experienced a great deal of financial difficulties.  I had never seen anything like this.  While I’m often calm, and I hope a voice of reason, I finally couldn’t take it anymore, and I gave one of my most memorable and impassioned speeches.  To paraphrase, I said, “I’ve never seen financial statements this bad in over 30 years in business.  As far as I can tell, we’re going to run out of cash.  I don’t know what to do if we run out of cash, does anyone else know?  We can’t keep going like this, we have to do something differently.”

What greeted me was not what I had anticipated.  As we discussed our financial crisis, as we tried to determine what to do, the overriding comments, recommendations or admonishments from people such as Bishop Gregory Palmer, Dr. Robert Scott and Dr. Charles Booth were along the lines of

“We just need to pray more”

“What I’ve not seen or heard enough of lately is prayer”

“We need to pray about this”

And so on.  You have to understand that these gentlemen are incredible orators, and they can take over a meeting, a room, any event with their eloquence and deep convictions.  While I’m always deeply impressed by anything that they have to say, they are incredible men of God, I was still perplexed on how prayer was going to dig us out of the deep hole we were in.  We need to pray more?  Seriously?

When President Kent Millard came on board at UTS, he had a similar mantra.  He evoked the need for prayer, for God to help us out of the situation we were in, and to provide a miracle.  As time went on, I became more discouraged as I really felt the math just didn’t work.  Prayer was great, but if you do the math, we can’t get there from here. 

It’s amazing how wrong I could be.

As the months went by, the money started pouring in.  Kent and Callie Picardo, our Vice President for Development, would both say, “We just hold out our arms, and God pours down the donations to us.”  Over the last year, UTS has gone through an unbelievable turnaround, I would have never imagined it was possible, but somehow it happened.  If you look at the numbers, if you do the math, it really wasn’t feasible to make this kind of turnaround.  The only plausible answer was that what we did need was more prayer and a miracle from God, and it happened.

Now, it wouldn’t be fair to stop right there.  While the overriding story to all of this was that prayer and God can overcome a lot, it also took a great deal of hard work and sacrifice.  What I learned over time is that Kent Millard has a saying, which I know I’ll butcher, but it goes something like, “Trust God as if it will all come from Him, but work as if it is all coming from you.”  The Administration, the Staff, the Faculty and even the Trustees made significant sacrifices and worked extremely hard to turn UTS around.  While Kent and Callie would say that God just pours down the money, a tremendous effort went into bringing in those donations.  And of course we can’t forget the dedicated donors that UTS has, they continue to go above and beyond to keep the seminary flourishing.  Again, if it weren’t for God, this doesn’t happen, but also if it weren’t for all of the hard work and sacrifices, it also wouldn’t have happened.

As I’ve contemplated this last year or so, I’ve come to a few conclusions.  They are:

God is even more powerful than math.  Yes, I’m joking, although I’m pretty sure God is more powerful than math.  Even when things look hopeless, even when the math won’t work, God may have other plans.

People actually believe in the power of prayer.  Before you judge me, I do believe in the power of prayer.  I do pray, I believe that God listens to prayers, I believe sometimes God answers prayers, and I believe sometimes the answer God gives is not the answer we hoped for or anticipated, but God is God, and He has a better idea of what we need than we do. 

Now, having said that, these people truly believe in the power of prayer.  I know I’m not making much of a distinction or really any distinction at all, but there is a fine line, or probably a football field between their faith and my faith.  It was a sobering moment for me, but a learning moment just the same.  I learned a lot about my faith, and their faith, and I learned that I sometimes have to defer my need for control and realize that ultimately the only one in control is God. 

As is usual, when you set out to help others, the one who benefits the most is you.  I’ve shared before my experience as a teacher at Georgia Gwinnett College.   I started teaching to give back to the community and try to help educate young accounting students.  What I found was that they taught me much more than I was able to teach them, and I gained much more than I gave. 

The same applies with UTS.  I came in to provide my financial expertise, and what I provided to UTS pales in comparison to what I received.  The people I’ve been blessed to be surrounded by at UTS have provided me so many valuable lessons on the love of God, the power of prayer, the strength of belief, and the confidence to rely on God rather than to rely on myself.  I’ve always been good at working like it all relies on me, but I have serious work to do on trusting that it will all come from God. 

While it’s painful, sometimes we need a reminder of where we are on our journey compared to where we want to be.  As I often say, I’m still a work in progress, and I will be until the day I die.  Thanks be to God for giving me the opportunity to keep on growing.

Coming to America

A Clearing Season - Easter Sunday

To be honest, there really isn't much else that needs to be said.  Our whole purpose, our whole lives center on this one truth.  He is risen!  He is risen indeed!

As we move from the gut-wrenching week of Holy Week, from the celebration and excitement of Palm Sunday, to the betrayal and denial of Maundy Thursday, to the ultimate suffering of Good Friday, we know that in the end, the love of Jesus Christ can conquer anything.  So little matters in our ordinary lives, the only thing that matters is the cross, the empty tomb and the promise of Easter.

I really have very little to say, I've said enough over the last six weeks.  I know I have a lot to work on, but as I've noted, I'm still a work in progress, and God isn't finished with me yet.  I know I struggle with those that are on the periphery, those who need me to see them as the beautiful children of God that they are, and I need to work on that.  I know I have to use the ultimate prayer more often, "Thy will be done", and I plan to work on that too.

