Memories of Gramma Dorfee

I remember when the kids were little, hearing that name – Gramma Dorfee. I guess Dorothy is tough to pronounce for little ones, at least my little ones, but she was always there to answer to it. My daughters, Megan and Kelly, used to wear her out, particularly Megan, but she could wear anyone out (sorry Megan). As much as they wore her out, she kept right on going, she loved her grandchildren.

About a month ago, we had the honor of attending Dorothy Bernardis’ funeral. Dorothy was my mother-in-law, she lived a long life, a difficult life, but she was always there for all of us. As best as possible, I try to look at death as a time to celebrate as well as to mourn the passing. So I’d like to celebrate some of my best memories of my mother-in-law, and all that she did for us.

My First Encounter – She Won My Heart

After a couple months of dating Laurel, I went to her home and I met my mother-in-law. For some reason, my father-in-law, Norman (or as everyone affectionately called him Norman T.), wasn’t there, can’t remember why. We were eating dinner, and I can’t remember what prompted it, but all of a sudden, Dorothy said, “well you know Laurel, you can be a real bitch on wheels sometimes.” How I didn’t spit out any food is still a mystery to me. That is the first time in my life I’ve ever heard the phrase bitch on wheels and the last time. But I loved it, and I’ve loved telling that story ever since, especially to my kids. Somehow, Laurel doesn’t have the same fond memory of that story. I took an instant liking to my future mother-in-law.

My Shield From Norman T.

Norman T. had a reputation. He chewed boyfriends up and spit them out. Norman T. was a stone mason, he was big, he was strong, he was tough, he was a prototypical man’s man. To be honest, after having daughters, I really don’t blame him, but his legend is amazing. After some time, I heard from my future brother-in-law’s how ruthless Norman T. was with them. He’d yell at them, tell them to get the Hell out of the house, treat them as badly as possible to test their merit. With me, it was a different treatment. He ignored me. It was as if I was wearing Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak. He would talk around me, look through me, it was if I wasn’t there, I assume he was hoping I wasn’t there. Dorothy always looked out for me. She wouldn’t let Norman T. mistreat me and she always ensured I felt welcome there. By the way, once Laurel and I told them we were getting married, Norman T. treated me like I was his best friend in the world, somehow my invisibility cloak disappeared.

Always to the Rescue

We had a couple problem pregnancies (I’m sure Laurel is thinking how did this become we?) first with Kelly and then with our twins, Patrick and Sean. In both cases, Laurel had to spend months on bed rest to ensure she finished her pregnancies for the babies to be healthy. In each case, Dorothy came and lived with us to take care of the family. She cooked, she cleaned, she took care of the kids, and she took care of Laurel. I’m not quite sure how we would have gotten through those pregnancies without Dorothy’s help, but thank God we didn’t have to worry about it. She was there to take care of us all. One story that I’ll always love surrounding this was the time I came home from work for dinner, and it was Dorothy, Megan and me having dinner, I think Megan was about two or so. As we ate dinner, I asked Megan if she wanted anymore French Fries, and she said, “no God damn it!”. As I jumped back in shock, figuring she had heard this at some point from Laurel (not me of course), Dorothy quickly jumped in and apologized. She said, “I’m so sorry, I burnt myself on the tray, and I said that, it’s not Megan’s fault.”. I was just thankful Laurel dodged a bullet and Megan didn’t hear it from her!

Devoted to God

Dorothy had the unfortunate and most painful task a Mother could ever have, having to bury a child. And she had to do it twice. She lost two of her daughters, Karen and Kathy, to cancer much too young in their lives. She also had to watch her husband, Norman T., battle cancer, a battle he lost about 15 years ago. While she questioned God, wondered what she had possibly done wrong to anger God, she never lost her faith. She was one of the most devoted Christians I’ve ever come across. She prayed incessantly, attended church no matter what, she worshipped God with a fervent faith that very few have. I wish I could someday claim to be the faith warrior that Dorothy was.

We gathered and put her to rest about a month ago, and all I could think was how great it will be for Dorothy to be reunited with Norman T., Karen and Kathy in Heaven. She suffered way too much the last several years, and while you never want to see someone die, when the pain and suffering gets to be too much, you want to see someone get the relief they deserve and move on to a greater life. Just like the picture above, I can just imagine Gramma Dorfee up in Heaven, dancing with Norman T. What a wonderful picture to see!