The Altar Call

One of the interesting things we encountered when we moved to the South was the difference in worship from what we experienced in the North. For so many years, we worshipped at Westminster Presbyterian Church in Dayton, Ohio, which we loved and still love. But as we would jokingly say about our church or our form of worship, we were the “frozen chosen”. We worshipped, we prayed, we sang hymns, we wore suits, but Heaven forbid, we did not show any emotion. We maintained decorum, no matter what.

When we moved to Georgia, we searched for a church. We had some misses along the way, and we eventually found a phenomenal church, First United Methodist Church of Lawrenceville. In so many ways, it is different from Westminster, but in so many ways, we love it just as much as we loved Westminster. As much as I would have never imagined it, we are even attending the Contemporary Service, and I’m sure if he were dead, the Reverend John Neely, the Pastor of Music at Westminster, would be rolling over in his grave. Westminster had a world-renowned pipe organ, with a huge incredible choir singing traditional hymns, oftentimes in Latin. We are attending a service with guitars, drums, contemporary music, with everyone singing along, raising their hands to Heaven, sometimes dancing and swaying to the music. In many cases, people wear blue jeans. Whew, I still find it hard to believe!

In any event, the one tradition that has enthralled me and captured my heart is the “Altar Call”. Toward the end of the service, as we prepare for the last song, the Pastor will say something like, “The altar is open, if you’d like to join the fellowship, make a faith profession or just come and pray.” This has become one of my favorite parts of the service. You’ll see various people or groups of people go to the front of the church, and kneel down at the altar. They will pray for whatever issues, pains, problems that they are facing in their lives. In many cases, it’s one solitary person, going forward to pray alone, silently sharing with God their pain. In other cases, the Pastor will come down, pray over them, comfort them for whatever ails them in life.

In many cases, you will see other people, or groups of people, heading to the front of the church, praying over them, holding them, comforting them for whatever is going on in their lives. In most cases, I have no idea what is going on in some of these people’s lives. It’s just so compelling to see so many people coming forward, being there, praying over them, being there for their brothers and sisters suffering. I honestly tear up just about every week watching the love of God in action through these people. Once, I was one of those people, coming forward for one of my brothers, along with probably 15 other men, comforting someone who needed the love of God in his life. It was incredible feeling the love of God, the power of prayer as we all stood with him, laying on hands, supporting him as he laid himself bare into the hands of God. It probably did as much for me as it did for him, being a part of praying over him.

As noted, my history, my tradition is nothing like this, I was a part of the “frozen chosen”. I never thought I would ever need to or feel moved to go forward for an “Altar Call”. But, life has a way of doing things to you that you would never imagine. As we’ve faced the greatest struggles we’ve ever faced in our lives, as we’ve fallen into the deepest depths we’ve ever experienced, Laurel and I did the unimaginable, at least from our history, we went to the altar to pray. As we got there, the emotions poured out, I couldn’t stop crying, praying for God to help us, to heal us. And then, the hands started coming. I felt the hands of friends, the hands of God upon us. To this day, I have no idea who those hands were, other than I knew they were the hands of God. And then Dr. Chappell started praying over us. And a certain calm, a certain peace came over me. The words I’ll never forget, the words that I still cling to, Davis spoke, “God has this”. Yes, God has this. Just like everything else, God has this.

The Altar is open. More to come.

Sandy's Greatest Hits

Recently, we had the opportunity to go back to Dayton, Ohio to our former church, Westminster Presbyterian Church, for the retirement of our former pastor, Reverend Dr. George H. “Sandy” McConnel. We had been members at Westminster for most of our adult lives, roughly 20 years. Sandy was our pastor for roughly 12 of those years, and he served Westminster for 21 years. Sandy had many gifts he brought to the ministry, he was a great leader and led some important initiatives at Westminster. He was also a member of our small group, a group of 10 men, that started in 1997, and is still going strong today. A couple of us have moved from the Dayton area, but we still talk, e-mail, share, pray for each other, and get together once a year for a retreat. These men have become the most important men in my lives outside of my family.


