Sunday, September 7, 2014

This Isn't Walmart, This is a Church!

My wife Laurel has a story she tells that I just love.  It is about growing up in Beechview, a suburb of Pittsburgh, and working at Wendy’s when it first opened.  Yes, we are old.  In any event, when she started working there, the manager told them enthusiastically about Wendy’s, what Wendy’s was about, what their mission or strategy was.  They weren’t going to be just like the other fast food restaurants, they were going to focus on a few simple areas.  They would sell hamburgers, chili, French Fries and Frosty’s.  That was it, they would concentrate on their niche, and do it really well, and leave the variety to the other fast food restaurants.  If you wanted one of those four items, great, if not, that was OK, you could go somewhere else.

Of course, if you go into Wendy’s today, you can see that this philosophy has changed dramatically.  Gone are the days of only selling these four specialty products, now you can get virtually any food group at a Wendy’s, it has morphed into any other fast food restaurant. 

As the war wages on for customers and cash, virtually all companies are selling and providing whatever product and service they can provide to win business.  Starbucks is test marketing selling alcohol, movie theaters are serving meals and alcohol (I think I see a pattern here), and Walmart sells anything and everything to gain more revenue and market share. 

Laurel and I tried to think of companies who stick to what they are good at and don’t veer from that course.  We thought of Waffle House, which we thought was completely crazy, but think about it.  They have greasy eggs, greasy ham/sausage/bacon, greasy hash browns, and even greasy waffles, but that is the basics of their breakfast offering (you can tell I really like Waffle House).  Five Guys for the most part offers cheeseburgers and fries, and a few other minor options.  I’m sure there are some others but so many companies will do anything for a buck, they find their niche, they find what they are good at, but then they determine they need to offer more and more, sell more and more, to increase market share, increase earnings, increase their presence to improve their return on investment.  Nothing wrong with that, we all have to make money, but is this the best way?

I remember the old story of four people discussing where they wanted to go to dinner.  One wanted steak, one wanted seafood, one wanted Italian food, and one wanted Mexican food.  Since they couldn’t decide, they went to a buffet, so they all could get what they wanted.  Instead of going somewhere where you could get a good meal, where it was someone’s specialty, everyone got what they wanted, but it was crappy (my apologies to all of the buffets out there).

Now, let’s take this a step further to modern day religion and churches.  We have invoked the Walmart mentality on our worship.  We give everyone a litany of options, a virtual cafeteria or buffet of decisions for people on what or how they want to worship.  I can just imagine in the near future a little checklist we can fill out on what we believe or how we want to believe.  Would you like the Bible as a part of your worship experience?  Virgin birth?  Jesus as the Son of God?  God as man, woman, neither?  Do you like Paul’s writings?  If not, we can just leave them out.  Old Testament?  Too harsh?  We can leave that out too.

Of course we have given everyone a plethora of ways to worship.  As an example, the church I attend has a traditional service mainly geared to the “old people” (I’m real close to this, not quite ready for this service yet!), a traditional service for the middle aged, a contemporary service for the middle aged, a contemporary service for the young adults and a contemporary service for the youth.  We have splintered the church off into various segments, trying to gear the service and the sermon to the appropriate audience, trying to reach everyone in the way we believe they want to be reached.  We also have the children off somewhere else worshipping and getting lessons geared to their age bracket.  The problem I have with this is, are we a church or many pockets of mini-churches within the church?  I never see children anymore, I never see young people, I rarely see young adults, I see a few older people, I only see those people who fit into my proper age category, 35-60 years old.  I talk to friends from church, and I hear about their children, but it’s been years since I’ve seen any of them.  If they walked up to me on the street, I don’t think I’d know who they were. 

