Going Into Semi-Retirement

If I had just one wish, only one demand
I hope he's not like me, I hope he understands
That he can take this life and hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world with arms wide open
Creed

To borrow yet again from my mentor and friend, Dave Carr, we all have our answer when someone asks us, "what do you do?" I've learned from Dave, that while the pat answer would be something like, "I'm the CFO at WIKA", the more appropriate answer is to say what the most important things are in your life. So, what I would say is:

- I'm a devoted and passionate, but very imperfect, follower of Jesus Christ and am thankful every day for the beauty of Grace

- I'm married to the best friend I've ever had, and try my best to be the best possible husband I can be

- I'm a loving and caring father, even though I fail in so many instances to meet my expectations of what a loving and caring father should be

- I'm the Chief Financial Officer for WIKA Instrument Corporation, a really great company

- I'm an adjunct professor of accounting at Georgia Gwinnett College, and I really love teaching

As many of you know, this has been the year of change for us. To recap, Kelly moved out in February, the boys graduated from high school in May, Megan got married in June, and the boys leave this week for college. Empty nestdom is about to set in. Many people have told me that this is a great stage of life we are moving into, but I have so many fears and mixed feelings about all of this. I think back to the movie "Failure to Launch", when Kathy Bates was discussing her son finally moving out, and she said to him, "What if he doesn't like me?" in reference to her husband, Terry Bradshaw. I've had those same thoughts in regard to Laurel, and it does worry me, but that's not the main subject of this post.

I've been a parent for 26+ years now, and for the first time, I won't have children in the house. I realize that you never stop being a parent, my parents still parent me, I see other parents doing the same, but it's going to be different. Am I going into semi-retirement? How do I spend my time, who am I going to run to the store with, who's going to help me play pranks on Laurel? The house is going to be incredibly quiet without band practice, or the constant singing, guitar, keyboard, piano or french horn playing. I've known this time was going to come eventually, and as much as I tried to slow down time, it came anyway. I've told Kelly she has to move back home now, but that's not the answer either, life has to go on, and I need to deal with it.

This post isn't about me, though, it's about Patrick and Sean, and I guess my final advice I can give them before they head out the door this Friday. I chose some lines from the Creed Song, "With Arms Wide Open", because it resonates with me and what I hope for Patrick and Sean. I think that every father hopes that his son(s) is better than him, a better husband, better father, better person, and that is what I hope for my sons. I'm sure there will be more advice to give, but this is my one last gasp before I head into semi-retirement, so here goes:

- Live life - in too many cases in my life, I was looking ahead to the next level, next promotion, whatever it was. I didn't experience or enjoy where I was in my life at the present. Live your life, enjoy the people around you, enjoy nature around you, take it all in and enjoy it. Tell people how you feel about them, don't just assume they know how you feel. Time is too short, people need that reassurance that they are special, that they mean something in your life.

- Follow your dreams - look at Curtis Mann, he followed his dream, maybe it was crazy, but he followed it and see where he is? I always wanted to be a writer, but I gave up early because it was too hard of work, or I didn't see a future doing it. If you have a passion for something, do it, and don't let anyone tell you that you'll never be able to make a career of it.

- Choose your friends well - I made some bad choices along the way, and I paid for it. I also made some good choices, and it made a huge difference in my life. My best friend from high school Dale Thomas was there many years later when I needed a friend. A good friend will always be there for you.

- Don't hesitate to look to your church for help - There were times in my life, I didn't turn to my church for help, when I desperately needed it. I was either too ashamed, too proud, too whatever, but I didn't do it. I've also found through my small groups, both in Dayton and now here, having a relationship with a small group can make an incredible difference in your life. Humans are made to need companionship and relationships, don't discount that.

- Follow your heart - It will never lead you wrong. That goes for anything you do, but I'm particularly talking about relationships with women. Your Mom and I didn't meet until about 2-3 months before I graduated from college, she lived over an hour away, and I was headed off to graduate school, four hours away. I could have figured, timing is wrong, this isn't meant to last, but I pursued her because I thought there was something special there. There may be barriers along the way, but if that person is special enough, knock those barriers down. Almost thirty years later, I have no regrets, and I thank God she is in my life, and I did follow my heart.

- Experiment and try new things - OK, I don't mean drugs or alcohol. College is the time to experiment, learn who you are, what you want to do, what gives you passion. I don't know if it's going to be in the classroom, intramural sports, clubs, fine arts, whatever it is, try something new and see what you are passionate about. I always wanted to play the piano, but I've never had the nerve to try, don't be like me! I will say though, I always wanted to teach, and finally, at 50, I started teaching. It's never too late, but this is the best time in your life to try new things.

- Make time for your brother and sisters - As you know, I lost my brother Bill too early, and Mom lost her sisters Kathy and Karen way too early. I was way too busy early in my adult life to spend enough time with my brothers, and I regret that. Don't have regrets, fix it ahead of time. Make time for your brother and sisters, they are God's gift to you.

- Do what's right, no matter how hard it is to do - There are so many ways to put this. One of the best I ever heard was Lou Holtz, the former college football coach saying, "You can't go wrong, if you do what's right." Whether it's "would you be proud of this if it was in tomorrow's newspaper" or "how would you feel if your Mom saw you do this", there are many litmus tests for doing right and wrong, use them to judge your actions.

- Never, ever quit or give up - I'm probably not the smartest or most talented person in the world, but what has helped me through in many cases is perseverance. There will be times, where the easy answer is to quit, but the most satisfying answer is to work through whatever obstacle it is and conquer it. You both have shown that you have the hearts of champions, that will not fail you as you move forward.

- Lastly, honor God in whatever and all that you do - You know, I would love for you to serve Him as a minister, worship leader, missionary or whatever your calling may be. But, it's YOUR calling. If you don't feel Him calling you to one of these vocations, that's OK, but whatever you do, honor Him in whatever you do. As Sean has said, maybe he could become Mr. Driver when he grows up, and that would be a wonderful thing. I'm sure both of you will be great in whatever you do, just remember why you are going to be great.

I would hope that you know that your Mom and me love you tremendously, and we always have been, and always will be, very proud of both of you. You are destined for great things, no matter what that may be. Remember, I'm only in semi-retirement, if you need any words of wisdom or advice, I'm here for you. I also have Dave Carr's number if you want really good advice.

Of Father's Day and Forgiveness

I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter, but my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter, but I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness, even if, even if you don't love me anymore. - Don Henley, The Heart of the Matter

Ever since Father's Day, there's been thoughts or ideas bouncing around in my head, that I've been trying to get to gel, but as noted, my head's kind of stuffed with fluff, so they've continued to bounce around with no cohesion to them. I think they may have finally come together last night after a late night talk with Sean, but I'll get there in a minute.

Right around Father's Day, one of my colleague's who I respect immensely, Jim Zielinski, asked me a question. "What one piece of advice would you give on raising children?" He has young twin boys, I think about five, and I'm at the tail end of raising ours, our twin boys are 18. My one piece of advice was learn to bite your tongue, learn when to keep your mouth shut. As my older, and much wiser, brother once told me, words are like bullets, once they're out, you can't get them back and they've done irreparable damage.

On Father's Day at our church, Dr. Chappell did a sermon in a sense on the same topic. His sermon was the positive side of this, he told a couple of stories, one from his childhood and one from his parenthood. I won't tell these stories, these are Dr. Chappell's life stories, and that wouldn't be fair. In each case, however, the father encountered a situation where the son made a fairly big mistake, and in each case, rather than yelling or telling the son how he had erred, the father simply hugged his son and let him know he was loved no matter what.

Ah, I wish my story was as positive to tell. There have been many times when I haven't taken my own advice and just kept my big mouth shut unfortunately. There is one that sticks with me and still haunts me, I don't know why, but it does. It was probably two years ago or so, and Sean was playing indoor soccer. He wasn't having a particularly good game, but the main purpose of the indoor season was to get in shape for the high school season. After the game, as we were leaving, I couldn't help but comment on Sean's lackluster play. Now Sean is a pretty competitive young man, and he's also very astute. He knew he hadn't played his best game, and the last thing he really needed was for his father to be telling him that he hadn't played that well. Bang! There goes the handgun blast, there goes the bullet ripping through Sean's heart. I must have said I was sorry a dozen times on the drive home that night, but it still didn't help. The shot was fired, the bullet did its damage, no amount of words could repair the wound.