This Lenten Journey has been painful, it has led to a great deal of self-examination, and I've seen a great deal of the flaws that dominate my life.  But I've also been able to see and accept that I have some positive traits that I bring to the relationships in my life.  The greatest thing that this Lenten Journey has provided me is that there have been some who have traveled with me the entire way, and I appreciate that.  And I also have some who have jumped in at various points, and I appreciate that too.  As I like to say, if I can reach at least one or two people through my blog posts, I view it as a success.

I put "Sandy's Benediction" as my wallpaper on my computer for my Lenten Journey, and I think I'll keep it for a while as I move on for the rest of the journey.  To close, here are those words that I'll do my best to live by:

A Clearing Season - Consecration

“If we want to know what salvation and life truly meant to Jesus, and therefore what they must mean for us, we will have to go all the way to a hill called Calvary.  We will have to stand in the shadow of the cross.  Only there will we encounter the sacred in its most painful and powerful reality.  Only there will we discover the deepest meaning of this clearing season.”

Houston to Atlanta.  The long six weeks of traveling every single week in North America and South America is finally over.  I’m home.

As I thought about writing my sixth and final installment of my Lenten Journey, I realized I was completely empty.  I was tapped out.   After five weeks of committing to writing about my Lenten Journey each week, I had emptied my heart and my soul, and I had nothing left to give.

I also had driven myself into a deep state of depression.  For me, it wasn’t entirely unexpected.  As I wrote about last September in my blog post “I Feel Like I’m Dying Alive”, depression is a devastating disease for so many.  When I wrote my blog post, I described my brother Bill, and I described my son Patrick, but I was also describing me.  The good news for me is that I know myself, I recognize when I’m in such a state, and in my own way, can deal with it and fight through it.  While many would and do ask the question, “how can you possibly be depressed?”,  read my post from last September, yes, it makes no sense, but that is the reality of depression.

The truly good news in all of this is that through my emptiness, I was ready to be filled again.  I also had heightened senses to experience some incredible moments through our church services, adult education and the reading this week.  My challenge is to try to put it all together in a cohesive message that captures the beauty of Palm Sunday and the days leading up to the Crucifixion.  Where to start?

Let’s start with the church service.  I’ve always said my favorite service of the year is Maundy Thursday, but I’d probably have to say Palm Sunday is also near the top.  I love the celebration, the children singing, entering the church waving palm branches.  It’s exciting, but nonetheless, you know what’s coming, so it’s bittersweet.  That is the “profound mystery of Holy Week”. 

The sermon was incredible, but our Senior Pastor Chris Henry never disappoints.  The quote above comes from the sermon, and quite honestly, there were so many quotable moments in the sermon.  If you read my blog post from last week, you know that I’m “challenged” by poverty, by being in the midst of the slums.  My level of guilt gets the best of me, and I get far outside my comfort zone, and struggle to just breathe.  As Chris noted in his sermon:

“We’re going to need to pay attention for the presence of God in unexpected places.  Those on the periphery.  The outcast and the refugee.  The addicted and the down-and-out.  The fearful and the mourning.  The people we most want to ignore.  If the kingdom of God is to be found anywhere among us, this is where to look … in the forgotten and difficult and challenging places.”

As I have shared before, I strongly believe I was in the presence of God once through the eyes of a lonely, old man that I couldn’t give the time of day.  The pain that I experienced from this encounter has never subsided, I recognize I have a lot of work to do.  I’m not good with those who are on the periphery.  I need to pay attention to the presence of God where I least expect it.  I need to see and experience it on the streets of Providence, the streets of Houston, any city I frequent, no matter how difficult that is for me.  That is my reality.  I need to change.  As Dave Carr says so eloquently, “we need to walk our faith”.

Adult education was another amazing experience.  This week we discussed death, and so many people had such beautiful stories to tell about people close to them dying.  I was awestruck as I sat there listening to so many personal and beautiful stories about people losing close relatives and the experience they went through.  There was a constant theme woven throughout of basic principles in life of “love is all that matters”, “living life to the fullest”, “doing everything to love God and to love our neighbor until your last breath”, and finally, and I loved this one, “death ends a life, not a relationship”.  Since our theme is Celtic spirituality, we focused on the mystery of death and the fact that we need to trust in God in both joy and sorrow.

We also discussed the struggles we have with death, particularly untimely death.  It is much easier to celebrate the life of a person who has lived a full life than it is to celebrate the life of someone who has died tragically, or has died very young.  In these cases, we tend to mourn more than we celebrate.  It brought me back to so many years ago, when my brother Bill committed suicide.  It’s not easy to celebrate a life when the life was ended in such a way.  I still remember at the time, Laurel’s sister Kathy was dying from cancer, and my Mom said the day after Billy’s funeral, “It’s so sad, she wants to live so badly, and can’t, and he had a life, but didn’t want to live it.”  This life experience has given me a passion to never have to experience suicide within the family again. 

The Maundy Thursday service was a very different one for me, but it was such a special night.  Our church had separate services in people’s homes, and we had the opportunity to worship with several Shallowford families at Davis and Kay Stewart’s house.  We congregated, we shared, we got to know many people we hadn’t had the opportunity to meet before, and we ate (a lot!).  Then we celebrated the Last Supper in an intimate setting, as we prepare for the crucifixion that lies ahead.

