Editor’s Note: As I often like to say, so much of life is a metaphor. In yoga, drishti is a focused gaze, concentration, it’s essential for stability in postures. I like to take it a step further and incorporate it into my life and use a further definition of a perfect presence of peace and oneness.
As I’ve reflected on my life, it’s hard not to put everything into stages, particularly when it comes to my work life. And as many of us know, we spend so much time at work, it’s hard to say that my work life isn’t a huge part, or even a dominant part, of my life. In my case, too dominant…
As I look back, I can essentially break it down into three stages, but if it were only that simple, so much of what we experience and who we are is wrapped up so tightly in our DNA and upbringing. As I unravel it all, and look back, I would view the first stage as:
Me, Me, Me, It’s All About Me!
I know the price of success: dedication, hard work and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen. ~ Frank Lloyd Wright
The early part of my career was all about hard work and climbing that ladder. You know, the ladder that will take you to the top, whatever the top is. As I’ve shared before, I came by so much of this honestly. My Dad at one point worked 18 straight years without a single day off, no vacation, no sick day. I remember my brother worked three jobs early in life, he only took off Sundays, and that was the day he’d take care of whatever needed taken care of around the house. So I had it instilled in me, you work hard, your company pays you to work hard, you give them everything you have. And ultimately, all that hard work will pay off, they will notice you for all the hard work you put in, and you will get rewarded.
I have to say, this was all true. I never really felt I was the smartest guy in the room, I didn’t have that smooth personality that many of my colleagues had, but I could work. As I recently remarked to my boss Felix Brockmeyer, “I can outwork anyone”. He quickly said, “I’m not sure that’s something to be proud of”. More to that later. But that hard work took me higher and higher. This really came together when I was at Barco, I kept moving up, getting to higher positions, more responsibility, more challenges, more money. I kept getting rewarded for all the work I was putting in. I read all the leadership books, management books, I worked outside of work to be the best I could possibly be.
I remember traveling, flying to Europe probably 10-12 times a year, getting off a plane in Paris, taking the fast train to Lille, taking the slow train to Kortrijk, going into the office after an all-night flight, brushing my teeth and going straight to work. A week away from home, working 12 hour days, eating late at night alone, going to bed, and getting up and doing it all over again. I was living the dream!
In the meantime, I abandoned my family, I gave up child-raising to Laurel. I used to say, I bleed Barco red, I gave everything I had to Barco, and I didn’t regret it one bit. I figured someday I would retire from Barco, I wanted to give the company everything I had. And then, Barco got a new CFO in Belgium. And he took an instant disliking to me. He made my life miserable until I knew he would either figure out a way to fire me or force me to quit, or I would have to make that decision myself.
So I left. Looking back, as big of a flaming asshole as he was, this was an incredible favor that he did for me. I had missed so much of my life, all because of me. Me, me, me, me, me! I had found the price of success. It was a life lived, it was raising my children, it was time spent with the person I love more than anyone, it was all of the important parts of life. I don’t blame him, I don’t blame Barco, in fact I still love Barco, I blame me, the only person to blame in all of this. I then moved into the second stage:
You Take Care of Your Family!
“Success Is My Only Mother Fucking Option, Failure’s Not”
This beautiful line from Eminem’s song “Lose Yourself” belies the reality of what success meant to me at the time. I had finally come to discover what success was for me at the time, and it was my family, and my children. When I started interviewing to move on from Barco, I carried a folder with me with my resume, various work products, information about the company I was interviewing at, but I put this line on the inside of the folder with a picture of my children. I wanted to always focus on what was driving me, what was success for me. Taking care of my family. Again, as we unravel who we are, this one was always driven into me from an early age, you always take care of your family. And I was going to do that.