The funny thing that kept gnawing at me though when I kept thinking back to this evening was that there was a second shot, much more damaging than the first. It was more of a shotgun blast, a self-inflicted wound, and the damage was so extensive, it still really hasn't healed. I think, or I hope, that if you would ask Sean if he remembered this incident, I'd venture to say he doesn't, that bullet to the heart has healed over. There's still some scar tissue maybe, but for the most part, he's healed. Unfortunately, the self-inflicted shotgun blast I took to the heart still hasn't healed, and I guess, that is the heart of the matter.

We've been talking a lot about forgiveness at our house lately, mainly dealing with other people, those who have wronged us, and how no matter what, we need to forgive those who have committed wrongs against us. The hardest wrong to forgive though are those that you do yourself. As much as I know I should, and need to, forgive myself for that night, or so many of the other days or nights where I've done something stupid like this, I still struggle with it. Words are like bullets, they can inflict so much damage, but so many times, the damage to oneself lingers far longer than the damage to others. Which brings me to late last night and my conversation with Sean.

For those of you who do read my blog, I refer back to my post of December 24, 2009, Does God Talk To Us - Or Through Us? Sean came to talk to me last night because that night has really stuck with him (maybe that shoots my theory of bullet wounds healing, or maybe that bullet wound was just too deep). Sean unfortunately witnessed me losing it with Laurel that night, and he told me last night that while he knows I won't leave them, and maybe it's a little irrational, he still has this fear that I will leave them because of what he witnessed that evening. While I still suffer the bullet wounds from that night myself, I didn't realize that those wounds were still there for Sean, which led to a great parenting opportunity for me, and maybe even a little reparation of those wounds to try to get them to heal within me.

I told Sean that I still regret that night and what I said and did. I told him that forgiveness is critical in our lives, and probably the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. I told him that even though I know that, and I know I need to forgive myself, I still haven't been able to do it. I told him that while I regret what happened, life and marriage involves hurting each other sometimes, and the most important thing is to recover from those moments. Even though you may fight or disagree, it doesn't mean that you still don't love each other. I told him that I can't change the past, but events like this make me try to make every day a better day for his Mom if I can. And I told him, in my or our defense, we've been married for over 28 years, which is pretty good considering the average divorce rate, so we must be doing something right.

As we come full circle to that evening, I come back to the e-mail that Sean wrote me that night, admonishing me to do the right thing. He gave the analogy of Judas and Peter, committing wrongs and how you react or deal with those wrongs. Do you take the route of Judas, commit the wrong, not forgive yourself, and commit suicide? Or do you take the route of Peter, commit the wrong, but forgive yourself and run after Jesus even faster? While the answer seems easy, the path isn't as smooth. So we come to the heart of the matter. Can I forgive myself, can I be Peter, can I put the past behind me and soar confidently into the future? As Hamlet said, "Ay, there's the rub!". As is probably painfully obvious from reading this, self-forgiveness is still a struggle I have. In my mind, in my heart, I know I have to, it is the only healthy thing to do, but I can't seem to pull the trigger, or at least pull the trigger as well as I pull the trigger on those bullets of criticism or anger.

So I wish I could give you a happy Father's Day ending to this, but I really can't. What I can give you is the hope that I have for myself, and of course, for anyone who struggles with forgiving himself or herself. This one I listen to a lot, and I think about a lot, because to me, it does have a lot of meaning, particularly for me. I continue to be a work in progress, and I hope that I am until the day that I die.

There is hope for me yet, Because God won't forget, All the plans he's made for me, I have to wait and see, He's not finished with me yet, He's not finished with me

Brandon Heath, Wait and See

Little Miss Magic, what you gonna be?

Last weekend, June 11, 2011, I walked my oldest child, Megan, down the aisle to marry Thomas McDonald. I looked forward to this moment with great anticipation, and trepidation, for so many months, and in all of my wildest dreams, I couldn't have imagined that this day could have been any better. I finally get it. I have to admit, I never quite understood all of the drama and love for weddings, but now I get it. Outside of my own wedding, and the birth of my children, this was the greatest day of my life. I would do this again in a heartbeat, and I give a fair warning to Kelly, you will have a wedding like this someday, whether you like it or not.

Leading up to the wedding, the trepidation part was due to my fear of how I would be walking Megan down the aisle and for the Father of the Bride Dance. There would be random moments, sitting at my desk, out for my morning run, whenever, wherever, where I would burst into tears thinking about those moments. While I understood that it would be relatively acceptable to cry during those moments, I didn't want to "ugly cry" as one of my colleagues, Nancy, would say at work. I kept thinking and believing, there was no way I could make it through without an ugly cry. This thought haunted me leading up to the wedding and even that morning. The night before the wedding, my brother Jim made the comment, "Laurel looks great, she looks calm, Megan looks great, she looks calm, the only one that looks awful is you." The morning of the wedding, we went to breakfast, and afterward, my Mother said, "What's wrong?", and I started crying.

Maybe it's hard for some people to understand, but I really don't think it is, the whole process and concept of giving away your daughter is overwhelming. So many memories run through your mind, you go back to those days when she was a baby, when she was a little girl, when she sang "Little Miss Magic" with you.... Ah, the memories. While you have the joy and excitement for the life to come for her, you are still tied to those memories of what was, and what will never be again. It is life, it is how it must be, it is right, but that doesn't mean it's not hard.

Before I reveal how I made it through (or didn't) the critical moments of the wedding, I'd like to provide some key moments from the wedding and the few days leading up to the wedding:

• You always wonder what your future in-laws are going to be like, and that worry was quickly dispelled. The McDonald's are incredible. We always have loved Thomas, he's an incredible young man, but I had never met the rest of the family. Kathy and Peter McDonald are fantastic people, and their sons are amazing. I told Kathy and Peter that I'd adopt any of their sons in a heartbeat.


• Not only that, but the extended family was incredible. We had the opportunity to meet various cousins and other members of the McDonald extended family the few nights before the wedding, and they were a great group of people.


• We were blessed by several family members coming, including my parents from South Carolina, my brother and sister-in-law from North Carolina, and nieces, nephews, and their spouses or fiancees from states far away. Laurel's niece Heather and her husband Tom carted four young boys from Indiana up for the wedding, and the boys behaved unbelievably.


• Four of the Small Group members from my former church in Dayton came, including two spouses, to support me and to support us. As we always said, it takes a Small Group to raise a child, and my Small Group helped us through many difficult times raising our children. We had those there in body, and we also had those there in spirit. We couldn't have raised our children without them, and we were so blessed for what they have done in our lives.


• Our sons, Patrick and Sean, sang before the wedding, two songs that they wrote themselves, and "Can't Help Falling in Love With You", the Elvis Presley song. They did a great job, even though they stressed us out considerably, changing the words, changing the songs, up until the morning of the wedding.


• Thomas' brother, Bob, gave an incredible toast. I have never in my life heard a toast like he gave, Bob is an amazing young man.


• Jodi DiCenzo, a young lady I worked with over 20 years ago, who lives in the Chicago area, came to the wedding. When Megan was a baby, her parents used to babysit Megan, so that Laurel and I could go out and have some time away from our newborn.


• As many people suggested, I savored every moment. I knew the day would fly by, so I made sure I took in everything that happened. I watched, I listened, I enjoyed. I stayed until the very end, until we essentially were told, politely, to leave.


• The old saying goes, youth is wasted on the young. I disagree, it is so much fun watching the young being young. I stood in the corner for so much of the dancing late at night, just watching young people being young people. They have so much in front of them, so much to offer, we were them many years ago, let them have the moment now.


• Thomas and his Mother did an amazing job on the Mother of the Groom Dance. They danced to "Forever Young" by Rod Stewart. It was upbeat, fun, energizing, I smiled and laughed the whole time watching them, it was a great follow-up to Megan and my Father of the Bride Dance.

So, we get to the two key moments, at least for me. The time came for walking Megan down the aisle. Beforehand, Kathy McDonald and I talked and decided we couldn't make eye contact. As I walked down the aisle, I looked straight ahead, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. I knew if I looked at any of my Small Group, I was doomed. I was really good until I got toward the end of the aisle. I glanced over at Kathy, and had to look away quickly. Then I looked at Laurel. No!!! The one I could always count on to hold it together was crying! How could this be? I held up fairly well, I gave Megan a kiss, shook Thomas' hand, and went on my way. Some people may have noticed I stepped on Megan's wedding dress, but that's beside the point.

