Leaving Church

 Editor’s Note: Thanks to Barton McMillan who inspired me to write this, even though he doesn’t know it.  You’re a very good man, who deserved to be treated as such.

“God wants the mainline church to die”  Reverend Allen Hoskyn

Very strong words, and I’m still not sure I believe them.  And to be fair to Allen, he spoke them to me many years ago, and I have no idea if he still believes them, or even believed them then. 

I do know that it’s time for me to take a sabbatical, or extend the sabbatical I’ve been on.  I’ve lost faith in the church, or at least the church we’ve created, and I can’t see returning for the foreseeable future.  And that’s OK.

Each time we’ve moved over our 38 years or so of marriage and raising a family, one of the first things Laurel and I would do when we moved to a new community was to find a church home.  It was up there in the priorities with getting utilities set up and emptying moving boxes and setting up our home.

Jesus has left the building

Just like with anything else in life, it hasn’t been just one thing that has dampened my enthusiasm for church.  I will say that I’ve had two very negative experiences over the past year, one at our former church, one at the seminary where I served as a Trustee, that left me really jaded toward our leadership, including me.  Those were probably the tipping points that pushed me over the edge. 

But it’s been more than that, it goes deeper, I’ve had many small events over the last few years that have caused me to hit the pause button and say church isn’t the place for me right now.  I guess part of it could be blamed on the pandemic, we lost our weekly ritual of attending church and the assorted other activities during the week.  Fundamentally though, I just believe the church has lost its way.  We have lost our way.  I know it’s an overstatement to say Jesus has left the building, but I’m not sure we are keeping Him as the focal point of what we are doing as a church.

And let’s be clear, my decision isn’t the right decision for everyone, and while it may appear that I’m painting a broad brush condemning the church, there are still many people doing a lot of great things within the church.  In fact, my next blog post is titled, “When the Church Does It Right” followed by “Faith”, which will highlight where I am on my current faith journey. 

For those who have come to know God, the whole world is a prayer mat

While I could focus on the many negative examples of why I’ve made this decision, I’d like to focus on a few positive examples of why I’ve moved on. 

The first is our yoga studios.  Each time Laurel and I have found a new yoga studio, we are welcomed into a new community.  There is no judgment, we are free to come as we are.  I have absolutely no idea if any or all of the people there are Christians, Muslims, Jews or whatever, but I don’t care, and they don’t either.  They are kind and caring.

The second has been the book club I’ve been a part of for the past year from our yoga studio in Georgia.  The class was called “Don’t Look Away”, and we read a book a month related to understanding and dismantling racism.  Each week we would gather and discuss the book we were reading, and we would share our thoughts and feelings about what we read.  Again, no judgment, we were free to say what we felt and share our beliefs.  And again, no idea if any were Christian or not, but they were kind and caring.

For me at least, I’ve been able to find Jesus more readily outside of the walls of church.  I have no idea if any of these people know Jesus, but I am finding Jesus within them.  I feel comfortable with them, I belong.  While I wouldn’t advocate or believe this is the right answer for everyone, I still believe the church serves a very useful purpose in our society, I just don’t think it holds the right answer for everyone, or at least me at the present time.

To my friends and family, no worries, I’m still a devoted follower of Jesus Christ.  I’d prefer to keep looking for and finding Jesus where He is.  And the good news is, He is everywhere, we just need to look.  In fact, I just saw Him again today in a new coffee shop we went to in Delaware called Coffeeology.

“So the last will be first and the first will be last” Matthew 20:16

And who knows, I may come back someday.  I’m hopeful that I can find a church like Nadia Bolz-Weber’s church where the people like me get the opportunity to worship with those that Jesus hung around with, the ones who are not welcome in most churches.  I believe my dear friend Dave Carr has found that in Hayward Street Church in Asheville, and hopefully someday, I will too.

 In closing, I’ll offer up some words from “Beyond Words” by Frederick Buechner.  I know, I’ve quoted him before, but seriously, he can say it so much better than I can:

Jesus said, "I am the Road, also the Truth, also the Life. No one gets to the Father apart from me." John 14:6.

He didn't say that any particular ethic, doctrine, or religion was the way, the truth, and the life. He said that he was.  He didn't say that it was by believing or doing anything in particular that you could "get to the Father." He said that it was only by him-by living, participating in, being caught up by the way of life that he embodied, that was his way.