As members of my small group know, I carry around “Sandy’s Greatest Hits”. I have about 10 of what I consider Sandy’s best or most moving sermons that I periodically refer back to and share with others when the situation is relevant to one of his sermons. Most recently I shared one of them with my Dad as he is continuing his fight with cancer, and I’ve shared them with my son Patrick as he is facing a very difficult path in his road. Sandy’s sermons are incredible, they are poignant, moving, they make me think, they make me challenge what I believe. I may not always agree with him, but he always makes me think and pray about whatever the topic is, and I come through it much better than I was before. We joked when I was in Dayton, that I should send all of them out to my small group, but instead, I’ll cite my favorites, and a brief excerpt that has meant so much to me in the sermon. Sandy’s Greatest Hits, at least from my perspective are:

1. A Rose in Winter, 12/8/96 – “The greatest oppression is that things are what they seem and no more. Hope denies that.”

2. The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, 11/12/95 – “When the Edmund Fitzgerald went down in Lake Superior 20 years ago, God was not present to intervene and prevent the wreck, but nonetheless God was not absent.” My all-time favorite and the one I share and cite the most.

3. Play the Ball Where the Monkey Drops It, 11/13/05 – “Not only is God with us in our affliction, I believe God offers to assist us in weaving every tragedy into a new and meaningful life.”

4. Learning To Be Content, 8/24/97 – "Paul’s “yes” to Christ is so strong that his “no” to all other competing gods is possible. Paul has a burning “yes” to Christ – a “yes” that burns so deep that it makes it possible for him to say “no” to other things. Paul’s commitment to Christ is so real, so meaningful that material goods, social status, creature comforts are of no account."

5. It’s Not Fair, 2/27/00 – "The Bible does not promise that by “being good” we shall escape evil and suffering! But, it does make evident on almost every page that when evil and suffering come to us, as they inevitably will, we need not succumb to them but can live through them in such fashion that we are the conquerors, not they."

6. I Love You … I Love You … I Love You – God, 11/21/99 – "There may be times that you are out of God’s will but there has never been and never will be a time when you are out of God’s heart. Every prodigal that seeks grace finds grace."

7. The Conviction of Things Not Seen, 12/19/04 – "Now, hope is “the conviction of things not seen.” Hope is faith pointed towards the future. If faith puts us on the road, hope keeps us there."

8. Dealing with Difficult People, 12/19/99 – "If you want to deal with difficult people, start with the one in the mirror. If you want to change the world, start with yourself. Most of us spend too much time trying to change others and not near enough time trying to change ourselves."

9. Where Seldom is Heard an Encouraging Word, 11/14/97 – "Certainly telling someone something you like, admire or appreciate about them is a small thing. It takes almost no effort. Yet, when done with sincerity and love, encouragement pays enormous dividends."

10. The Family Values Debate, 11/8/96 – "How can any intelligent parent, knowing the negative influences that are a part of our high schools today, not encourage their child – even dare I say make their child – go to Sunday School and Youth Fellowship? Obviously I’m biased but I don’t understand. I mean if “family values” are important, why is church an option?"

I have a few others I carry with me, but these are the ones that touched me the most. Sandy’s last sermon centered on the beautiful Benediction he would give at the end of his services. It was so funny, I had forgotten about it, but I hadn’t forgotten it. As soon as he went into it, I remembered it, even though I hadn’t heard it in close to seven years. The Benediction goes like this:

Now go forth into the world in peace

Be of good courage

Render to no one evil for evil

Support the weak

Comfort the afflicted

Honor all persons

Love and serve the Lord

Rejoicing in the power of God’s Holy Spirit

And may the blessings of God

Father, Son and Holy Spirit

Be with you, this day and forever.

Amen. What a great career and service Sandy gave us all. He touched so many lives, and he definitely touched my life and my family’s life in so many ways over the past 20 years. He leaves an incredible legacy.

Memories of Gramma Dorfee

I remember when the kids were little, hearing that name – Gramma Dorfee. I guess Dorothy is tough to pronounce for little ones, at least my little ones, but she was always there to answer to it. My daughters, Megan and Kelly, used to wear her out, particularly Megan, but she could wear anyone out (sorry Megan). As much as they wore her out, she kept right on going, she loved her grandchildren.

