A Pirate Looks at 40 - Well, Okay, 50

This is a picture of Laurel and me with Kelly when she graduated from college last December. I don't like to post pictures of myself, as I've grown older, I have that Nancy Reagan head thing going, my head is way too big for my body. But, I digress.

I turned 50 this year. The funny thing is that those age milestones never really bothered me. Whether it was 30, 40, now 50, it really doesn't bother me. It's those kid milestones that are killing me. And 2009-2011 has been a killer for me. Kelly, my star for not causing me to feel old (more on that later), started it with graduating from college last December, our first college graduate. Then Megan got engaged this year. Then the boys started their senior year of high school. Next year, we have to look forward to Megan getting married, our first marriage. And the boys graduate from high school and head off to college. And Laurel and I are empty nesters. Bam! You're old Steve. Most of the time, you get it in small doses, but all of a sudden, it's several two by fours across the head. I guess the roller coaster is picking up speed, and I'm telling you, I'm hanging on for dear life.

As noted, most of the time you get hit with this in small doses. I remember putting Megan on the school bus for the first time. I remember walking her through the high school for the first time to show her where her classes were. Each time you hit those first milestones with your first child, it really ages you. I reminisced back to when Megan would be riding with me in the car, singing Pete Townshend's "After The Fire". It's incredible to hear a five year old singing, "I've got to stop drinking, I've got to stop thinking, I've got to stop smoking." Bam! You're old Steve.

Now we're hitting the "lasts". Every year we take a picture on the first day of school. It killed me to realize this was our last year after 20+ years of taking these pictures when we took Patrick and Sean's pictures this year. In a few months, it will be our last high school graduation. Then a few more months, and our last children at home. Yesterday, the boys were sitting in a laundry basket in front of the TV watching Barney. Tomorrow, they are headed off to college. Bam! You're old Steve.

So most of the time Kelly has spared me from this since she's the middle child and isn't a first or a last, she's always in the middle. Even Kelly didn't spare me, she was our first to graduate from college. Thanks Kelly. Yesterday, she was our "Little Angel From Heaven", running back to her crib to go to bed, today, she's a college graduate. Et tu, Kelly? Even you would do this to me? Bam! You're old Steve.

What the heck happened? How did they all grow up so quickly? Can someone please find the brakes for this roller coaster? I know most of us go through this, and some of us handle this better than others, but I have to be honest, I'm not handling this well. I'm doing my best to slow it all down, but it's funny, there isn't a whole lot you can do to slow down time. Megan will get married. Patrick and Sean will graduate and go off to college. Kelly will move out, no matter how many times I tell her she's not allowed (I'm kidding Kelly). And we will be empty nesters. Bam!

OK, in my head, I know this is the way life is supposed to be. Children are a gift from God, and we only get so much time with them, they're not ours, they're His, and we have our time with them until they move on and lead their own lives. I can still share in their lives once they're grown, but it won't be the same as what we had when they were growing up. In my heart, it hurts. But even my heart tells me, this is the way it's supposed to be. We live, we love, and even though we we get older, and it's not the same, we still love, we will always love.

So, we have a few more months. It's amazing at this point in your life how much you can enjoy a bedroom with clothes all over the floor, a sink full of dirty dishes, a laundry basket full of barely worn clothes, singing and guitar music at 11 o'clock at night and unexpected kids coming to your house around dinner time. There's plenty of time for a clean and quiet house. Plenty of time.

Because They Loved Us

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them - Bishop Desmond Tutu"

Last week, I was out of town, and I had an incredibly vivid dream. I was at a family reunion, and all of my cousins were there. I guess I have Facebook to thank for that. I'm not a huge fan of Facebook, but I still keep active on it because I can stay up to date on what my cousins are doing. Since I see so much about their lives, I guess they were in my subconscious, hence the dream with all of them in it.

We did have a real family reunion this summer. We hadn't had one in about seven years or so. We get together at my cousin Marlene's house in Columbus, Ohio, she has a nice, big backyard, and it's a great place for us to all get together. We had relatives from Ohio, Pennsylvania, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, California, New Jersey and Colorado there. I'm sure I missed a state or two, but we came together, simply because of the love of my Mother and her sisters and brother, and our love for each other.

My Mother and her siblings grew up in an orphanage many years ago after their parents died when they were young. I don't know the stories nearly as well as some of my older cousins, but I do know that my Aunt Bessie did not live in "the home" like the rest, because she was older. But she would go and pick up the boys at one home and the girls at another home each Sunday to get them together for a picnic. They always had a special bond growing up because of what they went through.

That carried forward through their lives and through our lives. I remember visiting my cousins quite a bit growing up and going to stay with them at various times when I was growing up. I always had a special bond with my cousins, and while we are an eclectic group of personalities, I still have such a special feeling for all of them, they were such a huge part of my life. While distance and the years have caused us to grow apart, for that one day, it was like old times, but maybe with a little more gray hair, or in some of our cases, a little less hair. I know it sounds crazy, but that dream the other night took me back once again to that special time last summer when we spent the day together. The really fun thing about the day was watching my Mother and her sisters and brother, just sitting together, enjoying each other's company. They ended up closing the party down, not wanting the day to end.

