Now, I wish I could say that always was the case for me, but
unfortunately it wasn’t. For several
years, I basically abdicated my responsibilities as a father, and left Laurel
to be a single Mom. Thankfully, it
became clear to me along the way that my priorities were completely wrong. I had put work ahead of my most important
job, being a father, and I realized the error of my ways. I became a father again.
As those sayings go, you can’t get that time back
again. I had given up many years of
being a father, and those years are gone.
One year, I remember missing every birthday since I was on the
road. I can’t change the past, I can’t
get all of those special events and moment back, I can only impact the present and the
future. While I missed a great deal of
those grade school and high school adventures, I can and will be there for
those early adult moments where a father is needed. As I’ve often said, I really found out how
smart my Dad was when I had to buy a car, buy a home, or deal with any of those
problems young adults have to deal with.
I’ve found in several cases, these problems can be very painful, and in
several cases, I don’t have an immediate answer or any answer. I’ve had to use the “I’ll have to sleep on
this one, and give you an answer in the morning” approach in a few cases.
So, as noted, let’s focus on the present and the future
instead of dwelling on the past. Through
some great work on Laurel’s part, and I hope some on my part, I am blessed with
four great children, and two fantastic son-in-law’s. To celebrate Father’s Day, I’d like to
celebrate what wonderful children I’ve been blessed with:
Before I start, let me say what so many of us say. Why are there no classes for this, why are
there no instruction manuals that come with children? We struggled mightily trying to raise
children, and we even went to a counselor to help us. The best advice she gave us was “keep them
alive until they’re 25!”. She was so
right, it was so difficult figuring out the answers, particularly with Megan
and Kelly since they were our first two, and they were girls (I always tell
people that if you’ve never raised girls, you really aren’t a true
parent). Anyway, here is my brief
celebration of my children.
Megan – Little
Miss Magic. She was our first, and your
first child is always so special. We
became very patriotic because of Megan.
Those were the days when the networks shut off at 2 am or so, and they
played the national anthem. Megan was
always awake until sometime in the middle of the night. I remember riding in the car with Megan,
playing music, and Megan got to know the words to Pete Townsend singing “I got
to stop drinking, I got to stop thinking, I got to stop smoking”. Megan also taught me to not worry so much
about life, when she said to me the one day as we sat on the front porch, “The
world really is a beautiful place, isn’t it Daddy?”
Megan gave us our first wedding when she married Thomas
McDonald five years ago. Just like your
first child, your first wedding is something incredible. That was probably one of the most nervous
moments in my life. It was also probably
one of the greatest moments of my entire life.
As I try to tell people, make the night go as slowly as possible,
because it is so special, but it will go so fast. Slow it down.
When Megan was a teenager, we always thought we would have
to worry about Megan all of our lives.
While I don’t want to say this badly, but we really don’t worry about
Megan at all anymore.
She has grown into
an unbelievable young lady, she is so bright and industrious, she takes care of
herself and her home very well, and she has a great husband in Thomas. We are so proud of the young lady that Megan
has become.
Kelly – Our
Little Angel from Heaven. After Megan,
and her love of late night TV, Kelly was such a blessing. In the evening, we’d ask Kelly if she was
ready for bed, she would run back to her crib, hold her arms up, and let us
lift her in, and she would go to sleep.
She was an ideal baby.
She grew into a lovable little girl. She had a way of winning over her teachers
with her huge smile and happy disposition.
She also had an unintentional sense of humor, wanting to be a “Toys-R-Us
Kid” when she grew up, and mastering Billy Ray Cyrus’ “Achy Breaky Heart”. We heard it a lot. Very loudly.
As she grew into a teenager, she loved sports, particularly college
basketball, and Duke basketball specifically.
Kelly got married last September to Clayton Crowe. Since I had the experience of Megan’s
wedding, I had a better idea of what to expect this time. I was much more prepared, I wasn’t as nervous,
and I even knew what my responsibilities were, such as giving a Father of the
Bride speech. Since this was going to be
the last time I’d give away a daughter, I relished the day and the moment.
Kelly can still win people over with that smile and
disposition. She has a very loving
personality and demeanor that takes her a long way.
Patrick – Baby A
(or B?). Patrick was supposed to be born
second, Sean was first in the birth canal.