The time came for the Father of the Bride Dance. Our song, which I chose, was "Little Miss Magic" by Jimmy Buffett. When Megan was little, we would ride around in the car, and sing it. It was a magical memory for me, many years ago, when Megan was young, I was young, when she was "the only other woman for me". Times have changed, I've lost a lot of hair, what's left of it has grown much greyer, and Megan has grown into a beautiful and wonderful young lady. I got to dance that one final dance and tell her so many things every father wants to tell his daughter. I love you very much, I'm so proud of you, we love Thomas, you've married into an incredible family, I can't imagine this day being any better than it is, remember what the message was today at the wedding, you are making a commitment to Thomas and to God. Within moments, it was over, but the memory, that moment, will last with me forever. One last time, she was my little girl, she was my baby, she was my Little Miss Magic.

Did I cry during the Father of the Bride Dance? Yeah, like a baby. Was it an ugly cry? Maybe it was, but to be honest, I really don't care. The moment was so beautiful and precious to me, I don't really care what I looked like. For those few moments, I really didn't notice anyone or anything around me, all I saw or heard was Megan. That's all that mattered. All I hope and pray is that she's happy, and she seems so happy with Thomas, that's all that matters, that's all any parent could want for their child.

Little Miss Magic, what you gonna be? Little Miss Magic, what you gonna be?
Little Miss Magic, just can't wait to see...

Why You're My Favorite

As we come upon graduation, the boys have received many cards and letters from people, expressing words of gratitude and inspiration. I've been amazed at what some people write and express, there have been some incredibly heartfelt words delivered to Patrick and Sean.

One of the letters was more of a "form letter" that one of the teachers gives to her students, but I really loved the message to it. It was a teachers' message to her students of why they were her favorite. It talked about the quiet students, the talkative students, the "know-it-all's", the class clowns, the brightest, the "not so brightest", and why each type of student was her favorite student. I loved the message of why it takes so many types of students, and people, to make the world what it is.

Along those same lines, I decided to do a tribute to some of those students who have touched our sons' lives. On one hand, I hate doing something like this, because I hate leaving anyone out, but on the other, I hope people understand that this is but a brief snippet of the great group of kids that our sons have had the honor of going to school with and playing sports with. So many of these kids have been "my favorite" for their own special way of being who they are. The picture above is of Patrick with two of my favorites, Lauren Townsend and Elise Murray. The sad part is that once high school is done, some of these kids we'll never see again. I know that is how life has to be, but it's hard to know that some of these special young people will never be in your life again. So without further adieu....

Why You're My Favorite

Collin Kitts - You make me laugh, and even those times I know I shouldn't be laughing, I still do. You are such an incredibly neat kid, I just loved watching you play soccer, even when you did or said something you shouldn't. I always had a warm spot in my heart for you, maybe because your Mom and Dad are so special to me, or maybe it's just because of you, but I used to always tell Sean, "I just love Collin".

Lauren Townsend - Whether it was singing or in plays, I always loved to watch you perform. Your voice is incredible, and your ability to play dramatic parts, funny parts, any part in a play is amazing. You will do extremely well in whatever you do, your talent is immense.

Jared Magnuson - You exude leadership. I'd joke with you before an event, like the mission trip to Dominican Republic, to make sure to look after Patrick and Sean, and keep them out of trouble. It was really only partially a joke. You are such a great leader, it will serve you well in the future.

JD Baxter - I think if you ever asked Sean the one player he most loved to play with it would be you. You had such amazing energy as a soccer player, you were always going full speed, and never had quit in you. I loved hearing you on the field and seeing you on the field. You never stopped, never gave up, always were talking and always gave it your all.

Elise Murray - You were probably one of the neatest and best things to happen to Patrick and Sean. As quiet and shy as they are, you are so much the opposite. You are fun, you are talkative, you are an incredible bundle of energy that keeps them on their toes. You have a great personality that will take you far.

Kevin Cooper - If all kids, or people, in this world had a heart like Kevin Cooper, the world would be a much better place. I just read the letters you gave to Patrick and Sean for graduation, and your words were so warm and filled with love. You have a huge heart.

Cole Redman - A freshman on the list? That is how special you are. You were the spiritual leader of the Hebron soccer team, and are just flat out a great leader. As a freshman. I can't imagine what you will be like as a senior.

Olivia Ratts - Maybe it's because most of the music, or movies or shows that are your favorites are my favorites too. Or maybe it's because you have touched our sons' lives in so many ways these past few years. House Church is what it is because of you. You have an artist's heart and a fun and bubbly personality that will carry you far.

John Foley - They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Your eyes say that as big and strong as you are, you have an even bigger heart to back it up. I remember how broken up you were when you got red carded and had to sit out. You felt you let your team down. You took goals given up and losses to heart, much more than you should have. That is why you are such a great young man.

Dino Favara - When the boys first went to Hebron, I kept hearing this name - Dino. Dino did this, Dino said that. I came to find out that you were a very funny young man, but I guess what I really appreciated was that you were one of the first to really welcome Patrick and Sean into a new school. We worried a lot moving them their junior year, but you, and others like you, made the transition go almost flawlessly.

OK, I promised myself I would limit it to 10, or I could go on and on. Each of the young people above bring their own special talent and personality to the world, and that's what makes it all so beautiful. We love them for what each of one of them has and what each one of them brings. The leaders, the class clowns, the musically talented, the athletically talented, the happy ones, the brooders, each brings his or her own fingerprint to the canvas, and because of who they are and what they bring, we just love them. Thank God, they've been in Patrick and Sean's lives, and in my life.

Thank a Teacher!

Editor's Note: I really wish I could
take credit for this one, but the credit has
to go to Dave Carr. If you want to read a thought-provoking, inspirational blog, go to www.carrpediem.blogspot.com. If you're happy reading the meandering of someone whose head is stuffed with fluff, well, read on.

I started teaching accounting at nights at Georgia Gwinnett College (GGC) last fall. I teach one class each term, believe me, it's enough. For those of you who are teachers, I'm not telling you anything you don't know. Teaching is incredibly hard. You put in a significant amount of hours preparing, planning, strategizing, trying to figure out how best to present the material so that students will learn it and get it. You have the struggle of balancing the material, some students "get it" quickly and easily, and some students, unfortunately, will never get it. You try to balance how you present to keep it from being boring for some and keep it from being overwhelming for others. I've asked experienced teachers, and they struggle with this issue, so I don't think I'm going to master it anytime soon. And to be honest, I teach accounting, which isn't the most thrilling topic to try to teach students. My class is one night a week, so 2 1/2 hours of accounting. It beats watching paint dry, but it's not always easy to liven up an accounting class. When in doubt, I do my usual, I tell stories. I figure if I at least tell them some real life stories about how accounting works, the subject may stick a little better.

Teaching in so many ways can be thankless. Again, nothing new that I'm telling full-time teachers. You work hard to prepare, try to make the class interesting, try to educate, and you still end up with a certain portion that may not try, may not show up, don't do the homework, don't pass the class. As much as you try to tell yourself that you can't do the work for them, you still feel like a failure when your students fail. It hurts to know that you simply didn't reach a certain portion of your students.

One of the things that GGC does is offer a program to students called "Thank a Teacher". They ask students to write a note or letter that can provided to a teacher if they want to thank them for something they've done. I've received one each term, thankfully, and I passed it on to a few of my Small Group members from Dayton because it made me feel good. As one of them, a college professor, said, teaching is like golf. When you're a golfer, you always remember that one great shot you hit during the round that keeps you coming back. When you're a teacher, you don't get many thank you's, but that one that you do get, keeps you motivated, keeps you excited to do it again.

Dave Carr challenged me, and I am now challenging any of you that read my blog. Thank a teacher. Or if it's not a teacher, thank a mentor, thank a minister, a youth leader, someone who has touched or touches your life. As Dave would suggest, don't type it, don't do it by e-mail, write a simple, hand-written note, give it to them personally, or mail it to them. Speaking from one who recently was thanked, I can assure you, you will make someone's day if you give them a simple thank you for what they've done in your life.

I plan to take the challenge from Dave and start today. By the way, the picture above is of Patrick and Sean with their music teacher, Steve Burkholder. As I've said before, every child should have a Steve Burkholder in his or her life. We have tried to continually tell Steve what he has meant to Patrick and Sean, and to us. I figured posting a picture of the boys with such an incredible teacher was a fitting way to highlight this post. Please, take the challenge, thank a teacher!

What Are We Teaching Our Children?

I had a bit of a paradoxical weekend. Let me start with the last part first. I'm not a huge NBA fan, but on Sportscenter this morning, they had a clip of Rajon Rondo dislocating his elbow, and then coming back later in the game, essentially playing with one good arm, but still playing and motivating his team with his determination. They then showed various clips from history - Willis Reed playing in a Game 7 with a torn thigh muscle, Jack Youngblood playing with a broken leg in a championship game, Emmit Smith playing in a championship game with a dislocated shoulder, Kirk Gibson hitting a game winning home run on one leg. I've actually used the Willis Reed clip to motivate my son to come back from an injury for a big game.