Finally, Holy Week isn't complete without Good Friday.  We went to the chapel at Shallowford at noon, and experienced the emotionally-draining story of Jesus' betrayal and death.  It is such a moving passage in the Bible, and it is so painful, but necessary, to read and immerse yourself in.  

As I reflect on this week, I have to also share some of the reading from “A Clearing Season” and what hit home for me.  The first one is easy, the reading proposes that “we endure Lent’s process of subtraction because it opens us wider; the process of subtraction brings us closer to God, where true life is to be found” and “…trusting beyond reason, beyond our senses, that God is working powerfully in and through us”.  As best I can, I’m trying to endure the Lenten process, or more appropriately, embrace the Lenten process.

But what really hit me from the reading was the central theme of what is wrong with me and what needs to change.  Thy will be done.  As I’ve shared before, when Patrick hit his low point, and we were right there with him, I’d go for my runs in the morning, and I’d pray and cry and plead with God, “please help him, please take his pain away, please save him.”  I was never, ever able to bring myself to the ultimate prayer, the most important prayer, “thy will be done”.  As the reading this week so beautifully notes, “Thy will be done.  In relation to our ordinary, workaday lives, these may be the most revolutionary words we will ever say…  The prospect of relinquishing our lives to God’s will can be terrifying, as it may have been at first for Jesus on that night of prayer in the garden.  But this fear comprises part of a holy moment; it is endured and transcended so that God’s will may be done.”

As if I needed further reminder, but then again, I’m sure God knows my head is stuffed with fluff, and I am stubborn, I received the notice of the Maundy Thursday service at United Theological Seminary.  President Kent Millard would be preaching on “Thy Will Be Done”.  But, of course.

As we discussed in Adult Education, as humans, we want to believe we are in control, and I suffer more than most with this.  Death is the ultimate sign, we aren’t in control.  While I may believe that the reason I’m able to fight through and overcome my times of depression is all about me, I’m pretty certain, it’s all about Him.  And I need to let go and understand, Patrick’s fight through this is also all about Him.  Providence.  As I’ve said it before, maybe this is where Patrick comes to find God again.  In the ghetto, in the slums, with those who are on the periphery, with the people we want to ignore.

Just a few more things and then I'm done.

Clinging Cross - I guess the excitement of Holy Week moved me, I gave out three Clinging Crosses this week.

Jeanne Thrift -  As I've said before, Jeanne is one of my dearest friends at WIKA.  She is an incredible person, and yes, she is very much a beautiful child of God.  Jeanne has been enduring a great deal for many years, but more so lately, with her daughter Holly's battle with Cystic Fibrosis.  I can't imagine enduring this battle from Holly's perspective, but also from the caregiver's perspective.  My heart breaks for them.

BJ Grooms - BJ works at WIKA, and recently returned from hip surgery.  BJ has an unbelievable smile, and an infectious laugh.  I so look forward to seeing him anytime I'm in town, he brightens my day.  He also knows sports better than most people, so I love to hear his thoughts and predictions on bowl games, the NCAA tournament, just about any sporting event.  BJ is simply full of life, and when he talks about sports, he just exudes life and excitement.

Jeff Poynter - Jeff is the Business Administrator at our former church, First United Methodist Church of Lawrenceville and also a dear friend.  Jeff and I became close when I served as the Chair of the Finance Committee at church.  I will always remember and continue to quote Jeff on what he said when his Mom died years ago.  He referred to it as "graduation day".  And really, that's what it is, isn't it?  We are constantly on a learning path, and we are never completely there, until we reach graduation day.  I miss worshiping with Jeff, but I will always appreciate his friendship and his leadership.

As I noted at the beginning, I love Palm Sunday.  A tradition of course is the great anthem, "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross".  Our choir did a beautiful job with it, and of course, left me in tears.  As a final thought for Holy Week, here is the last stanza:

"Were the whole realm of nature mine,

That were a present far too small,

Love so amazing, so divine,

Demands my soul, my life, my all."

A Clearing Season - Weathering Storms

  “The lesson, of course, is that our neighbor is not necessarily the one who looks like us.  Our neighbor may not belong to our community.  Our neighbor may be the person we have avoided or even despised, yet he or she may be the very one we will need for our survival.”

Atlanta to Providence, Rhode Island to Atlanta to Houston

How appropriate!  I mean the title of this week’s reading “Weathering Storms”.  We flew up to Providence to see Patrick this weekend.  The weekend started off great, we saw Jim Dyer, a close friend from Dayton at the Atlanta airport.  Jim was on his way to see his new grandson, and we got to spend some time together and catch up on each other’s lives.

We arrived in Providence to 37 degrees, torrential rain, and heavy winds.  We were definitely weathering storms.  It was awful weather for most of the weekend we were there.  But it isn’t just the weather, or wasn’t the weather, that created the storms for me.  I have to confess, this is very far outside my element.  As Laurel notes, she grew up in the city of Pittsburgh, so Providence doesn’t hold the same issues for her.  I grew up in the country, and have lived my life in the suburbs.  Plus, I’m the one who does all of the driving, and the Providence roads are painful enough, but with torrential rains, it creates a new level of difficulties.

