Who Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

“He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much, who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men, and the love of little children, who has filled his niche and accomplished his task, who has left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul, who has never lacked appreciation of Earth’s beauty or failed to express it, who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had, whose life was an inspiration, whose memory is a benediction” – Bessie Anderson Stanley

Way back when I started my career, I used to post short term goals, and long term goals on my wall.  To be honest, I can’t remember anything other than my long term goal – to become commissioner of Major League Baseball.  Obviously that never worked out.  But I digress.

Our Small Group got together about a month ago for Katherine Ey's wedding, which was such a wonderful event, we had eight of our Small Group members and spouses there to celebrate with John and Beth Ey.  As we sat together late one evening, Nike Nihiser said to me, “I really don’t know how you write what you write.  One, you write so well, I could never write like you do, but you are so open, you put it all out there.  I could never share like that”.

It has probably been about 10 years since I started my blog.  One of our other Small Group members, Dave Carr, suggested it, and I started writing.  Our Small Group has always joked that when we grow up, we want to be Dave Carr.  Dave is a Renaissance man.  He reads, he journals, he blogs, he meditates, he thinks, he challenges.  Dave reaches out to those less fortunate, he follows what Jesus taught us about the “least of us”.  One of the things I love most about Dave is that he always works to be a “bridge builder”.  Whether he believes one way or another about a topic or issue, Dave will always reach out to those on the other side, try to understand their viewpoint, and try to figure out how to bridge the gap between the two sides. 

But the greatest thing I love about Dave is that he is so real.  When I first met Dave, years ago at Westminster Presbyterian Church, he seemed to be someone to put up on a pedestal.  As noted above, he was a Renaissance man, but I really didn’t know him until we went out to lunch the one day.  I found out, Dave wasn’t that different from me.  He had issues, fears, warts, Dave was real.  It’s funny, Dave ended up higher on that pedestal after I found out that he could open himself up so easily and admit what his flaws were.

Over the past several months, I’ve been re-immersing myself into one of my greatest heroes, Mr. Rogers.  With the recent documentary that came out, and the news of a movie coming starring Tom Hanks, I found my copy of “The World According to Mister Rogers” and started re-reading it, and also sharing it with people who I thought could use the inspirational words of Mr. Rogers. 

There are many nuggets of wisdom in the book, particularly surrounding the idea of “neighbors”, which isn’t unusual, considering Mr. Rogers’ theme of “won’t you be my neighbor”.  There’s a whole section that is titled, “We Are All Neighbors”, and it contains some of his greatest writings, such as:

“The more I think about it, the more I wonder if God and neighbor are somehow One.  “Loving God, Loving neighbor” – the same thing?  For me, coming to recognize that God loves every neighbor is the ultimate appreciation!”

“As different as we are from one another, as unique as each one of us is, we are much more the same than we are different.”

“Imagine what our real neighborhoods would be like if each of us offered, as a matter of course, just one kind word to another person.”

While Mr. Rogers’ thoughts and writings are incredible, what I had forgotten, and enjoyed the most, was the Foreword by Joanne Rogers, his widow.  The quote above from Bessie Anderson Stanley was the first piece, and she noted that Mr. Rogers used to carry around quotes like this for when he needed words of wisdom.  She noted another one from Mary Lou Kownacki that said, “There isn’t anyone you couldn’t love once you’ve heard their story”.  Mrs. Rogers said that her husband would always try to find the best in everyone.  When she was angry with someone, he would say to her, “But I wonder what was going on in that person’s day”.  He had a huge capacity for compassion for others.

What really struck me was what she said about how hard he worked to be who he was.  She said, “The outside world may have thought his qualities of wisdom and strength came naturally to him, but those close to him knew that he was constantly striving to be the best that he could be.  He was as human as the rest of us.”

I remember my first experiences meeting and being around Robby Carroll at Shallowford Presbyterian Church.  Robby served as the Minister of Pastoral Care and Counseling at the time, and Robby could capture your attention immediately.  He has a deep, raspy voice, and an infectious laugh.  I remember times sitting in the pews, and when there was a poignant sermon or a beautiful anthem, Robby would close it out with a booming “Hallelujah” or “Amen”.  What captured me most was seeing so many of the people at Shallowford, particularly the older people, who would come up and hug Robby, so many people just absolutely loved this guy.  It didn’t take long for me to see why, he has such amazing gifts.

I remember his retirement message, he gave it at “Pairs and Spares”, it’s a Sunday School class that is largely older people (like me) in the congregation.  As Robby spoke, I realized I was hearing something special, so I grabbed a scrap piece of paper sitting on a table, and a pen to jot down Robby’s message.  For those who know me, I’m sure you can believe this easily, I lost that piece of paper, and for as much as I’ve searched, I couldn’t find it.  So I reached out to Robby recently, and asked if I could spend some time with him and “rehear” his message.  When I told him, he said, “Well, I don’t know what I said exactly, but just like most ministers, I only have one sermon in me.”

As I listened to Robby, he spoke of redemption, he spoke of life experiences, he spoke of being on the journey with others and helping each other on the journey.  Robby is a recovering alcoholic, and he is able to use his experiences and the pain he went through to help those who are on the same journey or similar journeys.  Robby talked about“unconditional love and acceptance as the only way”, he spoke of “loving God and neighbor as yourself, and it starting with the self”.  Robby went on to say,

“I am privileged to be on the journey with folks who have lost hope in God and life itself.  We continue to pray that God will give us the wisdom, energy and insight to live our lives with compassion and care for all who suffer.  I am reminded of Jesus weeping over Jerusalem for all of the pain and struggle that is a part of life.”

What I loved the most and what has always drawn me to Robby is when Robby said, “Honest transparency is what we all need.  Honest transparency connects us with God.”  Robby is real, he is genuine, he is willing to bare his soul to help those who need to know “I’m not in this alone”.  Other people have gone through what I’m going through, and they’re willing to share that journey with me.

It’s funny, when I had set out to write this blog post, my title was going to be something like, “My apologies Dave Carr, I don’t want to be you when I grow up anymore, I want to be Robby Carroll”.  OK, the title is way too long, but I also realized, that’s not the message, and that’s not what I’ve learned through all of this.  What I came to realize is that while each of my “heroes” noted above have different qualities or ways of reaching those around them, they have one common theme.  They are real, they are genuine, they are willing to share who they truly are to help those that desperately need help.  They have hopes, they have fears, they have suffered, but they continue to persevere on, and they want to help others persevere on.  And that is why I do my best to emulate the best of what they have given us.

Going back to Nike’s comments, he’s right, I have made a concerted and intentional effort to bare my soul and heart to the world through my blog posts.  Admittedly, it sometimes makes people uncomfortable, real life can be hard for people to take, I get that.  But I think it’s important for people to know and see that there are many of us going through the same struggles that they are facing each day.  We’re all in this together, and we need each other, we can make a difference in each other’s lives. 

I know I can’t be a Renaissance Man like Dave Carr.  I know I can’t be an icon of our generation like Mr. Rogers.  I know I can’t be a beloved minister or counselor like Robby Carroll.  But I can be me.  And I can be real and genuine, and I can let people know, my journey isn’t always easy either, but I’ll happily share my journey with you, if it helps you on your journey.  Funny, it sounds a whole lot like, “Won’t you be my neighbor?”