For the most part, we shouldn't view professional athletes as our heroes. They are human, and they have flaws just like all of us do. We should be looking to our family, teachers, coaches, ministers, and those close to us as our heroes. Still, those events noted above are heroic efforts that are etched in our memories and should be viewed as heroic efforts.

Which brings me to the beginning of the weekend, our high school soccer playoff game. Hebron Christian Academy was playing in the quarterfinals against Pace Academy. Pace was ranked number 2 in the state, and were a very good team. What was so troubling was that so many of the Pace players resorted to diving during the game. For those that aren't familiar with soccer, diving is a technique to pretend you are fouled by the opponent by falling down, when in reality, you weren't fouled. If you can get the call from the referee, you get a free kick and an advantage. This has grown in popularity since it works so well in World Cup and other professional soccer venues.

On one hand, it becomes painfully obvious why soccer has never really caught on in America, and most likely never will. While it is a great sport and very popular with kids, we prefer our athletes to display heroic acts, like Jack Youngblood, Kirk Gibson, or Willis Reed. While I'm sure there have been many great soccer players, like John Terry or Franz Beckenbauer, who have done heroic things on the field, too often what kids see are the players who feign injuries, or act like they've been fouled, when in reality, they weren't. It's not something we should be holding up as an ideal for our kids to be shooting for.

On the other hand, I have a far greater concern for our children as we move forward. What are we teaching them? I've always told my sons, if I ever see you take a dive on the field, if your coach doesn't pull you off the field, I will. Diving is cheating, it's dishonorable, it's unethical. While some kids may come upon this naturally by imitation by watching professional soccer, when a team does it consistently, it is obvious that it is being coached and encouraged. Coaches are also teachers and leaders of our children, so what are we teaching them to do? What are we telling them is appropriate? When you get to college, if you can cheat on one of your exams, and get an A, that's OK. As long as you don't get caught. When you get into the work world, if you can take credit for another colleague's work, but not get caught, that's OK. Winning is all that matters, at any cost.

I'm very thankful that each of the coaches my sons have had in their lives have encouraged them to play hard, but play within the rules of the game. I wouldn't have it any other way. I would encourage those coaches out there that advocate winning at all cost, who advocate diving or other unethical methods to winning, to look in the mirror and consider what their role is in our children's lives. Do you want to develop the next Thurgood Marshall or Albert Schweitzer or do you want to develop the next Bernard Madoff or Kenneth Lay? My sons still talk about coaches they had 5-10 years ago with fondness and admiration because of what they taught them. Dave Dickerson, Franklin Lawson, Colin Hutton, Bob Gardner and Henry Hardin will be some of the names etched in my sons' memories for what they taught them, which was play hard, play as a team, play to win, but always play fair and within the rules.

In the end, we learn so much, no matter what the lesson is. In this case, we learned that winning really doesn't matter nearly as much as losing with dignity and with class. Just as the coaches need to be able to look at themselves in the mirror, the players need to be able to look at themselves in the mirror. While as spectators we can guess at the motives for a dive, only the player himself knows his own motives. Except for God of course, who knows all of our motives, but then again, that's a whole different story. At the end of the day, we all need to be able to look in the mirror and feel good about what we see. I can't imagine that winning at all costs would provide a pleasant picture looking back at me.

A Pirate Looks at 40 - Well, Okay, 50

This is a picture of Laurel and me with Kelly when she graduated from college last December. I don't like to post pictures of myself, as I've grown older, I have that Nancy Reagan head thing going, my head is way too big for my body. But, I digress.

I turned 50 this year. The funny thing is that those age milestones never really bothered me. Whether it was 30, 40, now 50, it really doesn't bother me. It's those kid milestones that are killing me. And 2009-2011 has been a killer for me. Kelly, my star for not causing me to feel old (more on that later), started it with graduating from college last December, our first college graduate. Then Megan got engaged this year. Then the boys started their senior year of high school. Next year, we have to look forward to Megan getting married, our first marriage. And the boys graduate from high school and head off to college. And Laurel and I are empty nesters. Bam! You're old Steve. Most of the time, you get it in small doses, but all of a sudden, it's several two by fours across the head. I guess the roller coaster is picking up speed, and I'm telling you, I'm hanging on for dear life.

As noted, most of the time you get hit with this in small doses. I remember putting Megan on the school bus for the first time. I remember walking her through the high school for the first time to show her where her classes were. Each time you hit those first milestones with your first child, it really ages you. I reminisced back to when Megan would be riding with me in the car, singing Pete Townshend's "After The Fire". It's incredible to hear a five year old singing, "I've got to stop drinking, I've got to stop thinking, I've got to stop smoking." Bam! You're old Steve.

Now we're hitting the "lasts". Every year we take a picture on the first day of school. It killed me to realize this was our last year after 20+ years of taking these pictures when we took Patrick and Sean's pictures this year. In a few months, it will be our last high school graduation. Then a few more months, and our last children at home. Yesterday, the boys were sitting in a laundry basket in front of the TV watching Barney. Tomorrow, they are headed off to college. Bam! You're old Steve.

So most of the time Kelly has spared me from this since she's the middle child and isn't a first or a last, she's always in the middle. Even Kelly didn't spare me, she was our first to graduate from college. Thanks Kelly. Yesterday, she was our "Little Angel From Heaven", running back to her crib to go to bed, today, she's a college graduate. Et tu, Kelly? Even you would do this to me? Bam! You're old Steve.

What the heck happened? How did they all grow up so quickly? Can someone please find the brakes for this roller coaster? I know most of us go through this, and some of us handle this better than others, but I have to be honest, I'm not handling this well. I'm doing my best to slow it all down, but it's funny, there isn't a whole lot you can do to slow down time. Megan will get married. Patrick and Sean will graduate and go off to college. Kelly will move out, no matter how many times I tell her she's not allowed (I'm kidding Kelly). And we will be empty nesters. Bam!

OK, in my head, I know this is the way life is supposed to be. Children are a gift from God, and we only get so much time with them, they're not ours, they're His, and we have our time with them until they move on and lead their own lives. I can still share in their lives once they're grown, but it won't be the same as what we had when they were growing up. In my heart, it hurts. But even my heart tells me, this is the way it's supposed to be. We live, we love, and even though we we get older, and it's not the same, we still love, we will always love.

So, we have a few more months. It's amazing at this point in your life how much you can enjoy a bedroom with clothes all over the floor, a sink full of dirty dishes, a laundry basket full of barely worn clothes, singing and guitar music at 11 o'clock at night and unexpected kids coming to your house around dinner time. There's plenty of time for a clean and quiet house. Plenty of time.

Because They Loved Us

"You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them - Bishop Desmond Tutu"

Last week, I was out of town, and I had an incredibly vivid dream. I was at a family reunion, and all of my cousins were there. I guess I have Facebook to thank for that. I'm not a huge fan of Facebook, but I still keep active on it because I can stay up to date on what my cousins are doing. Since I see so much about their lives, I guess they were in my subconscious, hence the dream with all of them in it.

We did have a real family reunion this summer. We hadn't had one in about seven years or so. We get together at my cousin Marlene's house in Columbus, Ohio, she has a nice, big backyard, and it's a great place for us to all get together. We had relatives from Ohio, Pennsylvania, Florida, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, California, New Jersey and Colorado there. I'm sure I missed a state or two, but we came together, simply because of the love of my Mother and her sisters and brother, and our love for each other.

My Mother and her siblings grew up in an orphanage many years ago after their parents died when they were young. I don't know the stories nearly as well as some of my older cousins, but I do know that my Aunt Bessie did not live in "the home" like the rest, because she was older. But she would go and pick up the boys at one home and the girls at another home each Sunday to get them together for a picnic. They always had a special bond growing up because of what they went through.

That carried forward through their lives and through our lives. I remember visiting my cousins quite a bit growing up and going to stay with them at various times when I was growing up. I always had a special bond with my cousins, and while we are an eclectic group of personalities, I still have such a special feeling for all of them, they were such a huge part of my life. While distance and the years have caused us to grow apart, for that one day, it was like old times, but maybe with a little more gray hair, or in some of our cases, a little less hair. I know it sounds crazy, but that dream the other night took me back once again to that special time last summer when we spent the day together. The really fun thing about the day was watching my Mother and her sisters and brother, just sitting together, enjoying each other's company. They ended up closing the party down, not wanting the day to end.