I have a special trepidation for Patrick’s apartment and neighborhood.  Patrick lives in the ghetto, slums, low rent district, whatever definition you would give to an area such as this.  The building is run down, it smells, the carpet is soiled horribly, the walls are peeling, the railings are loose (do you get the picture yet?).  You constantly hear sirens as police or ambulances go to the next crisis. 

When we pulled up, I looked up to the porch, and Patrick was waiting there.  We got out of the car, and there was an African-American man yelling at someone in a car, something about a cell phone, and he had a pit bull with him, off its leash.  I quickly eyed Patrick and then eyed Laurel, and worried, is this pit bull going to attack one of them?  The man put the pit bull on its leash, and said, “Don’t worry about her, she’s friendly, she won’t hurt you.”  Patrick joked with him about what a good looking dog it was, and he said, “Want to buy her?”  This is how the weekend started.

We went to dinner that night at a pizza place a few blocks down, and as we walked there, in the rain, we passed a bickering African-American couple, not sure if they were homeless, they didn’t seem completely coherent or sane, but we quickly passed them by.  We went to the pizza place, and had an excellent meal.  That is the one thing I thought about as I sat there at dinner.  The people in the restaurant were incredibly friendly, and I guess that is my main point of all of this.  Not once, have I had a bad experience in Providence, or in Patrick’s neighborhood.  OK, the driving sucks, I’ve had some people with road rage issues toward me, but the people you meet are incredibly friendly, they are just nice, normal people, even if they don’t look like me, talk like me or act like me.  I just don’t feel comfortable there, and that is all on me, no one else.  I struggle in a climate of poverty, I feel guilty, I feel like an outsider, my heart aches the whole time I'm there.  As this week’s reading described, sometimes we take a step back in our spiritual journey, which is OK.  I definitely took a step back this weekend, I realized that I am not viewing everyone as my neighbor, and I need to work on that. 

Tuesday night was the awards ceremony at Georgia Gwinnett College where I received the School of Business Part time Teaching Award.  It was a wonderful ceremony where many students were recognized for their academic accomplishments.  As various students were recognized, some of whom were my former students, and you heard their stories, you heard stories of first generation college students, students who came from various countries, suffered many difficulties, but they were committed to succeeding.  As I scanned the great menagerie of races, ethnicity, and most likely, religions, I realized why I do what I do, or did what I did.  Laurel and I have talked, we were also first generation college students years ago, although we did have siblings who paved the path for us. 

While it would be a stretch to say these students were the ones I needed for my survival, I can say these students gave me life when I needed it.  Their energy, their commitment, their desire to learn, breathed life into me.  It’s hard to explain the satisfaction you can get from teaching, but I tried to do it in the biography that I wrote for my award:

“Seven years ago, Steve reached out to Dr. Tyler Yu about a part-time teaching position.   Since then he has taught various accounting classes each semester, and will be finally “retiring” from teaching this year.  While Steve has always had an appreciation for the work that teachers do, he learned that it takes a great deal of hard work, dedication, patience and creativity to be a teacher at the college level. 

Steve tries to bring his work experience with him to the classroom, to not only teach his students about accounting, but to also teach them about business through the use of real work examples.   Steve’s goal was to give back to students, and help them just like so many teachers have helped him through his education process, many years ago.  What Steve found was that he learned a great deal more from his students than he taught them.  These seven years have been incredibly rewarding, and he has so much appreciation for his students, and also Dr. Yu, Kathleen Pinson, Dr. Jim Weisel, and Dr. Janita Rawls for all of their help and support.”

This was such a bittersweet night for me.  With my job, with my travel schedule, I just can’t do it anymore.  To be honest, it’s also not fair to Laurel, as I often say, I’m off chasing and fighting windmills like Don Quixote, while she has to deal with the reality of our lives.  I just can’t do it anymore, but it hurts so bad to leave it.  I can’t believe what I received over the last seven years, it was so much more than I gave, and I’m so thankful for that.

Just a few more things and then I'm done.

Clinging Cross - To celebrate my seven years of teaching, I gave a Clinging Cross to Kathleen Pinson.  More than anyone, she has been the one to guide me, nurture me and train me to be a teacher. I never imagined when I first started seven years ago, how hard it is.  She was always there with advice and counseling.  Anytime I stopped by her office, no matter what she had going on, she would greet me with that smile and "Hello my friend!  Come on in!"  I could learn something from that.

Thank You? - At the beginning of the church service this week, our Senior Pastor, Chris Henry, thanked us all for being there.  It was spring break in the area, so various people were traveling, but Chris thanked those who were up all night with babies (like him), those who were older or tired, those who had ailments or illnesses, all of us, he thanked us for being there.  I sat there thinking about our choice, we took a 6 am flight out of Providence, so we could be at church.  I never thought twice about it (OK, I did think once about it), because it is Lent, and I wanted to be at church to hear the sermon, to experience the service, to be at Adult Education.  Our wanting to be at church had nothing to do with us, but it had everything to do with what we were getting from church.

Perfect Timing – Having said that about wanting to be at church, we had incredible timing on when we arrived.  Due to a flight delay, we got to Adult Education a bit late.  We arrived as this wonderful woman, Bette, was telling a story about playing her harp for people who are suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease.  I was mesmerized by the story.  She described how patients, who hadn’t shown any ability to recognize anything around them, would hear the music, would hear her playing hymns on the harp, and they would start humming, or whistling, along.  It was an amazing story to hear, and I was so thankful to get there just in time to hear it.