As a side note, for some humor. When I went to interview at WIKA, I got a text right before going into the interview. I looked at it, and it said, “We’re praying for you”. Now, the funny part is that back then, Sean and Patrick would change Laurel’s text messaging, and she didn’t know how to change it back. They had changed her text message signature to be from Michael Jackson. So right before I went into my interview with WIKA, I got a text from Michael Jackson saying, “We’re praying for you”. How could I possibly go wrong? But I digress as usual…
I had improved, but I still had my moments. I remember when Kelly was graduating from Kennesaw State, and I had my moments of hesitation, where I wasn’t sure if I could break away from work to go to the graduation ceremony, and then to dinner with Kelly. Nancy Cox-Lupori, who had a wonderful gift for smacking me in the head with a 2x4 when I needed it, laid into me and said, “Steve McCullough, you need to go to the graduation, you need to be there for your daughter”. Thankfully, I went, and I had a great time. I’m also thankful that Nancy didn’t use my full name, Stephen John McCullough, like my Mom always did, but again, I digress…
Eventually of course, my children grew, and they left the house. I found that I needed something else to be working for. For about seven years, I taught in the evenings at Georgia Gwinnett College, and it probably represented the best time of my working life. I felt like I was giving back something of myself to the students, I loved teaching. Unfortunately, my travel schedule didn’t allow me to continue, so I had to give that up.
That travel schedule was taking me to Latin America quite a bit, I was going to the five subsidiaries that I was responsible for within WIKA Americas. When I first started traveling to Latin America, I’ll admit, I was a bit scared, this was a brand new world for me. I quickly found that I got to meet some of the nicest, kindest people in the world. I’m so thankful I had the opportunity to experience this and meet and work with so many great people. These experiences, teaching at GGC, spending time in Latin America, helped me move on to the last stage:
Finding My Drishti - Finally
Throughout my career, I worked in positions at subsidiaries, for the most part, until I became CFO at Barco and then WIKA. I remember I used to hate corporate, OK, I exaggerate, I didn’t hate them, but I wasn’t a big fan. Then I spent the last 14 years or so of my career being one of those guys.
I started realizing that I only had so many years left, and I wanted to do something that I enjoyed, and that I found more meaningful. That led me to take the position of General Manager at WIKA Sensor Technology, I wanted to be somewhere where I felt like I could make a difference.
“Do What Is Yours To Do; Don’t Do What Is Not Yours To Do”
When I’m focused, I’m able to let things flow, I stay in my lane, and I let everyone do their jobs. Quite frankly, we have a really good team here, they know their jobs, they’re very good at what they do. But old habits die hard. When things go off the tracks, my inner voices tell me, “work harder, take everything on, do it all”.
Which goes back to the discussion I had with Felix a few weeks ago. I had digressed, I had lost my drishti, and I was attempting to do everything because, well, no one can work as hard as me. And it worked so well before….
Recently I had a call with Jim Zielinski, he works at WIKA Canada, but Jim and I worked together for many years at WIKA in Georgia. As we talked, Jim started laughing and said, “I’m so glad to see you haven’t lost your passion. Don’t ever lose that”. It felt good hearing that from Jim, but I think it’s critical for me to remember, having passion doesn’t mean doing everything myself. As I’ve found over and over again, I have a great group here that has a lot of passion, and we’ll be just fine if I stay out of their way, and let them do their jobs. The reality is I’ve always had great teams surrounding me, that’s one of the things I’m good at, surrounding myself with good people, I just didn’t always realize or understand that I didn’t have to do everything.
“As the ego surrenders, the heart expands. As the ego stops working so hard to get its own way, life begins to take on an ease and rhythm.” From “The Yamas and Niyamas”
As I was talking to a friend the other night, she talked about being in her 40’s and just starting to “get” things. I told her I’m 61, and it wasn’t until a few years ago that I finally started getting it. It took therapy, yoga, reading so many meaningful books, really experiencing life, and who knows what else, but I really started getting it. And occasionally, as noted, I fall back, and I lose it again. But then, I breathe, and I find my drishti. And I start repeating some of the little sayings that help me regain focus:
“Thank you for bringing me here”
“Mind the Gap”
“Trust in the Magic That Flows Through Your Heart”
And I remember why I’m here.