But the party did end, and again, we went our separate ways. I find it hard to believe I'm saying this, but thank God for Facebook. I love seeing the posts from all of my cousins, what's going on in their lives, what's important to them, what their children are doing, what makes them happy and what makes them sad. And periodically, I can dream and see them all again. It may seem crazy, but that's OK, I can live with that. They are a a gift to me, and I have my Mom and my aunts and uncles to thank for that.

Wisdom of Our Fathers

For Father's Day last year I bought my Father "Wisdom of Our Fathers" by the late Tim Russert. It has a picture in it of a good friend of mine, Dave Carr, with his father, so I told Dave about buying it. Dave asked if I had written my own "chapter" for my Dad, which I hadn't. Of course, Dave never has a bad idea, so I've been planning to write my own chapter for a while, so here goes.

Wisdom of My Father

Like so many of us, I have a great deal that I owe my Father in who I am and who I turned out to be. Some of the major things he taught me:

Honor Your Mother - I remember one Mother's Day when I was in high school, and I was having trouble with a girlfriend. We were supposed to take my Mother out for Mother's Day dinner, but I didn't want to go, I wanted to go over to my girlfriend's house to work out the problem. I knew my Dad would understand if I passed on taking Mom out to dinner. So I went into the bathroom where he was shaving, getting ready for the night, and asked him, "Dad, is it OK if I don't go tonight?" He turned and looked at me with a very clear and steady look, and simply said, "No." I knew that there would be no more discussion, no negotiation. Message heard loud and clear.

Love Your Children - My Father never claimed credit for this, but he had a saying or way of looking at things when you were down about money or your situation in life. He'd ask me, "Would you trade any of your children for a million dollars?". Well, of course not. He'd say, "You have four children, so I guess you have at least $4 million." Maybe very simplistic, but an easy way to keep focused on what's most important.

Value Everyone No Matter What They Do - Probably one of the greatest work lessons I've ever learned, and it's served me well, is to value everyone in the workforce. I remember him telling me, "Even if someone pushes a broom, if they work hard, you value them for what they do." One of the quickest ways someone would incur my wrath at work was if they would tell me they were "just a peon". I tend to be very easy going at work, but no matter what else was going on or what needed to be done, if someone ever said that to me, they would get a meeting and discussion on how valuable they were or are to the organization. Everyone, no matter what their position, contributes to the success of a company. Thanks to my Dad for first teaching me this lesson.

Hard Work Is Important - My Dad quit high school in the 9th grade and became a truck driver. He eventually worked his way up to being a manager of a truck terminal. At one point, he went 17 years or so without a single day off, no sick day, no vacation, no nothing. I learned this lesson a little too well, and this probably wasn't the best lesson he ever taught me. Thankfully, I was never quite that bad, and I have improved over time. I have learned that there are times to work hard, and there are times to play. I still struggle with the play, but old habits or teachings die hard.

It's OK to Cry - I will never forget when my Grandfather died. He was the first person that died that was close to me. I remember getting ready in the morning the day after he died, and I heard this strange sound coming from my parent's bedroom. I went in, and it was my Dad crying. I had never heard him cry in my life. It was a strange, surreal experience, but I knew it was OK, and I knew how much my Dad loved his Father.

Did I learn more than just this? You bet. When I got out of college I learned how smart my Dad was. When I had to buy a car, buy a house, start my family, I found out my Dad was much smarter than me, imagine that. But those are the normal things that all of us go through as we grow up. My Dad taught me so much about how to do the important things in life, but more importantly, he taught me about the important things in life. That has made all the difference.

Our 2010 Christmas card

"Suffering is not without purpose, grief is not without hope"


We had an incredible year in 2010, and we thank God for that. We also thank God for some of the pain and suffering that we experienced in previous years that led us to our wonderful 2010. There are times that we have no idea why we have to experience the troubles that we go through, but in so many cases, it all becomes clear once we let God's plan unfold. The problem we have is that we want God's plan to unfold on our time, not His time. In our case, if it weren't for some of the difficulties we experienced over the years, the boys would have never ended up at Hebron Christian Academy, I would have never ended up at WIKA, and we would have never ended up at Lawrenceville United Methodist Church. What a difference this has all made!

This is the first time I've ever done something like this, so please forgive me if my style is not the best. I was a journalism major in college (OK, now I'm a Chief Financial Officer, go figure), so this is going to be very much sticking with the facts, and not much fluff, but that's just me. As some of you know, I've been forced to go this route because Cardstore.com failed to deliver our Christmas cards this year. Without further adieu, here is our year in review:

Our Trips

College Visits - I think based on our last count, we went to see 17 colleges in five different states. Our biggest trip was to Pennsylvania and Ohio, where we went to see nine schools over Spring Break. We also went to see opening day for the Pirates at PNC Park. It was hectic, fun and incredible seeing so many great schools.

Two family reunions - We had two family reunions this summer, one on my side of the family and one on Laurel's side of the family, both in Ohio. It was great seeing all of my cousins and their families, I just love my cousins, they are an incredible group of people (separate blog post coming soon on this). For Laurel's reunion, we went to Lake Atwood, a lake resort that her family used to go to every year when she was younger. Laurel got a chance to go to her sister Kathy's grave and put some flowers on her grave, and we got to spend time with her brothers and nieces and nephews.

While our trips were nothing fancy, a week for the college visits, weekends for the reunions, lots of driving, they provided some of the best times I've had in years. There is something about being around family that can make anything special.

Laurel and Me

We hit 50 this year! As promised, a separate blog will also be coming on this. Fifty came and went without much fanfare. We're not nearly as exciting as the kids, so this part of the post will be brief.

WIKA acquired a company in California this year, so I spent a great deal of time traveling to Anaheim this year. It sounds much more exciting than it is. In 2009, we had a tough year financially at WIKA, so everyone took a 7.5% pay cut. We had our pay rates restored this year, which was nice, but then something incredible happened. At the end of the year, WIKA paid back all the money that we sacrificed in 2009. In this day and age of corporate greed, it's incredible that we were all rewarded for our sacrifice and hard work, and that we work for a company that values its employees so much. I also started teaching this year at Georgia Gwinnett College, fulfilling a lifelong ambition to teach in college. It's only one course, but it is so fulfilling.

Laurel has spent a great deal of time, volunteering her time to various efforts. She spent time, along with some other ladies from our church, helping a young, single mother, trying to get her life together. It ended up being a difficult and stressful several months as she learned how difficult it can be to help someone turn their life around. Ultimately, she learned, as one of the books she found says in its title, "When Helping Hurts". She has found working at the Lawrenceville Co-op or for the school has great rewards without some of the stress of trying to help one individual. She has not lost sight of this young woman's need or her compassion for her struggles, but she's learned that the problem and solution is bigger than her.

Our Children

I heard a quote last night in Church about which child do you love the most. The answer is the one that needs you the most at the time. Chronologically, here are some highlights of their year:

Megan

Megan got engaged this year to Thomas McDonald, or T-Unit as we call him. They've been dating for a long time, six years or so. They live in Chicago, so we don't get to see them much, but we had the pleasure of seeing them at one reunion, and they also came for a visit earlier this year. Megan also got moved to full time at Bank of America, which was a great blessing this year. Thomas also got a promotion this year at AT&T. She and Thomas get married next June in Chicago, so we are excitedly planning a wedding for 2011.

Kelly

Kelly graduated from Kennesaw State University last December (our first college graduate!). She took an internship with Rowland Mountain, a recruiting firm, right after college, and they hired her shortly thereafter. She then moved to another recruiting firm, TRC Staffing, later in the year. She has been dating Clayton Crowe for about 1 1/2 years or so. She's talked about moving out, but I told her she's not allowed since Laurel and I would be empty nesters once the boys go to college (OK, I'm kidding).

Patrick

Patrick was in two plays this year at Hebron. He was Juror Number 7 in "12" (Hebron's version of 12 Angry Men). He was Don Quixote in Man of La Mancha in November. It was an incredible performance. He also placed fourth in the state at the Literary Meet for solo singing. After all of our college visits, Patrick held firm to his decision that Grove City College in Pennsylvania was where he wanted to go. He applied for early decision, and after some agonizing days waiting for the mail to come, his acceptance letter finally came. So Patrick will be heading to Grove City in the fall, where he has been accepted into the music program.