Later, Prue Swerlick, who is doing a wonderful job leading our class along with Kay Stewart, closed our class with “Be Thou My Vision”, as our closing prayer.  This has always been my favorite hymn, and I get teary-eyed every time I hear it.  Afterward, Jay Scott came up and talked about the Van Morrison version of “Be Thou My Vision” and playing it for his father’s funeral.  It took me back to many years ago, when I was lost and didn’t know if I’d ever find my way back.  I had left Laurel, I had left Megan and Kelly, and I was drifting, I was living at friend’s houses, sleeping in spare bedrooms, sleeping on the floor.  I had lost my way completely, and the one thing that kept me sane was listening to Van Morrison’s “Hymns to the Silence”.  I’d listen to it every night, and I’d listen to “Be Thou My Vison” every night.  Eventually, I came to my senses, I found my way back, and thankfully, Laurel didn’t give up on me.  It still amazes me how those little things, hearing those stories, sharing those stories in Adult Education, can tie it all together.

And so I look at this past week, and I realize, I did weather some storms.  I realize from my trip to Providence, I’m not who I want to be yet.  But I also realize, I’m not who I was either.  I can be so much more, but I am so much more than I was.  I’m still a work in progress, I have a long way to go, but God’s not finished with me yet.  And to close, stanza 3 from “Be Thou My Vision”:

“Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise

Thou mine inheritance, now and always

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart

High King of Heaven, my Treasures Thou art”

A Clearing Season - New Growth

“..the essence of gratitude is saying to God, surprise me… By such openness we say to God, whatever you give me, whatever surprise comes to me from you, I accept and welcome”

Atlanta to Harrisburg to Atlanta. 

This week brought a slight reprieve on the travel, just one short trip to Chambersburg, Pennsylvania.  The joy for me has been I’ve traveled the last week to Richmond, Indiana and Chambersburg with two colleagues from work, Brent Shadix and Jeanne Thrift.  I should also clarify that they are much more than colleagues, they are two very close friends.  As I’ve noted before in my blog posts, Brent is probably the best friend I’ve ever had at work, and also one of my greatest mentors.  Simply stated, he has made me a better person.  Jeanne is an incredible lady, I think the world of her, and she is a very dear friend.  Separate, they are great to be around, I really enjoy spending time with them.  Together, it is magical.  They have such a special friendship and relationship, I can just sit back and watch them interact, it is just so much fun.  While we worked hard this last week, I truly enjoyed the time we spent together.

The reading this week focused on new growth, and was probably the most enjoyable chapter for me.  There were so many nuggets of wisdom that I found myself wanting to highlight virtually the whole chapter.  I’ve listed the one quote above regarding surprise, which is often a hard thing for us to accept or want.  As I’ve noted, I tend to want to control everything, but I do have to say that I’ve had some great moments in my life due to surprise.  A couple that came to mind were:

The birth of our sons, Patrick and Sean - Some people know, Laurel and I weren’t exactly planning to have any more children.  The funny thing was that at one point early on, we were sitting in church, and there was a guest preacher.  He said in his sermon something along the lines of “the best things in life happen when you’ve made other plans”.  Laurel and I discussed it later, and both of us had the same exact thought that popped into our heads – we’re pregnant (of course, Laurel had a bit of a better idea than me!).  What made the pregnancy that much more special is that prior to it, we had been struggling in our marriage.  I wasn’t sure if we would really be able to make it, and the problem was squarely me, and not Laurel.  Somehow, the fact that she was pregnant seemed to be the impetus I needed to “grow up” and be a husband and father to Megan and Kelly, and now a new baby.

But again, God had other plans.  Just as we were adjusting to the fact that we were having a baby, Laurel started saying, “I think I’m having twins”.  I laughed, I said she was crazy, I dismissed the idea.  Soon, she had an ultrasound, and she called me at work.  I joked, “So, are you having twins?”.  She said yes, and we then had a back and forth conversation of me saying “You’re joking, seriously?” and Laurel confirming “yes, we’re having twins.”  After several iterations, Laurel said, “Do you want me to put the nurse on the phone?”  I confirmed I did, and the nurse said, “Well, you’re having twins, one’s definitely a boy, and I think the other one is too.”  I again went to my response to Laurel, “You’re joking, seriously?”, and she said “I would never joke about something like this.”  And the rest is history.

Leaving my job at Barco – What didn’t seem like a wonderful surprise at the time truly became one.  Again, God can surprise you, and you need to wait for the surprise to completely unfold.  When I worked at Barco, I used to say that I bleed Barco red.  I would travel continually, I would call co-workers from church, I completely gave up my parental responsibilities to work ridiculous hours.  I lived for Barco.  Then, after 13 years, Barco got a new CFO in Belgium, and he took an instant disliking to me.  I figured I could win him over, but there was no winning him over.  He was either going to figure out how to fire me, or make my life so miserable that I would resign.  I was devastated, but I left Barco and went to WIKA, where I’ve been for nine years now, and I love it even more than I did working at Barco.