About a month ago, we had the honor of attending Dorothy Bernardis’ funeral. Dorothy was my mother-in-law, she lived a long life, a difficult life, but she was always there for all of us. As best as possible, I try to look at death as a time to celebrate as well as to mourn the passing. So I’d like to celebrate some of my best memories of my mother-in-law, and all that she did for us.

My First Encounter – She Won My Heart

After a couple months of dating Laurel, I went to her home and I met my mother-in-law. For some reason, my father-in-law, Norman (or as everyone affectionately called him Norman T.), wasn’t there, can’t remember why. We were eating dinner, and I can’t remember what prompted it, but all of a sudden, Dorothy said, “well you know Laurel, you can be a real bitch on wheels sometimes.” How I didn’t spit out any food is still a mystery to me. That is the first time in my life I’ve ever heard the phrase bitch on wheels and the last time. But I loved it, and I’ve loved telling that story ever since, especially to my kids. Somehow, Laurel doesn’t have the same fond memory of that story. I took an instant liking to my future mother-in-law.

My Shield From Norman T.

Norman T. had a reputation. He chewed boyfriends up and spit them out. Norman T. was a stone mason, he was big, he was strong, he was tough, he was a prototypical man’s man. To be honest, after having daughters, I really don’t blame him, but his legend is amazing. After some time, I heard from my future brother-in-law’s how ruthless Norman T. was with them. He’d yell at them, tell them to get the Hell out of the house, treat them as badly as possible to test their merit. With me, it was a different treatment. He ignored me. It was as if I was wearing Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak. He would talk around me, look through me, it was if I wasn’t there, I assume he was hoping I wasn’t there. Dorothy always looked out for me. She wouldn’t let Norman T. mistreat me and she always ensured I felt welcome there. By the way, once Laurel and I told them we were getting married, Norman T. treated me like I was his best friend in the world, somehow my invisibility cloak disappeared.

Always to the Rescue

We had a couple problem pregnancies (I’m sure Laurel is thinking how did this become we?) first with Kelly and then with our twins, Patrick and Sean. In both cases, Laurel had to spend months on bed rest to ensure she finished her pregnancies for the babies to be healthy. In each case, Dorothy came and lived with us to take care of the family. She cooked, she cleaned, she took care of the kids, and she took care of Laurel. I’m not quite sure how we would have gotten through those pregnancies without Dorothy’s help, but thank God we didn’t have to worry about it. She was there to take care of us all. One story that I’ll always love surrounding this was the time I came home from work for dinner, and it was Dorothy, Megan and me having dinner, I think Megan was about two or so. As we ate dinner, I asked Megan if she wanted anymore French Fries, and she said, “no God damn it!”. As I jumped back in shock, figuring she had heard this at some point from Laurel (not me of course), Dorothy quickly jumped in and apologized. She said, “I’m so sorry, I burnt myself on the tray, and I said that, it’s not Megan’s fault.”. I was just thankful Laurel dodged a bullet and Megan didn’t hear it from her!

Devoted to God

Dorothy had the unfortunate and most painful task a Mother could ever have, having to bury a child. And she had to do it twice. She lost two of her daughters, Karen and Kathy, to cancer much too young in their lives. She also had to watch her husband, Norman T., battle cancer, a battle he lost about 15 years ago. While she questioned God, wondered what she had possibly done wrong to anger God, she never lost her faith. She was one of the most devoted Christians I’ve ever come across. She prayed incessantly, attended church no matter what, she worshipped God with a fervent faith that very few have. I wish I could someday claim to be the faith warrior that Dorothy was.

We gathered and put her to rest about a month ago, and all I could think was how great it will be for Dorothy to be reunited with Norman T., Karen and Kathy in Heaven. She suffered way too much the last several years, and while you never want to see someone die, when the pain and suffering gets to be too much, you want to see someone get the relief they deserve and move on to a greater life. Just like the picture above, I can just imagine Gramma Dorfee up in Heaven, dancing with Norman T. What a wonderful picture to see!