Sean

Sean has been participating in worship leadership at Hebron, and he has also started participating in worship leadership at our Church. He has a great passion for music, and sings, plays guitar and keyboard. I am in awe when I see him standing up on stage, leading a group of kids in a worship service. Sean also plays on the Hebron soccer team, and Hebron had an incredible season in 2010. They finished 2010 with only two losses and went to the state playoffs. They lost in the second round, but it was such a fun year to watch. Sean ended up as Hebron's Scholar Athlete for Gwinnett County. Sean is still undecided on which college he will attend. He's whittled it down to Covenant College in Lookout Mountain, Georgia, or Cedarville University in Ohio. Then there is Wittenberg University in Ohio. There is still time for those decisions to be made.

What will 2011 bring? We have two graduations in May and then two weeks later a wedding, so more excitement. We may have more pain and sorrow, who knows. But we know that even if we do, it will all be a part of God's plan. And it's a good plan, and we may not know the reason for the pain and sorrow in our time, we will know the reason in His time.

I wish you all a wonderful holiday season, and I hope you find peace and joy in all that you do.

The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald

"Does anyone know where the love of God goes, when the waves turn the minutes to hours"

Our former pastor at Westminster Presbyterian Church in Dayton, Ohio, The Reverend Dr. George H. "Sandy" McConnel, did an incredible sermon once with this haunting line from Gordon Lightfoot's song as one of the key elements. The song recounts a real life situation where people died in the wreck of a ship, but Sandy carried it forward to all of our lives. When we are waiting to hear the results of tests at the hospital. When we are waiting to hear whether the layoff will impact us. When we are waiting for one of our children to arrive home safely when they are on the road in a storm. When we are waiting for ....


There are so many situations where we wait and wonder and worry what the outcome will be. Unfortunately many of us have been facing that this week. Jim Campbell, one of my colleagues, had a massive stroke on Saturday. I got the call Saturday morning, and all of a sudden, my life changed completely. But, hold on a second. The impact on my life pales in comparison to the impact on his wife Anita's life, and everyone intimately involved in Jim's life. I could be selfish, and I admit, sometimes this week I have been, but I'm not the one who has suffered the most in all of this. As we leave the hospital each day, my wife Laurel and I count our blessing and think what so many of us often think - there but for the grace of God, go I.


Starting Saturday morning, Laurel and I have been going to the hospital to see Jim. We've spent a great deal of time with Anita and the rest of the family. You stand there and watch. You wait. You try to figure out, is anything changing? Is he getting any better? Wait, what was that? Did he move his eyes? Did he move his head? What does this mean? The hours go by. The days go by. What has changed? What will change? Where is the love of God as each minute, each hour, each day passes?


I have no right to be bitter. Anita has a right to be bitter. Their son Jeff has a right to be bitter. I'm sure there are others in the immediate family that are bitter. But as much as I don't have a right to be, I'm still a little bitter. Jim and I started working together about a year ago. He and I are very different. Jim is very conservative, very quiet, very private. It took forever for me to find out much about him. I finally found out or figured out about Jeff from hearing Jim on the phone with Jeff. I'd hear Jim take a call, and I'd always hear, "Hey buddy..." I started figuring out that it was Jim with his son Jeff, and I have to say I really enjoyed hearing those conversations. I hope that someday, my sons have those same type of conversations with me. But otherwise, I really didn't know much or hear much about Jim and his personal life. That was OK though, because Jim was a very solid, very capable performer. He was reliable, always got his job done, was very bright and efficient, I really couldn't ask much more from someone working for me. I had to periodically make sure I told him what a good job he was doing, because he was so "low maintenance". He took such little management or supervision, it was easy to forget to say, "hey, you're doing a good job Jim".


Over time, I got to know or figure out Jim a bit. The picture above is a photo shop picture his step-daughter Britney did for him. To say Jim is slightly more conservative than Ronald Reagan or George Bush may be an understatement. He and one of our colleagues, Cameron Reebals, could get going on a conservative rant, and it would be like a tornado of conservative propaganda would be swirling in the office. I'd love to get them going and I'd often say that Jim may burst into flames one of these days as he sat with his headphones on listening to one of the conservative talk show hosts on the radio. While Jim and I were different in many ways, I grew to appreciate him and enjoy his idiosyncrasies (OK who among us don't have some?). I knew that if I walked into his office, I'd hear about the Cap and Trade Bill, Healthcare Reform or whatever other evil the Democrats were bringing on the country. I'd just smile and nod and listen.

Over the past several days, I've learned so much more about Jim from Anita and the rest of the family. It has been an incredible experience getting to know all of them and learning so much about all of them and about Jim. Is this the positive out of all of this? I keep trying to figure out why this had to happen, what is God's plan for all of this? We stand and we wait. We talk, we laugh, we tell stories. We look over at Jim and wonder, where is the love of God? It has to be here, it has to be. I'm angry, I'm bitter. I still know, I have no right to be, but I don't care, I am. I feel guilty anytime I feel this way, because I see what this is doing to his family, and know I have no real right to feel this way, but it's hard not to feel this anger, this bitterness.

In the end, as Sandy so eloquently preached, God is always there, he is always with us. No matter what the situation, no matter what the tragedy, God is there, and he is suffering right along with us. So we wait. The minutes turn to hours turn to days. We wait for something, anything. And to steal yet again from one of Sandy's outstanding sermons, we hold out hope. Hope that is "faith pointed towards the future". Hope that is a "confident expectancy in a faithful and loving God". Hope that is "the expectation of a favorable future under God's direction". Hope that is "a rose in winter". We hold out hope for whatever potential positive God holds for us in the midst of this tragedy. We wait.

Thanks God - There are Three Parts to All of This?

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Dr. Chappell has been doing sermons on the Book of Job at church the last few weeks, which has been incredible. Until today. Oh, the sermon was incredible, as I've told Dr. Chappell he pitches a shutout every week (I love baseball analogies), I have no idea how he does it, but this was a two-hit shutout with 13 strikeouts. The sermon was incredible and had me in tears several times. Today for me, the pain of the sermon series came in, which of course, will bear explanation.

For those who don't know, Job suffered a great deal of pain and loss in his life. Whatever possible could be taken away from Job or whatever pain and suffering that could be inflicted on Job, it took place. His friends had a great deal of advice for Job, all of it wrong, and they provided many reasons why Job was suffering, mainly due to his having sinned against God or offending God in some way. Eventually, God rewarded Job for his faithfulness, and Job received many great blessings from God. If the story stopped there, I would have felt a whole lot better. The theme of the sermon today was on God calling Job to pray for the forgiveness of his friends who had given Job poor counsel throughout his pain and suffering. Of course, Job eventually does this.

The sermon's central theme was forgiveness. Until we eventually release our hearts to forgive those who have committed wrongs against us, we can never be whole. We can never truly love, never truly follow a life of discipleship, if we can't forgive. As Hamlet would say, "ay, there's the rub."

I would never be so audacious to compare myself to Job or what we have gone through to the suffering that Job experienced. The last two years or so have been incredibly painful for many reasons, both from a work perspective and in our personal lives. Throughout the hardship we experienced, we maintained our faith and belief that while God wasn't always visible in what was happening, God was always there supporting us through our pain.

A new year has brought a great deal of gifts from God. The economy has improved, and our business has grown at WIKA. The boys have been having a great time at their new school, and they are doing some incredible things. Kelly found a job in a very difficult economy. Megan just got engaged to a really great guy. Laurel and I attended a marriage class at church, and it has made our communication and marriage even better. There have been so many times lately that I have that mixed emotion of being so thankful, but feeling so guilty that we have been so blessed with so much. This weekend was kind of the culmination of the showering of gifts from God. Sean's soccer team won twice to go to 9-0-1, but what is so much more important about it is that Sean is having a great time and enjoying playing with his new team, his new teammates and his coaches. Patrick went to the state competition for solo singing and placed fourth with an incredible performance. Then we got the call that Megan got engaged.

So, as noted above, there are three parts to all of this? Through the pain and suffering we experienced, there were some people who played a part in causing that pain and suffering either directly or indirectly. We have struggled to find it in our hearts to forgive the people who caused our family so much turmoil the last couple of years. While I know in my heart that I really understood the point that I had to forgive those people before I heard it in the sermon today, the reality is that the sermon hammered that point home. I am failing right now because I can't forgive these people. I wish I could say that the sermon pushed me over the edge, and miraculously I have found it in my heart to forgive these people, but I still can't. That is why today was so painful for me. I am incomplete right now, and I know I have to change. As Dr. King says above, "he who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love."