But that’s not the full story.  As I said, I gave up my life, my faith, my family for Barco, and I don’t blame Barco, I was the problem.  When this happened, I finally figured out what the most important things in my life were, and I took back my family.  I unfortunately missed a lot of years that you can never get back, but I did learn before it was too late.  While I love working at WIKA, and I work hard, I will never put my job above my family again.  God gave me a wonderful surprise, I didn’t realize it at the time, but it turned out to make all the difference in the world.

While I had two major life-changing surprises as I noted above, I had two other great surprises just this past week:

Georgia Gwinnett College Part-time Teacher Award – I’ve been teaching in the evenings at Georgia Gwinnett College for seven years, and I’m retiring this year due to my travel schedule.  It’s been a very tough decision for me since I love teaching so much, and I love the students.  On Monday, I received an e-mail that I had received the Business Department’s Part-time Teacher Award.  Now, I’m not much for awards or accolades, I do what I do because I enjoy it, and I’m being perfectly honest, the opportunity to teach was award enough.  I will still say though that this e-mail made my day.  I really like and respect the people in the Business Department at GGC, and while I think the award is essentially just a “retirement gift”, I still deeply appreciate them thinking of me.

Barbara Riley from the Amanda Riley Foundation – I decided to give a Clinging Cross this week to Barbara Riley, Founder of the Amanda Riley Foundation.  I have so much admiration for Barbara and her family for what they do.  Seven years ago, she lost her daughter Amanda to childhood cancer.  While I can only imagine the pain of losing a child, and hope I never experience it, Barbara decided to dedicate herself to help other families that are going through a similar situation as she did by starting the Amanda Riley Foundation.  I hope Barbara doesn’t mind but I wanted to post a picture of Amanda for my blog post.  She was, and is, a beautiful child of God.

Yet again, God obviously had a hand in all of this, because it surely wasn’t me, but the timing worked out well.  A day or two after I gave Barbara the Clinging Cross, I got this e-mail back from her:

"I also want to thank you for the beautiful gift of the Clinging Cross.  What a thoughtful gift and much needed at this time of year.  This week and the coming weeks are always very difficult ones for us as each day represents a different anniversary of that horrible time in our lives.  Seven years ago yesterday was the last day Amanda was at home and seven years ago today we were told there was nothing more they could do.  So to say the timing of this gift could not have been better....but then God's timing is always right on.  Truly I do appreciate it and will treasure it forever."

So God, I'm ready, bring it on.  Surprise me.

Just a few more things and then I'm done.

Our Senior Pastor Chris Henry was back after taking some time off with his new baby and his family.  As usual, he didn’t disappoint.  The one part of his sermon gave me one of those light bulb moments, although it really shouldn’t be.  Maybe that’s why I always say my head is stuffed with fluff, the obvious just isn’t that obvious to me.  Anyway, when he talked about “A Clearing Season” and making space, he said:

“But making space for renewal of the soul is not like adding another item to the to-do list.  Caring for the soul is a gift we give ourselves, not an obligation we begrudgingly meet.  If we don’t make room to receive that spiritual gift, there will never be enough time in our crowded lives.  Like tidying up, making space for God is a choice and a commitment.  It involves setting priorities and holding ourselves accountable and sometimes, it means stretching ourselves beyond the comfortable.”

I had the hardest time not exclaiming “Wow!” or something like that when Chris said it in church, and I couldn’t wait for his sermon to be posted online to read it again.  Such powerful words.

As I noted, the reading this week had so many precious gems, but one of the sections discussed Vulnerability and the power that you can gain from vulnerability.  The passage cited various great examples, including Gandhi and Martin Luther King, but of course, it centered on the power through vulnerability of Jesus Christ and the Cross.  It said:

“Power is not what the world says it is, rather, we find power in the story of the Crucifixion.  We find power in a love that triumphs by passing through the vulnerability of death.  Each time that force seems to have defeated the vulnerable, resurrection is actually right around the corner.  Love returns to the world every time, with tender vulnerability so powerful it is unstoppable.”

Finally, some lyrics from my current “go to” song, “Heaven Knows” by Hillsong United:

"Hold my heart, don't let it break like fear

Sometimes a moment feels like a thousand years

God only knows why love is drenched in tears

Maybe that's what makes it love

Maybe that's what makes it love"

As I survey what God has presented to me this week, I have to say that I'm grateful for:

The love of a wife for a husband who didn't deserve it

The love of friendship

The love of teachers for their students

The love of a mother for her child

The love of a pastor for his church

The gift of God's surprises in my life

The love of a Father for all of us to sacrifice His only Son

A Clearing Season - Natural Rhythms

 “In the balance of law versus grace, what matters most is not our detailed, pious observance of the law but the heart with which we fulfill them.”

Houston to Atlanta to Houston to Atlanta to Richmond, IN to Atlanta. 

This week’s chapter centered on developing natural rhythms for our days to try to come up with practices that bring us closer to God in our Lenten Journey.   This will provide us with a new discipline foundation to build on.  I have attempted to develop my natural rhythm in the airplane and in my hotel room by focusing on “A Clearing Season” and focusing on my weekly blog about my Lenten Journey.