Bear with me for a moment as I reminisce, but I think back to a few stories from my earlier years in the church:
  •  I remember sitting in the back of the church, I was ushering that Sunday, and I looked at the church bulletin, and when I saw the date, I just thought out loud, “Wow, time is flying by”.  Sitting next to me was this old, white-haired gentleman, Larry Hadlock, one of the nicest guys you would find, and he said, “Tell me about it”.  He was probably 80 at the time, and I’m sure time had flown by for him.
  •  I remember a service near Christmas, it was when Megan was little, she was probably three or four years old, and I remember holding the hymnal for her, and inching my finger along the page, helping her see the music, see the notes.  She was too young to understand, but that’s how children learn, by watching us in worship.  As a side note, I remember picking her up at the end of the service, and she wrapped her legs around me, and unfortunately, I had one of those musical Christmas ties on.  Just as the church went silent for the closing prayer, you could hear “Jingle Bells” coming from my chest.  Those things don’t shut off either.
  •  I remember the Youth Services from past years when the seniors from high school would give the sermon before going off to college.  I remember watching kids like Alan Dyer or Breanna Shell giving the sermon and wondering when did they grow up?  How did they go from that child I watched in the nursery or taught Sunday School or watched worship in the sanctuary with their parents into a mature young adult so quickly?

As noted, we are trying to gear our services to the proper demographics so much anymore, we lose the family in Church Family.  Gone are the days of reminiscing with the older generation, gone are the days of watching young families grow together in the church, gone are the days of watching children grow up in the church.  Just like the secular world, we have to give everyone what they want, the way they want it, even in a church setting. 

I do understand that churches, just like the secular world, are competing for dollars.  They need money to keep the doors open, I get that.  But should we be competing for people’s souls?  Wouldn’t it be better if we all said, this is what we believe, and this is how we are going to worship?  I know a lot of people criticize the Catholic church for being too stodgy, but they have held true to what they believe and how their worship services are structured.  You know what you will get when you go into virtually any Catholic church.  And by the way, they are one of the few denominations that is growing. 

I think back to the old movie, “Miracle on 34th Street”, and the scene where the department store Santa Claus (who of course is the real Santa Claus) tells shoppers where they can get toys cheaper down the street.  While the store manager was furious, what he found was it built customer loyalty.  What if we referred people to other churches that met their needs, instead of trying to morph into something we’re not and stray from our niche, or what we’re good at?  Better yet, what if we helped them find that church that met their needs, what if we connected them with the pastor of that church?  Isn’t that our mission as Christians, to bring people to God, not to bring them to our church?  You want liberal theology?  There’s a great church down the street that is much more liberal than ours, let me contact the pastor there for you.  You want a really energetic contemporary service?  You have to try Grace, it’s phenomenal.  I’ll contact the pastor for you.


OK, I know I’m crazy, this type of scenario only lives in my fantasy world.  But think about it again, we’re talking about people’s souls.  Should this be a competition?  Shouldn’t our goal be their salvation, no matter what?  This isn't Walmart.

In The Name of Love, Yes

The PCUSA had a major vote at its General Assembly this year to recognize and embrace same sex marriage.  The vote was fairly lopsided (61%-39%) to allow clergy to perform same sex marriages, and also approved an amendment to the denomination’s constitution to define marriage as between two people rather than a man and a woman.

While this was the most controversial of decisions made at the General Assembly, and the one that has many people and churches fleeing the denomination, this is the decision that I strongly agree with the PCUSA on, and, I applaud them for their strength and vision in making this decision.  When decisions are made out of love as the overriding reason, you really can’t go wrong, and the PCUSA didn’t go wrong here.

Over time, many churches and denominations have danced around this issue.  Some have condemned homosexuality and homosexuals, some have embraced them, and many have taken the US military approach of “don’t ask, don’t tell”.  The PCUSA has been the denomination who has stepped to the forefront and chosen love and embracing all children as God’s children.

I’ve often wondered how people can be so unforgiving on this topic.  I’ve seen so many Christians, who can forgive people for just about any sin, except for the “sin” of homosexuality.  While some view homosexuality as a sin, and some do not, what amazes me is that some who believe it is a sin seem to find it as the only unforgivable sin.  I sometimes wonder if murderers, adulterers, rapists are in their Heaven, but Heaven forbid, no homosexuals would ever be in their Heaven. 