For those of you who do read my blog, I need your help. I need you to pray for me, that I can find the power to forgive. I also need you to pray for me that I don't beat myself up too much. As I sat there today and the grim realization hit me that I had not finished the process that Job went through, that I hadn't done the important step of forgiving others, it really tore me apart. Let me find it in my heart to forgive those who have wronged our family, and let me find it in my heart to forgive myself for having such a hard time doing this.

The Passing of a Classmate

I saw a post on Facebook about one of my classmates, Denny Kelly, passing due to cancer. As we all get older, and there is no doubt, I am getting older, this will be happening more and more, it is the reality of life. I saw that they were having a tribute to Denny yesterday in Slippery Rock, PA, where I grew up, and distance wouldn't have allowed me to attend, I have my own tribute to Denny, and a very valuable lesson I shared with my sons.

Back in high school or maybe right after high school, one of our classmates had a party at his house, his parents were out of town. As much as I hate to admit it (especially for my kids to read), I'm certain we were drinking and doing various other things we shouldn't have been doing. At one point, one of our classmates arrived, and he wasn't welcome by the host. Our host took a paper plate full of shaving cream, and shoved it in the young man's face, and told him to leave. At first, the guy thought it was a joke, and even starting licking the shaving cream off his face, thinking it was whipped cream, but then shortly realized, it wasn't a joke. He got a really hurt look on his face, and slowly walked away from the party and left.

All of us at the party laughed as the whole scenario transpired. Some laughed because they truly thought it was funny. Some, probably most, were like me. We laughed that uncomfortable laugh when something is happening that really we don't agree with, but we are too scared or don't have the guts to stand up for what is right or against what is wrong. We all laughed except for Denny. Denny was the only person who got really angry and stood up for something that was really wrong. He confronted the host and told him what he did was wrong, and he shouldn't have done it. Of course our host got mad at Denny, told him he didn't know what he was talking about, I'm sure some of the people ridiculed Denny, but he still stood up for what he believed in.

OK, so that event happened 30 years ago or so. It is one of those memories that haunts me to this day. I'm not saying I think about this daily or anything like that, but I've thought about it many times over those 30 years. I can see the look of pain on the victim's face. I can see Denny taking the high road and calling out our host for doing what he did. Denny took the hard way in this situation, and I took the easy road. Or did I? And that is the message I gave to my sons. In the short term, Denny took the hard route. I'm sure the rest of the evening was uncomfortable for Denny, being the minority, sticking up for what was right. Maybe the next few days were too, I really don't know. But probably shortly after all of this, Denny forgot about it. He had a clear conscience, because he did what was right. I've lived with this for 30 years. Short term, I took the easy way out. Long term, I've had to live with not doing the right thing. As I told the boys, whether it may be painful at the time, and it may even be painful for a short time after that, you can't go wrong if you do the right thing.

Here's to Denny Kelly for doing the right thing that night. I learned a valuable lesson, and I hope that I've been able to pass that lesson on to my sons so that if and when they are confronted with a situation like this, they will do the right thing also.

Father, Son and Holy Spirit - I think I finally got it!

Hopefully it hasn't become too clear from my posts, but I'm not always a rocket scientist. There are certain areas that just baffle me. Medical stuff is one. If we go to the doctor and they explain something, I usually have to have Laurel dumb it down for me. I just don't get it. I'm sure there are many other areas, but it would probably be best to just leave this area open and vague.

Except for the whole concept of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I have never understood it. One of my all time favorite church and kid stories is from years ago when Laurel and I were serving as shepherds at Church for a young children's group. Gerald Bailey, who was a fantastic teacher was leading the worship for the children, and he got on the topic of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. All of a sudden, one of the young boys, Will Boezi, burst out, "I don't get this Father, Son and Holy Spirit stuff!". Gerald's eyes got really big, I was sitting there thinking, wow, I agree, and Gerald reacted really well, and said, "You know, Will, sometimes I don't understand it myself." I'm sure he went on and explained it really well, but as is the case with every other time in my life, I just didn't get it.

Finally, I think I got it. After 49 years (and I'm not exposing Laurel's age, so it should be OK to say this), I think I got it. Recently in a sermon series, our pastor, Dr. Davis Chappell, put it in these terms. God above us (Father), God among us (Son), God within us (Holy Spirit). I could have shouted Hallelujah! This was the first time it ever made any sense to me (Please refer to the above about not being a rocket scientist).

I really hope this has all been much easier for all of you. As I like to refer to these, this was a major lightbulb moment for me. It only took 49 years.

Making Your Mark

"When you aim at nothing, you will hit nothing every time" - Allen Whittaker

Do you ever have those times in your life when things are just percolating in your mind, and you can't figure out how to pull all of those ideas or thoughts together? You know that somehow there is a link, but you can't see where that link is, it's just not that clear. I've been having that the last month or so.

The quote above is from the Director of Youth at our church, First United Methodist Church of Lawrenceville. I didn't hear it, but Dr. Davis Chappell quoted him in his recent sermon series, On Your Mark. I'll get back to that eventually.

Recently, I've had the pleasure to hear about a young man who we grew up with, Curtis Mann, who is making his mark in art. Curtis does some incredible things with photography, which quite frankly, I can't even describe, so I will refer you to his website, http://www.curtismann.com/, so you can see the unbelievable things he is able to do with photos. Curtis is making his mark, he is touching lives with a great gift that he has been given. To be honest, I struggle with making stick figures, so when I see something like this, I'm in complete awe of it.

I recently had some e-mail dialogue with Aaron Keyes. He is a worship leader in this area, and has touched many lives, but particularly both of my sons, Patrick and Sean. Aaron has appeared at their school several times, and has a gift for spreading the word of God and the love of Jesus through witness and music. His website is incredible, here is the link to it - http://www.aaronkeyes.com/.

As I've noted on my blog, I follow Dave Carr, his blog is at http://carrpediem.blogspot.com/. I have used Dave for learning initiatives at least four times for three different organizations. In each case, even the most stubborn dissenter, the ones who wanted to be there the least, came up to Dave afterward and expressed how much the course touched them. Dave has a unique way of bringing out the most in individuals and groups. Each time I've been through it, I've been enriched by the experience. As I've noted, when I grow up, I want to be Dave.

So what has been percolating the whole time for me was "how do I make my mark?" As noted above, it surely wouldn't be art. It couldn't be through music, as Laurel notes, I really don't have the ability to even clap along to a song, let alone sing. So what about those poor schleps (is that even a word?) like me who have no real talent or ability to touch the world with some great gift?

The good news was that it was a four-part sermon series. I guess there was a good reason to listen and pay attention to all four parts because eventually, I think, it all became much clearer to me. Dr. Chappell focused at one point on what is the aim of Christian life? The answer - to know Jesus and to become like Jesus. As Dr. Chappell pointed out, while he'd like to make it complicated for those who like things complicated, it doesn't get any more complicated than that.

I guess because I have always been so inept at art and music, I've always had a huge appreciation for what people can do with it. I'm amazed by Curtis' artwork, I marvel at people with musical abilities like Aaron Keyes, or even my own sons, Patrick and Sean. As noted, they didn't get it from me. I tend to be an introvert, so I'm never going to touch people like Aaron Keyes does as a worship leader, or even what Dave does as a trainer and facilitator. But I can try to know Jesus and to become like Jesus. After a great deal of percolating, and a great sermon series, I think I finally figured out that while there are some among us that are going to make their mark in a great way, there are many of us that will have to settle for making our marks in a simple, but very valuable way.

Friends, I'm far from this goal. There are so many times that I fall short, and it hurts when I do. Thankfully, there is grace, and I can keep trying, and maybe eventually, I'll make my mark. The good news is that I'm not aiming at nothing anymore.

If We Are the Body

“But if we are the Body

Why aren't His arms reaching

Why aren't His hands healing

Why aren't His words teaching

And if we are the Body

Why aren't His feet going

Why is His love not showing them there is a way There is a way” Words to “If We Are the Body” by Casting Crowns

Yesterday I flew home from California from a work assignment. I was really excited to be coming home, I had been gone all week, and it was questionable if I'd make it home, due to the weather. My flight had been cancelled out of Orange County, but I was able to get booked on the last seat of a flight leaving LAX at 6:15 in the morning. So, I got up at 3 am, and headed to the airport. When I got to Atlanta, the snow was coming down pretty hard, and it took a while to get home.

