The PCUSA had a major vote at its General Assembly this year
to recognize and embrace same sex marriage.
The vote was fairly lopsided (61%-39%) to allow clergy to perform same
sex marriages, and also approved an amendment to the denomination’s constitution
to define marriage as between two people rather than a man and a woman.
While this was the most controversial of decisions made at
the General Assembly, and the one that has many people and churches fleeing the
denomination, this is the decision that I strongly agree with the PCUSA on, and,
I applaud them for their strength and vision in making this decision. When decisions are made out of love as the
overriding reason, you really can’t go wrong, and the PCUSA didn’t go wrong
here.
Over time, many churches and denominations have danced
around this issue. Some have condemned
homosexuality and homosexuals, some have embraced them, and many have taken the
US military approach of “don’t ask, don’t tell”. The PCUSA has been the denomination who has
stepped to the forefront and chosen love and embracing all children as God’s
children.
I’ve often wondered how people can be so unforgiving on this
topic. I’ve seen so many Christians, who
can forgive people for just about any sin, except for the “sin” of
homosexuality. While some view
homosexuality as a sin, and some do not, what amazes me is that some who
believe it is a sin seem to find it as the only unforgivable sin. I sometimes wonder if murderers, adulterers,
rapists are in their Heaven, but Heaven forbid, no homosexuals would ever be in
their Heaven.
On the other hand, I also struggle with the “don’t ask,
don’t tell” approach. It’s OK if you
come and worship with us, just don’t flaunt it, don’t let us know that you are
gay, let us just assume you are single.
We don’t need to know, we don’t want to know your sexual
orientation. Church is supposed to be
about community, about relationships, how can you have community and
relationships with others if you aren’t willing to really know them, know about
their life, what is important in their life, who is important in their life?
I have to admit, I haven’t felt this way all my life. When I was younger, I took a much harder
stance on this issue, not nearly to the level of feeling it was the only “unpardonable
sin”, but I was certainly opposed to the homosexual lifestyle. Over time, I started realizing that we are
dealing with people, it’s easy to take a stance, to hold a view, when it’s a
theoretical concept rather than flesh and blood. When you start putting faces and names to it,
it’s much harder to look at someone and say, “I don’t like you because you’re
gay”, or “I don’t want you at my church because you’re gay”. Maybe that’s why so many like the “don’t ask,
don’t tell” approach, they just don’t want to know, it’s easier to deal with it
that way.
I’ve had a few life changing moments along the way that have
really changed my views. I’ve had
various friends and colleagues from work who have acknowledged they are gay,
which did have an impact on me, but I’ve had two major points in my life that
really changed me radically.
One may sound silly, but it was at a Small Group retreat
from church. One of my friends, Dave
Carr, showed us a documentary on children who have announced to their parents
that they are gay. Just like with
anything in life, some of the stories were beautiful, some were not so
beautiful. In some cases, the child told
their parents they were gay, and while the child had so much fear and
trepidation about doing this, the parents simply said, “I love you no matter
what”. Those stories were so amazing, so
inspiring, I wish I could be such a great parent in a situation like that. Then, unfortunately, there were the stories
where the child would announce to their parents that they were gay, and they
would find all of their worldly possessions on the front doorstep. Their parents had disowned them, disavowed
them, treated them as if they didn’t exist.
It was incredibly painful to watch those stories in the documentary, I
can’t imagine how any parent could rip a child out of their lives, rip out the
heart of one that they loved, I’m sorry, I just don’t understand.
The second, and the first helped me so much with this, I
give Dave Carr so much credit for helping me grow as a person, came when my son
Patrick was going through an upheaval in his life. Patrick thought he was gay, and eventually he
came to realize through counseling, that he had been sexually abused, which led
him to that conclusion. He has
subsequently determined that he’s not gay, but he has waged a difficult war
against the trauma of sexual abuse, which is a different story. In any event, when Patrick approached us,
again with great fear and trepidation, and told us he thought he was gay, while
it was a difficult situation and potential reality for us, we told him simply,
“Just as God has never started loving you, we have never started loving you,
our love for you has no beginning or end, and this will not change that.” I think or I hope that this helped Patrick
understand that a parent’s love is eternal, just like God’s love is, but I do
know that he, along with many others who have struggled with this situation,
wonder how they would be received or accepted at their church.
Recently I attended a service at a Presbyterian Church in
the area, and the title of the sermon was, “Is This the Hill We Want to
Defend?”. Basically, it was shortly
after the vote at the PCUSA General Assembly, and as noted, there is a great
deal of turmoil caused by this vote. The
sermon was given by a Youth Pastor, but I was amazed at her wisdom and
discernment of the issue. Basically, her
point was, “is this the topic we are going to let divide our church?”. Seriously, are we going to put a stake in the
ground over this? While it’s obvious I
have a great deal of issue with the PCUSA and their politics, I believe they
have come down on the side of love and what Jesus would want in this case. We are all God’s people, and we are called to
love each other, not just the ones we like or agree with, but love
everyone.
I would challenge everyone, if you haven’t been through what
I’ve been through, just imagine it. Your
son or daughter comes home, and tells you he/she is gay. What do you do? Do you love them? Do you hide them? Do you want them to feel welcome in your
congregation? Would Jesus welcome
them? Would Jesus love them? Even if you believe it’s a sin, what would
Jesus say? I think He would say, “He who
is without sin among you, be the first to cast a stone”. Amen.
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