Does God Talk To Us - Or Through Us?

Last winter, I was going through some struggles, and I was going through some particular struggles with Laurel. I can't remember what the issues were, it really doesn't matter, but I was irritable and frustrated with Laurel and it came to a boil the one night. Laurel had just arrived home from picking Sean up, and something set me off. I yelled and screamed, and I stormed out. I was done, I was determined that I was leaving, didn't know where I was going to go, but I was leaving. I thought about finding a hotel, seeing if I could stay with someone, but the intent was to just leave. As I drove and realized that neither a hotel nor staying with someone made much sense, I settled on going to work, I could go there, stay for a while, if needed, I could probably spend the night there. Anything, but going home. I took my computer with me since I didn't know if and when I would go back home, and I logged on when I got there. I had the following e-mail from Sean waiting for me:

"I didn't hear what went on tonight, and I'm glad I didn't hear it. If I had heard it, I don't know what I would have done. I don't know if I would have run or if I would have just stood there. One thing that is for certain is that I don't care who was wrong. I don't care who was right. If you ever do this again, I don't know what I'll do. You never do anything that upsets someone else, especially a lady, and not apologize. Even if you weren't wrong, it's best to apologize. Now, what you did tonight was give up. You became a Judas. Judas sold Jesus out. He killed him. Do you know what he did after that? He committed suicide. Peter, on the other hand, denied knowing Christ three times. Do you know what he did? He ran full-speed after Jesus. Every chance he got. Peter didn't give up when he messed up. Judas did. Don't give up. I don't want to see you end up like Judas, and I know you don't want to end up like him. I don't know what's been going on with you lately, but I don't care. There is never any excuse to do that. Giving up is the permanent solution to temporary problems. The problems will go away. Everything will fade. Goodness will be left in its place. Don't be mad at mom. She is just sensitive. She feels unappreciated. She is starting to realize that her daughters are taking advantage of her. She also feels that the men ( you, Patrick, and I) don't need her anymore. She feels useless and helpless. Please, help me and Patrick help her through this. Don't give up."

To say that this e-mail saved our marriage would be overstating it. Laurel and I have been married for 27 years, and like most marriages, we've had our ups and downs and fights along the way. I will say that this e-mail diffused the anger and bitterness that I was feeling. My feelings went from anger and bitterness to amazement at what came out of Sean's mouth (or keyboard). I forwarded the e-mail to Laurel that evening, and her reaction was that we had an incredible son. Needless to say, I ended up going home, we worked things out and I kept the analogy of Judas and Peter fresh in my mind.

The funny thing was that when I asked Sean about the e-mail later, his reaction was "I really have no idea what I wrote, it just came out." Maybe some modesty, but maybe not? It took less than a half hour for me to get to work and log on, and Sean composed this in that period of time. So does God talk to us, or through us? Did Sean come up with this on his own, or did he have some help? Obviously, there are no right answers to these questions, and we will never know for sure. I guess that is one of the beauties of the concept of faith. In your head, you will never know for sure, but in your heart ....

To My Graduate - Do As I Say, Not As I Do!

My daughter Kelly graduated from Kennesaw State University last week. She graduated in accounting (I tried my best to talk her out of it, but to no avail). The graduation ceremony was really nice, great pomp and circumstance, a bagpiper, great speeches, everything you would want from a graduation. I only teared up three or four times.

I have to first admit that I tried my best to imitate one of those Disney dad's before the ceremony. If you don't know what I mean, I'm talking about one of those dad's that is on his cell phone, or at a business meeting or whatever business affair, and shows up after his son's/daughter's baseball game or recital or whatever special event is over.

In my case, I was obsessed with everything going on at work, and focused on everything that needed to get done before the end of the year. I wasn't thrilled to go to the graduation, and I was committed to get back to work as soon as possible after the ceremony. Kelly asked a couple times about going out to dinner after the ceremony, and I brushed her off and told her that I had to get back to work. This "Disney Dad" attitude continued until the day of the graduation. Somehow, thankfully, something showed me what a jackass I was being, and I realized how important this was to her, and how important this was to me. This was a huge event, and it was cause for celebration and remembrance. So, I forgot about work. I enjoyed the graduation ceremony, I really listened to the commencement speech (and it was really good), I savored the moment. We took pictures afterward, we froze our butts off, and we got to spend some quality time together at dinner.

Which brings me to the speech, and the story above is a microcosm of what I have done wrong, and I don't want Kelly, or any of my children, or anyone else to do. The best life is a balanced life. You need to balance work with Faith, Family and Friendship. It will make you a better person, a happier person and a more well-rounded person. You will have choices throughout your life to work or spend time with your family, your friends or at church or in a church-related activity. There are definitely times, where work calls, and you have to answer. There are times though, where work calls, and you need to hang up and tell work to call back later.

I could tell countless stories to highlight this (unfortunately). I missed a friend's wedding because I was too busy at work. I missed countless children's activities. I blew off church to go to work. When our boys were born (twins making our third and fourth children), Laurel gave me the choice of working less or quitting playing golf. I quit golf. Ultimately, if you don't lead a balanced life, you can not, and will not, be nearly as effective as a person or an employee to your company. I don't want employees like me. People who know when to stop working, who lead a balanced life, bring a better attitude and demeanor to work. They are much happier, relaxed and energetic at work. They are fun to work with. I can tell you that I've heard this throughout my career from supervisors and managers I've had. As one partner in public accounting once told me, "there is enough work here that you could work seven days a week, 24 hours a day, and the work still wouldn't get done. You need to learn to just walk away at the end of a day satisfied with what you did and come back the next day to start on it again." The work will always be there. Some of the special moments won't be, once they're gone, they're gone forever.

So, enjoy your life. When you're at work, work hard, give your best to your company. When the work day is done, leave it behind, it will be there tomorrow. Spend time with your family and with your friends. Get involved in community activities or church activities. Travel and see other countries and other parts of the US. Set the computer aside at night. Turn the Blackberry off. Listen with all your heart. When you are with loved ones, be always present.

If you need any advice on how to do all of this, talk to Dave Carr, he is who I want to be when I grow up.

The Apple Sometimes Falls Far From the Tree

I’ve posted two videos, one of Patrick singing Not a Day Goes By, and one of Sean singing Be My Escape. There are several reasons I wanted to post these videos. One, of course, is that I’m incredibly proud of them. I believe they are both very talented musically. They both sing, play guitar, play piano, and used to play the French Horn. I have absolutely no idea where this talent comes from, and it definitely doesn’t come from me. As Laurel notes, I’m lucky they let me sing in the pews at church, and to be honest, I can’t even clap along to a song. I’m also incredibly proud of them because they are willing to get up in front of people and do this. I have had to give many presentations and speeches in front of people, but I couldn’t imagine ever trying to perform in front of others. I think it takes a great deal of courage and love to do something like this.

Lastly, I wanted to post these as a tribute to their voice teacher Steve Burkholder. Actually Steve has also been their piano teacher, counselor, therapist, advisor, and I’m sure a multitude of other titles. I used to say that it takes a Church to Raise a Child. There is so much that children deal with these days, it takes more than parents to raise them. The Church provides so much help, and the schools help a great deal also, if you find the right school. Sometimes, however, you are able to find someone who comes into their lives that helps them become the person they have the capability of becoming. Steve has done that for Sean and Patrick. We are so thankful and blessed that he is a part of their lives.

Patrick McCullough - Not a Day Goes By

The videographer didn't do a great job, but Patrick did.

Sean McCullough - Be My Escape

I had to cut the last part of the song to allow it to fit, but you can still see what a great job Sean did.