As I was coming into the neighborhood, really looking forward to seeing Laurel and the kids (and the dogs of course), I saw the sight above. I slowly drove by and scanned the belongings. Furniture, clothes, bedding, food, children's stuffed animals, an endless view of abandoned possessions. Obviously, with the snow, everything will be ruined. Not only will the owners not have the opportunity to wear these clothes, sit on this furniture, play with these toys, but no charity will get the opportunity to put these valuable furnishings to good use.

I have no idea how these people ended up in the position they did, but unfortunately there are so many of us that are at this point or reaching this point. How do we let this happen without knowing it or doing anything about it? I'm heartbroken that one of my neighbors suffered like this, and I knew nothing about it and did nothing about it. I know it sounds stupid, but what I really noticed or what caught my attention were the stuffed animals. Somewhere, there's a child that lost something dear to them, and they have no idea how or why.

Last night an e-mail came around from someone from the Homeowner's Association. The concern being expressed by many neighbors is how this looks and what can we do to remove this, so we don't have an eyesore in the neighborhood. I'm hopeful that the first reaction or thoughts were what can we do or what have we done to help the people that went through this painful experience. I know it may not always seem like it, but I really believe there is a way.

Does God Talk To Us - Or Through Us?

Last winter, I was going through some struggles, and I was going through some particular struggles with Laurel. I can't remember what the issues were, it really doesn't matter, but I was irritable and frustrated with Laurel and it came to a boil the one night. Laurel had just arrived home from picking Sean up, and something set me off. I yelled and screamed, and I stormed out. I was done, I was determined that I was leaving, didn't know where I was going to go, but I was leaving. I thought about finding a hotel, seeing if I could stay with someone, but the intent was to just leave. As I drove and realized that neither a hotel nor staying with someone made much sense, I settled on going to work, I could go there, stay for a while, if needed, I could probably spend the night there. Anything, but going home. I took my computer with me since I didn't know if and when I would go back home, and I logged on when I got there. I had the following e-mail from Sean waiting for me:

"I didn't hear what went on tonight, and I'm glad I didn't hear it. If I had heard it, I don't know what I would have done. I don't know if I would have run or if I would have just stood there. One thing that is for certain is that I don't care who was wrong. I don't care who was right. If you ever do this again, I don't know what I'll do. You never do anything that upsets someone else, especially a lady, and not apologize. Even if you weren't wrong, it's best to apologize. Now, what you did tonight was give up. You became a Judas. Judas sold Jesus out. He killed him. Do you know what he did after that? He committed suicide. Peter, on the other hand, denied knowing Christ three times. Do you know what he did? He ran full-speed after Jesus. Every chance he got. Peter didn't give up when he messed up. Judas did. Don't give up. I don't want to see you end up like Judas, and I know you don't want to end up like him. I don't know what's been going on with you lately, but I don't care. There is never any excuse to do that. Giving up is the permanent solution to temporary problems. The problems will go away. Everything will fade. Goodness will be left in its place. Don't be mad at mom. She is just sensitive. She feels unappreciated. She is starting to realize that her daughters are taking advantage of her. She also feels that the men ( you, Patrick, and I) don't need her anymore. She feels useless and helpless. Please, help me and Patrick help her through this. Don't give up."

To say that this e-mail saved our marriage would be overstating it. Laurel and I have been married for 27 years, and like most marriages, we've had our ups and downs and fights along the way. I will say that this e-mail diffused the anger and bitterness that I was feeling. My feelings went from anger and bitterness to amazement at what came out of Sean's mouth (or keyboard). I forwarded the e-mail to Laurel that evening, and her reaction was that we had an incredible son. Needless to say, I ended up going home, we worked things out and I kept the analogy of Judas and Peter fresh in my mind.

The funny thing was that when I asked Sean about the e-mail later, his reaction was "I really have no idea what I wrote, it just came out." Maybe some modesty, but maybe not? It took less than a half hour for me to get to work and log on, and Sean composed this in that period of time. So does God talk to us, or through us? Did Sean come up with this on his own, or did he have some help? Obviously, there are no right answers to these questions, and we will never know for sure. I guess that is one of the beauties of the concept of faith. In your head, you will never know for sure, but in your heart ....

To My Graduate - Do As I Say, Not As I Do!

My daughter Kelly graduated from Kennesaw State University last week. She graduated in accounting (I tried my best to talk her out of it, but to no avail). The graduation ceremony was really nice, great pomp and circumstance, a bagpiper, great speeches, everything you would want from a graduation. I only teared up three or four times.

I have to first admit that I tried my best to imitate one of those Disney dad's before the ceremony. If you don't know what I mean, I'm talking about one of those dad's that is on his cell phone, or at a business meeting or whatever business affair, and shows up after his son's/daughter's baseball game or recital or whatever special event is over.

In my case, I was obsessed with everything going on at work, and focused on everything that needed to get done before the end of the year. I wasn't thrilled to go to the graduation, and I was committed to get back to work as soon as possible after the ceremony. Kelly asked a couple times about going out to dinner after the ceremony, and I brushed her off and told her that I had to get back to work. This "Disney Dad" attitude continued until the day of the graduation. Somehow, thankfully, something showed me what a jackass I was being, and I realized how important this was to her, and how important this was to me. This was a huge event, and it was cause for celebration and remembrance. So, I forgot about work. I enjoyed the graduation ceremony, I really listened to the commencement speech (and it was really good), I savored the moment. We took pictures afterward, we froze our butts off, and we got to spend some quality time together at dinner.

Which brings me to the speech, and the story above is a microcosm of what I have done wrong, and I don't want Kelly, or any of my children, or anyone else to do. The best life is a balanced life. You need to balance work with Faith, Family and Friendship. It will make you a better person, a happier person and a more well-rounded person. You will have choices throughout your life to work or spend time with your family, your friends or at church or in a church-related activity. There are definitely times, where work calls, and you have to answer. There are times though, where work calls, and you need to hang up and tell work to call back later.

I could tell countless stories to highlight this (unfortunately). I missed a friend's wedding because I was too busy at work. I missed countless children's activities. I blew off church to go to work. When our boys were born (twins making our third and fourth children), Laurel gave me the choice of working less or quitting playing golf. I quit golf. Ultimately, if you don't lead a balanced life, you can not, and will not, be nearly as effective as a person or an employee to your company. I don't want employees like me. People who know when to stop working, who lead a balanced life, bring a better attitude and demeanor to work. They are much happier, relaxed and energetic at work. They are fun to work with. I can tell you that I've heard this throughout my career from supervisors and managers I've had. As one partner in public accounting once told me, "there is enough work here that you could work seven days a week, 24 hours a day, and the work still wouldn't get done. You need to learn to just walk away at the end of a day satisfied with what you did and come back the next day to start on it again." The work will always be there. Some of the special moments won't be, once they're gone, they're gone forever.

So, enjoy your life. When you're at work, work hard, give your best to your company. When the work day is done, leave it behind, it will be there tomorrow. Spend time with your family and with your friends. Get involved in community activities or church activities. Travel and see other countries and other parts of the US. Set the computer aside at night. Turn the Blackberry off. Listen with all your heart. When you are with loved ones, be always present.

If you need any advice on how to do all of this, talk to Dave Carr, he is who I want to be when I grow up.

The Apple Sometimes Falls Far From the Tree

I’ve posted two videos, one of Patrick singing Not a Day Goes By, and one of Sean singing Be My Escape. There are several reasons I wanted to post these videos. One, of course, is that I’m incredibly proud of them. I believe they are both very talented musically. They both sing, play guitar, play piano, and used to play the French Horn. I have absolutely no idea where this talent comes from, and it definitely doesn’t come from me. As Laurel notes, I’m lucky they let me sing in the pews at church, and to be honest, I can’t even clap along to a song. I’m also incredibly proud of them because they are willing to get up in front of people and do this. I have had to give many presentations and speeches in front of people, but I couldn’t imagine ever trying to perform in front of others. I think it takes a great deal of courage and love to do something like this.

Lastly, I wanted to post these as a tribute to their voice teacher Steve Burkholder. Actually Steve has also been their piano teacher, counselor, therapist, advisor, and I’m sure a multitude of other titles. I used to say that it takes a Church to Raise a Child. There is so much that children deal with these days, it takes more than parents to raise them. The Church provides so much help, and the schools help a great deal also, if you find the right school. Sometimes, however, you are able to find someone who comes into their lives that helps them become the person they have the capability of becoming. Steve has done that for Sean and Patrick. We are so thankful and blessed that he is a part of their lives.

Patrick McCullough - Not a Day Goes By

The videographer didn't do a great job, but Patrick did.

Sean McCullough - Be My Escape

I had to cut the last part of the song to allow it to fit, but you can still see what a great job Sean did.