I must confess, this has been hard for me.  One of the difficulties for me has been committing to writing about my Lenten Journey each week.  I have had my blog for several years now, and my practice is fairly simple.  An idea for a blog post comes to me.  When I go on my morning runs, I “write” it in my head.  It usually takes a good month or two for me to write it, just like with my running, I’m slow.  Once I finally commit it to computer, it usually takes maybe an hour or two to finish it because it’s pretty much already written.  Since my practice is based on when something moves me rather than something under a constant rhythm, my writing over the last few weeks has presented a challenge for me, but a good challenge.  As Dave Carr would say, it has taken me from my comfort zone to a creative zone (but not a panic zone!). 

When I write, I largely do it for myself because I enjoy creating something since much of what I do every day is not creative (I’m probably being too harsh).  I really don’t focus too much on who reads it or doesn’t and as I often joke my readership consists of mainly two people, my Mom and Laurel.  Once in a while though, a blessing occurs, and just as my analogy about teaching goes, if you can reach one or two students a semester, I consider it a success.

In this case, I reached two very old friends (not in age) from my past, and it really made me feel good that two people who I had no idea read my blog, read it, and got something from it.  One was our first neighbor from when we bought our first house.  We “grew up” together as new parents many years ago, and it made me feel good to see she had read my blog and enjoyed it.  The other was an old friend from high school and college.  He reached out to me to express his gratitude for my post, and it was so nice to hear from an old friend from growing up.  I will have to say that this really made my week.  If one or even two people get something out of what I write over this Lenten Journey, I will consider it extremely successful, particularly since I am getting so much out of it.

The sermon this Sunday was based on Luke 12: 35-40 about being ready when God comes knocking at the door.  Bradley Kibler, Shallowford’s Director of Youth and Program Ministries, delivered the sermon, and it was incredible.  She was poignant, she was funny, she just delivered a great message, I was so impressed at how she tied it all together.  She maintained the theme of our Lenten Journey, and she focused on what can happen when we free up space and create room for growth.  When we free ourselves up, when we are ready for that knock, we are better able to become instruments of God in the world.  If we keep our eyes open, it’s amazing what we can see.  When we create space, we create better opportunities for surprise, for showing love and for creativity.  She even ripped a page out of her planner as a visual for us of not being bogged down in our daily schedules and plans, but maintaining the opportunity for greater connection with God through freeing up space.  While I had a strong feeling she really didn’t rip out a page of her planner, I still had a mild panic attack when she did this.

It reminded me of two powerful times in my life when God came knocking.  Once, I wasn’t ready, and I failed miserably, and once I was ready and made room, which made all the difference.

Several years ago, and I did write a blog post about it, I was sitting on a bench in front of a music store waiting for Patrick to finish his music lesson.  I was busy (crazy busy!) doing some work, and a gentleman, who I mistakenly thought was a street person sat down next to me and started talking to me.  I couldn’t give him the time of day, and I became angrier and angrier as time wore on and he wouldn’t shut up.  He began talking after a while about losing his wife a short time before, and how much he missed her.  He told me that this is probably why he talks so much to people, he’s just lonely because he misses her.  I stopped in my tracks at that point and realized how badly I had erred.  When I left, he looked me in the eyes, deep into my eyes, and I truly believe I was looking at the eyes of Jesus Christ.  And I realize how badly I failed.  To top it all off, it happened to be Easter Week.

The second time was several years ago also, and it was shortly after Patrick had come back from his second trip to a mental hospital.  Late at night, when we were almost ready to go to bed, Patrick came downstairs and said Allen Hoskyn (our Associate Pastor at the time) was coming over.  Laurel and I were shocked, we were tired, probably in our pajamas, definitely not ready for company.  But the doorbell rang, and there was Allen.  Patrick essentially invited Allen over to be the “mediator” between us.  It wasn’t that we weren’t getting along, it was that he had things he needed to tell us, and he needed that moral support to tell us.  I will never forget Allen’s willingness to pull himself away from his family late at night to play broker in our family.  It was helpful, we got a lot out on the table, and we had some honest conversations.  Allen was that welcome knock on the door many times in our trials with Patrick, and I will never forget him for that.

The other thing that jumped into my head listening to Bradley’s sermon was that we need to love others as the beautiful child of God that they are.  As I was flying this week, I asked the flight attendant for a coffee, and she brought it to me, but I had forgotten to ask for cream.  As she came back, and I apologized for my mistake, she started laughing, and I looked up, and I saw a beautiful child of God with a wonderful smile.  Delta gives its Medallion members these forms that you can give to a flight attendant or other employee, thanking them for whatever they may have done for you, and the Delta employee get 500 free miles.  I gave Latrice one of those forms, and wrote a note on it explaining why I gave it to her.  I simply wrote a few sentences about what a nice young lady she was and what a wonderful smile she had.  She was so appreciative, mainly for what I wrote,  and I thought to myself, how simple is it to make someone’s day?  Thank them, tell them they have a beautiful smile, be kind, it really doesn’t take much.  When we free up space, when we create room, we can show more love.  And we can tell them and remind them that they are a beautiful child of God.

Just a few more points, and I’m done:

We again had a wonderful Adult Education class about creating space, and in this case, hospitality.  I have to say, Shallowford is an amazing place for hospitality, and I can’t believe that we’ve been attending there for about a year, and people treat us like their best friends. 