On the other hand, I also struggle with the “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach.  It’s OK if you come and worship with us, just don’t flaunt it, don’t let us know that you are gay, let us just assume you are single.  We don’t need to know, we don’t want to know your sexual orientation.  Church is supposed to be about community, about relationships, how can you have community and relationships with others if you aren’t willing to really know them, know about their life, what is important in their life, who is important in their life?

I have to admit, I haven’t felt this way all my life.  When I was younger, I took a much harder stance on this issue, not nearly to the level of feeling it was the only “unpardonable sin”, but I was certainly opposed to the homosexual lifestyle.  Over time, I started realizing that we are dealing with people, it’s easy to take a stance, to hold a view, when it’s a theoretical concept rather than flesh and blood.  When you start putting faces and names to it, it’s much harder to look at someone and say, “I don’t like you because you’re gay”, or “I don’t want you at my church because you’re gay”.  Maybe that’s why so many like the “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach, they just don’t want to know, it’s easier to deal with it that way.

I’ve had a few life changing moments along the way that have really changed my views.  I’ve had various friends and colleagues from work who have acknowledged they are gay, which did have an impact on me, but I’ve had two major points in my life that really changed me radically. 

One may sound silly, but it was at a Small Group retreat from church.  One of my friends, Dave Carr, showed us a documentary on children who have announced to their parents that they are gay.  Just like with anything in life, some of the stories were beautiful, some were not so beautiful.  In some cases, the child told their parents they were gay, and while the child had so much fear and trepidation about doing this, the parents simply said, “I love you no matter what”.  Those stories were so amazing, so inspiring, I wish I could be such a great parent in a situation like that.  Then, unfortunately, there were the stories where the child would announce to their parents that they were gay, and they would find all of their worldly possessions on the front doorstep.  Their parents had disowned them, disavowed them, treated them as if they didn’t exist.  It was incredibly painful to watch those stories in the documentary, I can’t imagine how any parent could rip a child out of their lives, rip out the heart of one that they loved, I’m sorry, I just don’t understand.

The second, and the first helped me so much with this, I give Dave Carr so much credit for helping me grow as a person, came when my son Patrick was going through an upheaval in his life.  Patrick thought he was gay, and eventually he came to realize through counseling, that he had been sexually abused, which led him to that conclusion.  He has subsequently determined that he’s not gay, but he has waged a difficult war against the trauma of sexual abuse, which is a different story.  In any event, when Patrick approached us, again with great fear and trepidation, and told us he thought he was gay, while it was a difficult situation and potential reality for us, we told him simply, “Just as God has never started loving you, we have never started loving you, our love for you has no beginning or end, and this will not change that.”  I think or I hope that this helped Patrick understand that a parent’s love is eternal, just like God’s love is, but I do know that he, along with many others who have struggled with this situation, wonder how they would be received or accepted at their church.

Recently I attended a service at a Presbyterian Church in the area, and the title of the sermon was, “Is This the Hill We Want to Defend?”.  Basically, it was shortly after the vote at the PCUSA General Assembly, and as noted, there is a great deal of turmoil caused by this vote.  The sermon was given by a Youth Pastor, but I was amazed at her wisdom and discernment of the issue.  Basically, her point was, “is this the topic we are going to let divide our church?”.  Seriously, are we going to put a stake in the ground over this?  While it’s obvious I have a great deal of issue with the PCUSA and their politics, I believe they have come down on the side of love and what Jesus would want in this case.  We are all God’s people, and we are called to love each other, not just the ones we like or agree with, but love everyone.   


I would challenge everyone, if you haven’t been through what I’ve been through, just imagine it.  Your son or daughter comes home, and tells you he/she is gay.  What do you do?  Do you love them?  Do you hide them?  Do you want them to feel welcome in your congregation?  Would Jesus welcome them?  Would Jesus love them?  Even if you believe it’s a sin, what would Jesus say?  I think He would say, “He who is without sin among you, be the first to cast a stone”.  Amen.