But Patrick wedged his foot in front of Sean’s head, so they had to take
Patrick first, so he ended up being Baby A by a minute. He also ended up with a club foot because of
it. He went through many months of
casting and eventually an operation to repair his foot. His one foot will always be smaller than the
other, and his one leg will always be slightly smaller, but otherwise, Patrick
had a great recovery. I still believe
Patrick’s club foot made him more determined and driven to succeed,
particularly in sports.
When Patrick was little, he had quite a temper. Patrick, by far, ate more liquid soap than
any of our children. He had quite a “potty
mouth”. Patrick also had his moments
where his temper got the best of him.
One of the often-repeated stories is when Patrick threw Sean’s white
Power Ranger down the sewer. I think it
comes up most holidays.
As Patrick grew up, he discovered that he had a talent for
acting and singing. He played Don
Quixote in “Man of La Mancha” and plays the French Horn, piano and guitar as
well as singing. His voice is
incredible, especially when he sings Johnny Cash songs. I love to hear him sing “Folsom Prison Blues”
and “Ring of Fire”.
Patrick’s other talent is his writing ability and his
poetry. Patrick has two self-published
books of poetry, and he also has had poems appear in various college
publications. Patrick is now starting
his Master’s program at Rhode Island College.
I have no idea where this will lead him or where Patrick will end up,
but I’m sure somehow Patrick will be entertaining people with beautiful poetry
or music.
Sean – The baby
of the family (by a minute). Sean didn’t
have to go through the surgery like Patrick did, but he did have his share of
mishaps that landed him in the doctor’s office or emergency room. The most interesting was when he rolled off
the couch and ended up with a separated shoulder. He had to wear a sling and couldn’t use his
arm, which was right in the midst of when he was learning to crawl. It didn’t seem to slow him down at all, and
he would just crawl along with one arm, saying “Arm OK, arm OK”.
Early on, Sean was the peacemaker in the family. When the other kids (most often, Megan and
Patrick) were fighting Sean would say something like, “Can’t we all just get
along?” Most of the time, no. Sean also would do anything for Megan and
also demanded that we do the same. One
of the more famous situations or sayings that again comes up at all holiday
events is when Sean came into the family room and demanded, “Megan needs
scissors!”
As Sean grew, he also developed a great deal of talent and
interest in music. He plays guitar and
piano, and he also sings. For a while,
Sean had a band, Sageglen, that recorded some music and played at some
venues. Sean also got involved in
leading the music at church worship services, at church and at college.
Sean is headed into his second year at Florida State
University getting a Master’s Degree in Composition and Rhetoric. Sean eventually wants to teach in college, at
least at the moment. Sean is very
driven, in many cases, too much like me.
I often try to encourage him to slow down and enjoy life a little more
instead of driving himself so hard.
Hopefully he will learn this lesson better than me.
As noted, I probably didn’t have nearly as much to do with
this as Laurel, she did a fantastic job raising our children. As time has gone on, and after learning what
my most important job is, I’ve picked up the slack. Some last pieces of advice to some of the
fathers out there, particularly the newer ones:
- Don’t do as I did. As noted, I can’t get any of these memories back. The birthdays I missed, the school events, the time spent with our children, it’s all gone. I know most of us have to learn from their own experience, but trust me, you don’t want to learn this way.
- My Dad always said, “would you trade any of your children for $1m?” Of course not. He’d say, “you have $4m then”. I know it’s very simplistic, but our children are our most valuable asset. Also remember, each one has equal value. I know we always joke about who is Laurel’s favorite, but there is no favorite when it comes to your children. They are all your favorites.
- Learn to bite your tongue. There are times, your children will make mistakes. They know it as well as you do, and oftentimes, they are going to be harder on themselves than you are. Don’t point out their mistakes, it’s devastating to them. I’ve unfortunately learned this one the hard way also.
- Be always present. If you’re there, be there. Don’t be mentally still at the office, or on your computer or on your I-Phone, I-Pad, etc. When you are with your children, give them all of your attention.
- It’s a lifetime commitment. It’s starts when they come out screaming, it continues with the sleepless nights, you will be wiping up scraped knees and bloody lips when they learn to walk, you will deal with the trials and tribulations of grade school and high school, but you will still have to be there for broken hearts, car buying, house buying, and someday grandchildren. Your job will never end. But it’s so worth it.