Clinging Cross Ministry - This week’s Clinging Cross went to Bradley Kibler for pitching a shutout with her sermon.  For those who don’t know, I love baseball and I love pitching.  For me, a shutout is a masterpiece.  That’s what Bradley did.  I was so pumped up after hearing her sermon, it really inspired me.  She gave me the inspiration to create space, to love, to create, to encounter surprise this week.  Bradley also does something that I really can’t do, she serves the youth of the church.  Years ago, Laurel and I served as youth counselors at our church for one year.  At the end of one year, I told the pastor in charge of the ministry, “I know I have many gifts, but this isn’t one of them.”  I’m amazed at what Bradley is able to do, and many others are able to do, in working with youth.  It’s definitely not my calling.  It is Bradley's calling.  And, she is a beautiful child of God.

Last thing, in line with the natural rhythms.  As I was running this morning, the song “Break Every Chain” came on my Ipod.  If you don’t know this song, it’s very repetitive and very rhythmic.  As we enter another week of Lent, keep in mind that –

There’s a power in the name of Jesus

There’s a power in the name of Jesus

There’s a power in the name of Jesus

To break every chain, break every chain, break every chain

Hallelujah.

A Clearing Season - First Clearing

“Your Lenten discipline requires breaking your heart for God”

Atlanta to Sao Paulo, Brazil, Sao Paulo to Mexico City, Mexico City to Atlanta, Atlanta to Houston.

This past week and a half has been hectic, it was good to experience time in church on Sunday, excellent Adult Education class and then a great service and sermon.

As I sit in my hotel room in Houston, I reflect back to four years ago when our world fell apart.  As we adjusted to withdrawing Patrick from college due to his suicidal tendencies, as we checked him out of the first mental hospital, he revealed to us that he has been sexually abused by his music teacher. 

I remember that for at least 2-3 days, I had zero emotion, not a thing.  No nothing.  It was the strangest thing.  But then the one morning, as I was out for a run, the dam broke.  Tears, massive tears, anger, frustration, hate, embarrassment overwhelmed me.  I couldn’t control it anymore.  I was broken, and quite frankly, my brokenness was nothing compared to Patrick’s brokenness.  I still had my faith in God, I still relied on God to get through everything, but Patrick had lost his faith in God, he was angry and bitter toward God. 

I sit here now in tears, so many times, I end up in tears thinking about and remembering those days and the pain that Patrick has gone through, still goes through, and what we’ve been through.  We will never be the same, our lives are changed forever.  But I still believe, and I won’t change my belief, somehow, this will ultimately lead to something that will be to the glory of God.

While my week has been hectic and overwhelming at times, I continue to find blessings to help me see God’s work in my days.  Catherine Foster’s sermon Sunday was incredible, and she had one line at the end that really hit home, particularly thinking about what we had been through.  She said:

“So when the setbacks and storms of life come, and they will, don’t try to get out of the boat and walk on water. Stay in the boat, work with the brothers and sisters God has placed at your side, look for God IN the storm, and worship the Lord for his provision and grace.”

I remember when we were in our deepest, darkest moments, we had so many people from our church, from work, our family, that helped pull us through.  We had plenty of brothers and sisters in the boat with us, and they helped us through the storm.  And God was there, He was always there, suffering right along with us.  We couldn’t have made it through without God and without all of the people who helped us along the way.

I also had a major revelation this week (or actually, Laurel did).  We had an issue this week with Sean that came up, and my immediate reaction to Laurel was to vent and express that I would not do anything to help.  As I went out for my run, I was angry and frustrated with myself for my reaction.  But afterward, I said to Laurel that she needs to understand that sometimes I react, I vent, but ultimately, it’s just a reaction, and I need to get it out and then do what I need to do.  She said, “of course I know that.  You’d do anything for our kids, I know that, it doesn’t matter what it is, you’d do anything for them.”  

I may not be my Dad, I may not be the cheerleader that he was, but nothing will stop me from doing whatever it takes to help my children whenever they need anything.  She knew it, I probably knew it, I just need to understand myself as well as she understands me.

More blessings?  So many!  Just a few snippets of God’s providence:

• From Adult Education, a line from John O’Donohue’s “To Bless the Space Between Us”, this line, “Though suffering and chaos befall us, they can never quench that inner light of providence”.  Each week, I can’t believe how excited I get to go to Adult Education, it’s really a great group of people, and I gain so much insight from them.

• I downloaded a few songs from the soundtrack to “The Shack”, including “Stars” from Skillet and “Heaven Knows” from Hillsong United.  From ”Stars”, “If you can calm the raging sea, you can calm the storm in me” and from “Heaven Knows”, “Hold my heart, don’t let it bleed no more, sometimes forgiveness is like a man at war”.  Always great to have new music for my morning runs to get me ready to face a new day.

• Clinging Cross Ministry – I sent a Clinging Cross up to Callie Picardo, Vice President for Development at United Theological Seminary.  Callie is about to give birth to her first child, and she has helped to give me a great deal more faith in God’s provision and the power of prayer.  There’s a blog post coming on this, by the way, later on.  She is just an incredible young lady.

As I finish up this post, I reflect to my run this morning, and once more, “Keep Your Eyes on Me”:

“Keep your eyes on me

When you’re lost in the dark

Keep your eyes on me

When the light in your heart is

Too burned out to see

Keep your eyes on me”