But the party did end, and again, we went our separate ways. I find it hard to believe I'm saying this, but thank God for Facebook. I love seeing the posts from all of my cousins, what's going on in their lives, what's important to them, what their children are doing, what makes them happy and what makes them sad. And periodically, I can dream and see them all again. It may seem crazy, but that's OK, I can live with that. They are a a gift to me, and I have my Mom and my aunts and uncles to thank for that.

Wisdom of Our Fathers

For Father's Day last year I bought my Father "Wisdom of Our Fathers" by the late Tim Russert. It has a picture in it of a good friend of mine, Dave Carr, with his father, so I told Dave about buying it. Dave asked if I had written my own "chapter" for my Dad, which I hadn't. Of course, Dave never has a bad idea, so I've been planning to write my own chapter for a while, so here goes.

Wisdom of My Father

Like so many of us, I have a great deal that I owe my Father in who I am and who I turned out to be. Some of the major things he taught me:

Honor Your Mother - I remember one Mother's Day when I was in high school, and I was having trouble with a girlfriend. We were supposed to take my Mother out for Mother's Day dinner, but I didn't want to go, I wanted to go over to my girlfriend's house to work out the problem. I knew my Dad would understand if I passed on taking Mom out to dinner. So I went into the bathroom where he was shaving, getting ready for the night, and asked him, "Dad, is it OK if I don't go tonight?" He turned and looked at me with a very clear and steady look, and simply said, "No." I knew that there would be no more discussion, no negotiation. Message heard loud and clear.

Love Your Children - My Father never claimed credit for this, but he had a saying or way of looking at things when you were down about money or your situation in life. He'd ask me, "Would you trade any of your children for a million dollars?". Well, of course not. He'd say, "You have four children, so I guess you have at least $4 million." Maybe very simplistic, but an easy way to keep focused on what's most important.

Value Everyone No Matter What They Do - Probably one of the greatest work lessons I've ever learned, and it's served me well, is to value everyone in the workforce. I remember him telling me, "Even if someone pushes a broom, if they work hard, you value them for what they do." One of the quickest ways someone would incur my wrath at work was if they would tell me they were "just a peon". I tend to be very easy going at work, but no matter what else was going on or what needed to be done, if someone ever said that to me, they would get a meeting and discussion on how valuable they were or are to the organization. Everyone, no matter what their position, contributes to the success of a company. Thanks to my Dad for first teaching me this lesson.

Hard Work Is Important - My Dad quit high school in the 9th grade and became a truck driver. He eventually worked his way up to being a manager of a truck terminal. At one point, he went 17 years or so without a single day off, no sick day, no vacation, no nothing. I learned this lesson a little too well, and this probably wasn't the best lesson he ever taught me. Thankfully, I was never quite that bad, and I have improved over time. I have learned that there are times to work hard, and there are times to play. I still struggle with the play, but old habits or teachings die hard.

It's OK to Cry - I will never forget when my Grandfather died. He was the first person that died that was close to me. I remember getting ready in the morning the day after he died, and I heard this strange sound coming from my parent's bedroom. I went in, and it was my Dad crying. I had never heard him cry in my life. It was a strange, surreal experience, but I knew it was OK, and I knew how much my Dad loved his Father.

Did I learn more than just this? You bet. When I got out of college I learned how smart my Dad was. When I had to buy a car, buy a house, start my family, I found out my Dad was much smarter than me, imagine that. But those are the normal things that all of us go through as we grow up. My Dad taught me so much about how to do the important things in life, but more importantly, he taught me about the important things in life. That has made all the difference.

Our 2010 Christmas card

"Suffering is not without purpose, grief is not without hope"


We had an incredible year in 2010, and we thank God for that. We also thank God for some of the pain and suffering that we experienced in previous years that led us to our wonderful 2010. There are times that we have no idea why we have to experience the troubles that we go through, but in so many cases, it all becomes clear once we let God's plan unfold. The problem we have is that we want God's plan to unfold on our time, not His time. In our case, if it weren't for some of the difficulties we experienced over the years, the boys would have never ended up at Hebron Christian Academy, I would have never ended up at WIKA, and we would have never ended up at Lawrenceville United Methodist Church. What a difference this has all made!

This is the first time I've ever done something like this, so please forgive me if my style is not the best. I was a journalism major in college (OK, now I'm a Chief Financial Officer, go figure), so this is going to be very much sticking with the facts, and not much fluff, but that's just me. As some of you know, I've been forced to go this route because Cardstore.com failed to deliver our Christmas cards this year. Without further adieu, here is our year in review:

Our Trips

College Visits - I think based on our last count, we went to see 17 colleges in five different states. Our biggest trip was to Pennsylvania and Ohio, where we went to see nine schools over Spring Break. We also went to see opening day for the Pirates at PNC Park. It was hectic, fun and incredible seeing so many great schools.

