This is a picture of Laurel and me with Kelly when she graduated from college last December. I don't like to post pictures of myself, as I've grown older, I have that Nancy Reagan head thing going, my head is way too big for my body. But, I digress.
I turned 50 this year. The funny thing is that those age milestones never really bothered me. Whether it was 30, 40, now 50, it really doesn't bother me. It's those kid milestones that are killing me. And 2009-2011 has been a killer for me. Kelly, my star for not causing me to feel old (more on that later), started it with graduating from college last December, our first college graduate. Then Megan got engaged this year. Then the boys started their senior year of high school. Next year, we have to look forward to Megan getting married, our first marriage. And the boys graduate from high school and head off to college. And Laurel and I are empty nesters. Bam! You're old Steve. Most of the time, you get it in small doses, but all of a sudden, it's several two by fours across the head. I guess the roller coaster is picking up speed, and I'm telling you, I'm hanging on for dear life.
As noted, most of the time you get hit with this in small doses. I remember putting Megan on the school bus for the first time. I remember walking her through the high school for the first time to show her where her classes were. Each time you hit those first milestones with your first child, it really ages you. I reminisced back to when Megan would be riding with me in the car, singing Pete Townshend's "After The Fire". It's incredible to hear a five year old singing, "I've got to stop drinking, I've got to stop thinking, I've got to stop smoking." Bam! You're old Steve.
Now we're hitting the "lasts". Every year we take a picture on the first day of school. It killed me to realize this was our last year after 20+ years of taking these pictures when we took Patrick and Sean's pictures this year. In a few months, it will be our last high school graduation. Then a few more months, and our last children at home. Yesterday, the boys were sitting in a laundry basket in front of the TV watching Barney. Tomorrow, they are headed off to college. Bam! You're old Steve.
So most of the time Kelly has spared me from this since she's the middle child and isn't a first or a last, she's always in the middle. Even Kelly didn't spare me, she was our first to graduate from college. Thanks Kelly. Yesterday, she was our "Little Angel From Heaven", running back to her crib to go to bed, today, she's a college graduate. Et tu, Kelly? Even you would do this to me? Bam! You're old Steve.
What the heck happened? How did they all grow up so quickly? Can someone please find the brakes for this roller coaster? I know most of us go through this, and some of us handle this better than others, but I have to be honest, I'm not handling this well. I'm doing my best to slow it all down, but it's funny, there isn't a whole lot you can do to slow down time. Megan will get married. Patrick and Sean will graduate and go off to college. Kelly will move out, no matter how many times I tell her she's not allowed (I'm kidding Kelly). And we will be empty nesters. Bam!
OK, in my head, I know this is the way life is supposed to be. Children are a gift from God, and we only get so much time with them, they're not ours, they're His, and we have our time with them until they move on and lead their own lives. I can still share in their lives once they're grown, but it won't be the same as what we had when they were growing up. In my heart, it hurts. But even my heart tells me, this is the way it's supposed to be. We live, we love, and even though we we get older, and it's not the same, we still love, we will always love.
So, we have a few more months. It's amazing at this point in your life how much you can enjoy a bedroom with clothes all over the floor, a sink full of dirty dishes, a laundry basket full of barely worn clothes, singing and guitar music at 11 o'clock at night and unexpected kids coming to your house around dinner time. There's plenty of time for a clean and quiet house. Plenty of time.
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