Two family reunions - We had two family reunions this summer, one on my side of the family and one on Laurel's side of the family, both in Ohio. It was great seeing all of my cousins and their families, I just love my cousins, they are an incredible group of people (separate blog post coming soon on this). For Laurel's reunion, we went to Lake Atwood, a lake resort that her family used to go to every year when she was younger. Laurel got a chance to go to her sister Kathy's grave and put some flowers on her grave, and we got to spend time with her brothers and nieces and nephews.

While our trips were nothing fancy, a week for the college visits, weekends for the reunions, lots of driving, they provided some of the best times I've had in years. There is something about being around family that can make anything special.

Laurel and Me

We hit 50 this year! As promised, a separate blog will also be coming on this. Fifty came and went without much fanfare. We're not nearly as exciting as the kids, so this part of the post will be brief.

WIKA acquired a company in California this year, so I spent a great deal of time traveling to Anaheim this year. It sounds much more exciting than it is. In 2009, we had a tough year financially at WIKA, so everyone took a 7.5% pay cut. We had our pay rates restored this year, which was nice, but then something incredible happened. At the end of the year, WIKA paid back all the money that we sacrificed in 2009. In this day and age of corporate greed, it's incredible that we were all rewarded for our sacrifice and hard work, and that we work for a company that values its employees so much. I also started teaching this year at Georgia Gwinnett College, fulfilling a lifelong ambition to teach in college. It's only one course, but it is so fulfilling.

Laurel has spent a great deal of time, volunteering her time to various efforts. She spent time, along with some other ladies from our church, helping a young, single mother, trying to get her life together. It ended up being a difficult and stressful several months as she learned how difficult it can be to help someone turn their life around. Ultimately, she learned, as one of the books she found says in its title, "When Helping Hurts". She has found working at the Lawrenceville Co-op or for the school has great rewards without some of the stress of trying to help one individual. She has not lost sight of this young woman's need or her compassion for her struggles, but she's learned that the problem and solution is bigger than her.

Our Children

I heard a quote last night in Church about which child do you love the most. The answer is the one that needs you the most at the time. Chronologically, here are some highlights of their year:

Megan

Megan got engaged this year to Thomas McDonald, or T-Unit as we call him. They've been dating for a long time, six years or so. They live in Chicago, so we don't get to see them much, but we had the pleasure of seeing them at one reunion, and they also came for a visit earlier this year. Megan also got moved to full time at Bank of America, which was a great blessing this year. Thomas also got a promotion this year at AT&T. She and Thomas get married next June in Chicago, so we are excitedly planning a wedding for 2011.

Kelly

Kelly graduated from Kennesaw State University last December (our first college graduate!). She took an internship with Rowland Mountain, a recruiting firm, right after college, and they hired her shortly thereafter. She then moved to another recruiting firm, TRC Staffing, later in the year. She has been dating Clayton Crowe for about 1 1/2 years or so. She's talked about moving out, but I told her she's not allowed since Laurel and I would be empty nesters once the boys go to college (OK, I'm kidding).

Patrick

Patrick was in two plays this year at Hebron. He was Juror Number 7 in "12" (Hebron's version of 12 Angry Men). He was Don Quixote in Man of La Mancha in November. It was an incredible performance. He also placed fourth in the state at the Literary Meet for solo singing. After all of our college visits, Patrick held firm to his decision that Grove City College in Pennsylvania was where he wanted to go. He applied for early decision, and after some agonizing days waiting for the mail to come, his acceptance letter finally came. So Patrick will be heading to Grove City in the fall, where he has been accepted into the music program.

Sean

Sean has been participating in worship leadership at Hebron, and he has also started participating in worship leadership at our Church. He has a great passion for music, and sings, plays guitar and keyboard. I am in awe when I see him standing up on stage, leading a group of kids in a worship service. Sean also plays on the Hebron soccer team, and Hebron had an incredible season in 2010. They finished 2010 with only two losses and went to the state playoffs. They lost in the second round, but it was such a fun year to watch. Sean ended up as Hebron's Scholar Athlete for Gwinnett County. Sean is still undecided on which college he will attend. He's whittled it down to Covenant College in Lookout Mountain, Georgia, or Cedarville University in Ohio. Then there is Wittenberg University in Ohio. There is still time for those decisions to be made.

What will 2011 bring? We have two graduations in May and then two weeks later a wedding, so more excitement. We may have more pain and sorrow, who knows. But we know that even if we do, it will all be a part of God's plan. And it's a good plan, and we may not know the reason for the pain and sorrow in our time, we will know the reason in His time.

I wish you all a wonderful holiday season, and I hope you find peace and joy in all that you do.